Kyonyû doragon: Onsen zonbi vs sutorippâ 5

The teat hits the fan not long after a triumphantly titillating, top-popping trio of titanically-titted, splendidly spunky strippers fatefully discover that languishing malevolently beneath their insalubrious club lurks the hitherto undiscovered portal to the diabolical realm of the ravening undead!!!?? Their rapacious feline curiosity leads our prodigiously perky Pinku protagonists inexorably towards the hyperbolically bloody climax, wherein these heroic, perfectly petite, courageously chainsaw-chastising, pulchritudinous posse of zombie-zapping heroines must endure a grisly Battle Royale against this hellish, hedonistic horde of flesh-fueled, hell-spawned, ferociously female-feasting fiends with respectably riotous results! A joyfully absurd, luridly cartoonish, and deliciously slap-sticky splatter-fest, Takaro Nakano's bawdy, juicily be-jugged, haemoglobin-hyped J-horror hysteria, 'Big Tits Zombie' leaves very tittle to the imagination!!!

Well didn't get what I expected from this almost literally shoe string of a budget flick. If you want to see some over the top violence with female nudity and zombies you might be disappointed a bit. I am not sure if the only version for the flick is the dubbed English version. This movie is one of those movies that is so bad it's bad. It just has random sketches one after another. But the dubbed English in this is actually quite amusing and just wouldn't stop making fun of itself. The dubbed dialogue is constant bashing on this flick but it works for the amusement. The people's mouth don't move at all most of the time but they keep talking. I am not sure if they did that for the humor but this has got to be the worst English dubbed movie. It's like they aren't even trying but the way they interact is still amusing. If you want to see girls with weapons killing zombies. You will probably better off playing "Onichambara" or "Lollipop Chainsaw". Watching this movie is like watching Japanese porn stars got access to a cheap prop and costume shop and very amateur CGI people got involved as well.

4/10

Was I expecting too much from this film? Doubtful. All I really wanted was what the title promised. Big tits and zombies. There are some nice breasts on show, but they aren't that big, nor are they around for very long. This is the kind of cheap Japanese video film that is shot in a few days. The zombies are also not very impressive. Some just have grey faces, making all these zombies look like they died in a fire. Others have horrendous masks a child would be embarrassed to wear at Halloween. Some of the zombies don't even make sense, with one guy donning a skeleton mask, even though he only turned in the last few hours. The film is meant to be laughed at, certainly, but it needed more ridiculous fun to succeed, Successful parts included the running down of a resident, zombie sushi, and the main villain being particularly pleasing to the eye. Sometimes it's camp fun, like seeing the strings levitate a head, but when the film can't even meet quality standards regarding the tits or the zombies, then it's time to move on.

The various titles of this are rather perplexing. While there certainly are some big "T"s and some zombies, there are not a whole lot of big-breasted zombies on display, rather this is kind of along the lines of recent American flicks like "Zombie Strippers" and "Strippers vs. Zombies" as a quintet of Asian strippers working at a nearly deserted Japanese resort are besieged by undead zombies after one of them (a Gothic lolita type) accidentally raises the dead. So will these buxom girls lose their tops in gratuitous catfights? Will most of them become zombified themselves? And will they kick major zombie ass while shoving their own barely clad ones in the camera at every opportunity? Yes, yes, and oh, yes!

An alternate title of this is "Big Tits Dragon", which seemingly makes no sense, but is probably the result of the most memorable scene where one of the zombified strippers shoots fire out of her--well, let's just say it isn't her mouth. I believe that girl is supposed to be a Thai immigrant to Japan, but THIS is something you're probably unlikely to see even in the strip bars of Bangkok. The two cutest girls meanwhile are the Gothic lolita (Risa Kasumi) who starts all the trouble and the incredible Aoi Sola, who plays the lead. Sola, a former AV starlet turned neo-"pink" film mainstay, stays a little more draped than usual, but her character gets in numerous sumo-style catfights, gets blind drunk and ends up in bed with any number of unattractive males (i.e. a homeless man, an elderly dwarf), and eventually turns into an efficient Samurai zombie fighter.

This is pretty dumb actually and not terribly original, but it's pretty entertaining nevertheless. . .

I didn't hate "Big Tits Dragon", though it isn't the same sort of bad movie I enjoy watching. I love films that TRY to be good but fail miserably in every way (such as "The Room" or "Plan 9 From Outer Space"). "Bit Tits Dragon", on the other hand tries to be a horrible movie. While there is enough to mildly recommend it for some audiences, it's not a good bad film—it's just a cheesy film that tries to be terrible.

Before I talk about the plot and what I thought of the film, I should mention that, not surprisingly, it's NOT a family-friendly film. With a title like this, this should come as absolutely no surprise to anyone. However, what surprised me was how seldom the film showed nudity. It's not a soft-core porno film even though the title sure sounds like one. There are a few breast shots and a wildly sick shot involving a flame thrower (you have to see it to believe it), but it's clearly a mild rated-R film—even with all the blood. And, speaking of blood, the film uses so much fake blood and guts but it never seemed the least bit realistic. While I wouldn't recommend this film to teens (or anyone with taste), it won't warp you for life!

The first half of "Big Tits Dragon" has almost no plot. Five not particularly talented strippers are out of work and bored in a small town in Japan. They mostly sit around in their underwear and complain or try to make money. Only about halfway into the film does anything of consequence happen. One of them notices a locked door behind a curtain in their dressing room. It leads to a tunnel to a weird home where one of them discovers The Book of the Dead. She invokes a spell that unleashes a plague of over-acting zombies on the Earth. Then, a battle ensues between strippers and Zombies until the Blue Ogre arrives from Hell to put everything right (this is, by far, the best scene in the film).

The acting is very bad and the plot very silly. But, the film isn't 100% terrible because it knows it's bad and makes no bones about it. In many ways, it reminds me of a Troma film—one that wants to be a bad film and revels in cheesiness. And, some of the film is actually clever and funny (such as when sushi turns into zombie sushi). But most of it is rather stupid and it's not the sort of film you want to let your mother or friends know you've watched because they'll probably have a lower opinion of you! Silly, occasionally sexy and quite dumb—this is Bit Tits Zombie in a nut shell. This film is NOT for everyone and is best for someone who is obsessed with the zombie genre. For anyone else, this is easy to skip—and your brain might just thank you!