The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

If it weren't for the talented actors and the notorious positive reviews and ratings spamming, I wouldn't have known that The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure existed. After seeing it to see if it was as bad as all that, a big part of me wishes it stayed like that. The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is really as horrendous as everyone says. The colours are bright, but not in a good way, the whole movie has a garish feel that only accentuates the movie's overall tackiness. The costumes are so creepy that they induce nightmares, Barney and the Teletubbies are tame in comparison, while the songs are some of the worst I've heard, the lyrics are incredibly childish and the tunes will leave you cringing. That they're badly sung doesn't help though. The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure isn't fun, educational or endearing in the slightest. The writing is as childish as the songs, with the humour and gags being enough to insult a 5 year old and traumatise children younger than that. They are not funny at all, and can be seen as inappropriate. Education value is low on the radar, people will almost certainly be saying "why am I being being "taught" something I already know?" and they won't appreciate that it's done in a way that talks down to them rather than engage. The story is full of repetition and goes nowhere a lot of the time, there are stretches where there is a strong temptation to nod off. 5 year olds won't even need to see this movie to do and learn the stuff that is shown in the movie, so that makes The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure pointless as well as repetitive and dull. Don't expect Christopher Lloyd, Cloris Leachman, Cary Elwes and Chazz Palminteri to make The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure watchable. They are saddled with characters that are impossible to like or engage with, dialogue that shows even them looking embarrassed and they are poorly utilised, they try but just can't do anything with what they're given. It is a waste of real talent, which is one of the worst things a film can commit in my opinion. And the less said about the truly obnoxious titular characters the better. In short, a horrendous movie, which along with Foodfight! is one of the absolute worst movies seen by me in a fair while. It fares terribly as a family movie, and is even worse for its main target audience too. 0/10 Bethany Cox

The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is the worst kind of film you could ever show your young children. It's unsubstantial, witless, lacks anything in the way of a lesson or a moral, too kiddish for even the youngest viewer, and largely comprised of things that have been proved unhealthy for your visual and auditory senses. It has been reported by Box Office Mojo as having one of the worst opening weekends for a film opening on more than 2,000 screens, with a dismal $102,564 and a final gross of $1.06 million. Against a $20 million budget (and an extra $40 for marketing), this makes this one of the worst performances for a film ever.

Our story is concerns Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie, the three Oogieloves that exist in their own world, which is so colorful that is borders along the lines of nauseating. They are celebrating their pillow Schluufy's birthday, and plan to give him five bright gold balloons for his surprise party, which they plan to set up while he is sleeping. When J. Edgar (their vacuum cleaner friend) accidentally frees the balloons outside, they become scattered all over the whole mythical land, leaving the Oogieloves no choice but to get them back. They bounce in and out of colorfully artificial sets, running into people like Rosalie Rosebud, Dottie Rounder, Marvine Milkshake, Bobbly Wobbly, and Lero Sombrero.

That's all well and good, but would you believe those characters are played by none other than Toni Braxton, Cloris Leachman, Christopher Lloyd, Chazz Palminteri, Jamie Pressly, and Cary Elwes? If one thing is guaranteed to make your jaw drop when watching this film, whether it be the stunningly frothy atmosphere, the corny singalongs, or the inept nature of the characters, it will be the list of talent involved with this project. What could've been going through Chazz Palminteri's mind when he signed up for this film? He was the driving force behind the film adaptation for A Bronx Tale, an amazing coming of age story I'm sure those who attended The Oogieloves won't go on to see. To give him credit, he plays his role with convincing motivation, but witnessing him batting dopey milkshake puns and dancing around the milkshake diner, concocting cockamamie shakes filled with peppermint, chili, pickles, and other ingredients is one of the most dreadful things I've ever seen a talented actor succumb to. And I saw Movie 43, mind you.

Let's talk about the box office performance of this film. Normally, if I catch a film on DVD, when all its financial information is already public and mostly complete, I shy away from explaining it because it usually has nothing to do with the quality of the film at hand. It's not worth mentioning, per say. Yet we need to talk about how The Oogieloves performed theatrically. I already wrote an entire blog when this film was in its theatrical run about how this film's dismal performance was either an indication of the end of August being a generally poor time to release a film (kids are going back to school, adults are generally rushed, and time is fleeting) or a smart public. Both of those, I believe, are big factors, but one of the biggest ones is the lack of an introduction on these characters or "Oogieloves." Think about it. Films like the Rugrats trilogy, The Spongebob Squarepants Movie, and The Wild Thornberry's Movie succeeded largely due to their name and familiarity amongst elementary schoolers and maybe those of selective age groups. The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is marketing characters nobody knows to a demographic that still can't completely influence their parents to take them to the cinema to watch the film of their choice. Usually, the parents decide the film and see if the child has any dissenting remarks. The Oogieloves were not introduced to the public prior to this unexpected movie adventure, and with no prior consumer knowledge via an album debut, a TV special, a TV show, books, etc, this was a project doomed from the start. Why was $60 million invested into this? The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure was marketed as an "interactive" movie feature, allowing children to fearlessly speak to the characters in the film, get up and dance on que, or openly talk during the picture. During the course of this eighty-one minute endeavor, ten songs are played, hoping to get children out of their seats and on their feet dancing. What is played are some of the most redundant, idiotic, monotonous songs that showcase nothing but maddening tedium. If there was any prior music released by the Oogieloves prior to this film I'd hate to hear it. The theatrics, too, never stem past costumed-humans dancing robotically back and forth to the music, and in a day and age where computer animation can create an army of one-thousand characters to dance and sing simultaneously, this return to primitive style is lame and relatively bland.

To bring things to a simple close, The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is a harmful, harmful film to show young children. Films like this give kids nothing but a shorter attention span and an energy level that can easily be adopted off of caffeine and fast food. Taking your child to see this film will do nothing to make them smarter, better, and will do nothing to further them in any way shape or form. Taking them to see films like Brave, Cars, Shrek, Toy Story, or Wreck-It Ralph fuel their minds with creative energy, giving them a lust for life, adventure, and fun. This is one of the most appalling films released in some time for all the wrong reasons.

This had to be the worst kids' movie I have ever seen in my life; my four year old and I we were the only two in the theater watching it today; she must have asked me 10 times if the movie was over and if it was time to go. The voices didn't match up to the film and the whole thing was a big old' mess. The songs were silly and not in a good, silly for kids way; just silly and meaningless. We missed the first few minutes, which I usually hate, but I think that save us a few more minutes of misery. Perhaps the glow stick had something to do with the beginning that we missed, but she kept asking me what it was for. I like the idea of kids being able to interact, and maybe if there had been someone else in the theater, she would have been motivated to get up, but it just didn't work.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd consider putting myself up for adoption.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd fling fecal matter at the screen.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd throw a tantrum just to get taken out of the theater.

If I were 3 years old and had this garbage foisted on me...I'd never want to see another movie again.

This movie was not good.

Don't take your kids to see this garbage. There are TV shows far superior to this. There are classic movies far superior to this. Last year's Winnie The Pooh is perfect for kids. Show them that.

Not this sludge.

Awful, pointless, unlikable, and unfunny. One: the costumes are just awful. They're disturbing and they can give you nightmares. Especially the 3 creatures (The Oogieloves AKA Goobie, Zoozie and Toofie). Two: The actors. CHRISTOPHER LLOYD, CARY ELVES, CLORIS LEACHMAN....These famous actors play unlikable characters. Congratulations, the career of these actors have a new low. =_= Three: The. Horrible. PLOT! They expanded finding 5 balloons in 83 minutes? It's repetitive! With lots of SLOW POINTS. Also, there are horrible puns and jokes. Like when Toofie's pants fall down...IT'S NOT FUNNY. Four: The songs are absolutely horrible. They will make you want to rip your ears off. The worst song is the awful theme song. I can't believe this piece of trash has many positive reviews. Five: The fact that this movie got theatrical release when everything screamed "Direct to DVD". I'm not forcing anyone to avoid this, but who doesn't like very annoying kid's movies shouldn't watch this.