The Retirement Plan

The best things that The Retirement Plan has going for it all hinge on the inherent comedic edge of its wacky premise. Sadly, these things are hardly ever the focus.

In fact, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen almost every good moment in this movie.

A handful of impressive moments arise when the great Nic Cage is allowed to flex his humorous energy as he kills people in hilarious fashion, and these moments were the one saving grace that kept the movie watchable.

Sadly, for most of the runtime, we're treated to a whole lot of nothing.

It's very poorly directed, having all the style of a straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal movie. And the script gives the characters absolutely nothing of interest to do and no intriguing interactions to have as they fumble their way through this generic, convoluted, banal, creatively bankrupt story without an ounce of a soul.

Oh, and the music sucks too. I'd be shocked if it all wasn't just stock action-movie music pulled off of iMovie.

This movie straddles the line between campy spoof and dark comedy, and pretty much misses the mark on both. Although there is indeed some hilarity throughout, the convoluted criminality with absurd layers of hyper espionage makes it mostly a mish-mash mess of meandering maladjustments. It coulda shoulda woulda been much funnier except for the stilted direction, wasting some fine supporting actors. It might be worthy of a second viewing with the expectation of nothing more than nonsensical silliness which it does deliver as only a Cage movie can all the way through to what has to be an intentionally inept ending.

Nicolas Cage films are always a hit or a miss, his entire career actually. This is a film that without it's charming cast or it's neatly interwoven storyline would have been a total dumpster fire. Therefore making it a perfect Nicolas Cage film.

The acting ranges vastly from silly to serious, same goes for the films tone. It bounces between funny and dramatic in an instant and it's never sure which one to settle on. However, again with the films strange charm, it's all somehow inexplicably smoothed over in the end.

Overall, I'm surprised I enjoyed it. Most of the film feels like a made for tv special but for some strange reason, I kept wanting to watch til the very end. Am I glad I did? I'm not sure yet, but I do know it was an entertaining way to waste an afternoon.

3 flash drives out of 5.

Just like most of you, i get exited when a new Cage movie comes up and want it to be a really good one. However, his movies are of a hit and miss category and you never really now what you're gonna get. This one is a complete waste of time. Plot has been seen hundreds of times, acting is sub-par, and action sequences are just silly. To sum this movie up: a colossal waste if time. I had to skip thru last 45 minutes of the movie just to see if it's leading someplace interesting, but it remained a boring pile of amateurism for the duration. Not sure who sits in these production offices for movie companies, and who makes decisions, but am pretty sure that I can do a better job. Unless they are laundering cash, this movie is an absolute "direct to the bin" candidate.

This is where actors go to die. Movies where the story, the plot, the directing, the editing and, yes, the acting are boringly bad.

Remember Rorschach from Watchmen? Remember Ben Sanderson from Leaving Las Vegas or Stanley Goodspeed from The Rock? Remember Salvatore from The Name of the Rose or Hellboy? Same actors, none of the effort. Lazy, predictable, soulless production that doesn't even deserve the required characters length for the imdb review.

I guess people need to eat and all three of these actors have said in the past that they work whatever comes their way, but that doesn't excuse the lack of conviction in their acting in this film. I bet even they hated doing it.

Bottom line: Nothing to see here. Move along.