Last of the Grads

Charles White produces an absolutely incredible performance. He carries this movie on his greasy back in way that is unmatched by any other performance in cinematic history.

I am a better man for having watched this movie ( entirely due to Charles Whites performance) and amazingly my testosterone levels actually increased by 690% the day after I watched the movie. I finally got my first pube, and Charles White takes full credit for this miracle.

My one critism ( if you can even call it that) is that even though watching this movie was the greatest moment of my life, it has simultaneously ruined every other movie for me as nothing can even produce even 1% of the pure testosterone- fulled Mastery of Charles Whites performance.

Thank you Charles White, I will never forget this masterpiece.

We all know his name. We all know his big role as Uncredited District 8 Helper from the Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1. We all aspire to be like him. After years of anticipation and blind guessing we have been blessed with his presence as Officer Greg in a new genre classic - Last of the Grads. With this performance, Charles White transcends the meaning of the term "method acting". He blurs the line between actor and character and truly becomes the grizzled police officer struggling with depression. The man looks like a dream - 5 feet ans 6 inches(the perfect height for a man), a 6.5 inches of steel and glory, and a beard of a homeless man. And the lines, don't even get me started - "limp-dick turbo-virgin loser" is now a staple phrase in my vocabulary. By the end of the film, I screeched out the legendary "WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! YEAAAAH BABYY!!" to celebrate the man's famed career. Unfortunately, the Oscars are infamous for ignoring horror films, thus snubbing some the best performances we have ever witnessed on the silver screen, so Charles will criminally go unnoticed by the Academy once again. All we can do now is hope Charles will once again star in a film and elevate it beyond regular cinema.

I rented this movie because my girlfriend and I are big fans of Cr1tikal (Charlie White) who had been promoting this on his Youtube page for months. I followed the production on Instagram and it looked promising, even boasting the participation of the same color grader who worked on "It Follows" which is a great film. This is not. It starts out decently and it looks well made, maybe a bit bright, like a soap opera. Over the course of the film it gets worse and worse. The gore FX look like wax and water dyed red in an obvious way, the script isn't great, and not a single character is more than a mere archetype or trope. Before most kills (not all, but most) there is a complete lack of build up or suspension and then the deaths kinda just happen in five seconds and are done. Overall,it's not unwatchable, but it's not worth watching again.

I actually plan to legitimately review this movie.

I, like many others I'm sure, only watched this because of Charlie. This is truly some of the worst acting I have ever seen. All of the acting was so awkward and the lines that were delivered were so unnatural. You can tell none of these actors have starred in anything else or took acting classes. And if they did, it didn't show at all. They all acted like this was their first time in front of a camera. The only sort of good actor in this was Andrew Wagenheim, and he's not even an actor, so that's saying something. This is genuinely on par with a high school film, maybe college. I don't know the budget for this film, but whatever it was, it wasn't enough to cover what they were trying to do. The "gorey" scenes were some of the worst prosthetics I've seen. Halfway through this movie, I was starting to question if this movie was actually trying to be seriously scary. I'm still bordering on whether or not this was a joke. Unfortunately, this missed the mark on being so bad it's good, this was just plain bad. I was so close to giving up halfway through, but stuck through it.

On top of this being high school level production, so many parts of this were truly nonsensical. Mainly, the death/gore scenes were just ridiculous. The killer barely uses any force and cuts off an entire hand. Also, I don't care how massive of a person you are or how you stomp on someone's face, you cannot smash someone's head like an orange with one stomp. Multiple, yeah sure maybe, but just one? Highly doubtful. Lastly, you have a guy having his face held against a fence with a belt. You can easily just...slip out from under the belt?? I don't know how else to explain this scene unless you watch it, but if you've watched it, you understand what I'm talking about.

A couple of other things that bugged me. The killer is going into the high school to try and kill everybody. It's around 30-40 people, they all run away and scream. You have around 40 people and none of you thought to band together and take on ONE dude? Even two people could have been enough to take this guy down. I understand that in a high stress situation, a lot of people have "flight" when it comes to the fight or flight response, but come on. Out of 40 individuals, no one grabbed another guy and was like "Hey, this dude only has a knife, we can take him." The second thing that bugged me was how one of the characters had no scars after 7 months later. They got slashed deep on the collarbone with nothing to show for it. (not revealing the name to try and keep it spoiler free if you're still going to attempt to watch this and care about the ending.)

One last thing. I love Charlie, I really do, but I don't know whose idea it was to make him this narcissistic. And I'm not talking about Officer Greg, I mean Charlie. I understand his promotional influence on this movie was huge and what probably drove most of the movie sales in, but everyone in the town knowing his name and the cop bawling his eyes out over him. I don't know, it just felt very..."Let's give Charlie this important role where everyone loves and respects him, because he's promoting our movie". Again, unsure of who chose to take this character direction, it could have been a mutual agreement among all parties, but it really just felt like a pandering role and felt weird. If no one else knew him and just called him "Officer" when they saw him, it wouldn't have seemed so narcissistic. I could have maybe even handled the other officer bawling his eyes out, but that role just screamed like it had a lot of self-importance to it which was off-putting.

Overall, please for everything that is holy, don't watch this movie. If you want to support Charlie, head to his Twitch stream and donate the amount of money you were about to spend to purchase this movie to him directly. I understand everyone deserves a chance, and maybe I'm being too harsh and this team could produce a decent movie with the right budget, but I just really don't have any faith in that. I would have much preferred to just hand the money directly to Charlie. Anyway, that's it, see ya.

This would have been a I forgetful b movie but the performance of officer Greg played by Charles white jr delivers a marvel worthy performance I was left in awe ...