Hood of Horror

This incredibly pathetic spin on "Tales from the Crypt" features three vignettes portraying horrific tales involving life in the ghetto. True, there are some neat death scenes - namely the one incorporating caviar - but they hardly make up for the poorly constructed plot. Is this truly how low Snoop Dogg sinks on the silver screen? The first segment features a young woman dealing with gangs by X-ing out their graffiti...and it gets TRULY nasty. The second segment features a redneck and his hubby moving in with some men formerly under his father's command and REALLY getting on their nerves. Finally, a rap star gets more than he bargained for.

What I mean by Jean-Paul Sartre is the third segment. What happens reminds me of Sartre's play "No Exit", about some people trapped in an existential Hell. Of course, I don't think that the people behind this movie intended for it to look like that. To be certain, there's absolutely nothing even remotely intellectual in this movie.

All in all, I advise avoiding "Hood of Horror". It's barely one step above terrible. Posie (Daniella Alonso) and Tiffany (Brande Roderick) were kinda hot, though. Also starring Ernie Hudson (Winston in "Ghostbusters"), Danny Trejo (you've probably seen him in Robert Rodriguez's movies) and Lin Shaye (the sunburned neighbor in "There's Something About Mary", and later the retiring flight attendant in "Snakes on a Plane").

Now, I don't want to say this is the worst movie ever, but it's pretty bad. If it weren't for a couple redeeming qualities, this movie would be at the very bottom of the barrel.

First of all, if the production value weren't so good, it wouldn't have even received the one showing it did. The production value is top notch. If it didn't involve Snoop Dogg, Danny Trejo, Jason Alexander, and a handful of other cool B-stars, then this movie wouldn't even be heard of. But it does. There is also one death that I didn't see coming. The others are terribly executed, no pun intended.

The opening sequence, while cool looking, is ages too long. Snoop is his usual double g self. "Keepin it real," as it were. Some of the acting is down right laughable, namely Posie. And at times the director chooses to use clichéd camera tricks for seemingly no reason, other than to disorient you in a scareless horror flick.

Intentional laughs, none. Scares, none. Smile worthy cheesy moments, a couple.

Was it worth paying to see in the theatres? No. Is is worth paying for to rent? No. But is it worth getting your favorite style of intoxicated and watching it with a group of friends? Almost.

Almost all the jokes can be seen as problematic these days. The "gore" was comical at best but annoying at worst... which was most of the time. The soundtrack was almost exclusively Snoop. The special effects look like something out of Birdemic. But hey, it's a Snoop horror movie. No durr it's gonna be this self-awareness circlejerk.

Now first things first, I love Snoop as a Rap artist but mostly his album "Doggystyle" is the quintessential rap album. Now this movie is terrible in so many ways. The acting is some of the worst I have ever seen. The directing was worse than a soap opera, and the stories are pointless and boring. I can see why this went Direct-to-DVD, because it is that bad. This reminds me of a poor mans "Tales from the Hood." There is nothing even mildly entertaining about this garbage either! I don't know why Snoop continues to try and act and produce movies that couldn't be shown on the Sci-Fi channel at Midnight! How this got made is beyond me. Please whatever you do, don't waste your time on this absolute garbage. I would recommend you try watching the above mentioned "Tales from the Hood" which is ten times more entertaining than this, and even that isn't that great, but it makes that look like a masterpiece.

Let me tell you straight up that if you have issues with rather low-budget anthology-movies or simply can't stand Snoop Dogg, you just better stay away from HOOD OF HORROR. I personally think Snoop's always good for a laugh or two. So, I'm rating this flick solely on fun-factor, because it's pretty much light-years away from being a stellar horror-movie.

The first segment has a good-looking ghetto-gal being granted super-powers by evil voodoo-man Danny Trejo to take on her whole graffiti-spraying neighborhood. The second one has a yuppie-couple move in with some Vietnam-vets. The greedy couple has a hidden agenda of their own, and naturally the two love-birds don't get along very well with the Vietnam-vets. Third and final segment shows us that the price of fame always catches up with you, no matter how big a rap-star you are. And when you've attained wealth and stardom in a rather dubious manner, you're in for some real 'shiiiit'.

All stories have some very nasty and entertaining blood 'n' gore effects. Especially the climax of the second segment is pretty hilarious. The scene (first segment) that proofs sipping on gin & juice can cause a nasty splitting head-ache is a total hoot! Da Doggster himself is indeed worth a laugh or two (just watch out for the scene were he says "Doggy want a bone?" and then "boom!" goes the gun), but he didn't seem to have had a lot of directing guidelines. I suppose he must have thought his coolness was all it would take to play the part. His Cribkeeper character (or whatever it's called in the movie) has a nice back-ground story, told to us by a slick-looking anime-style animated wrap-around story. In addition, at the end of the movie, we get some sort of video-clip (featuring some of the cast members - including a devil-midget) of a Snoop Dogg song (apparantly especially written for the soundtrack for HOOD OF HORROR). He's just rapping it up on some fiery ghetto-set with a lot of demon-babes shaking their T&A. Pretty dumb song too, by the way, that seems to have been written and recorded in just one hour. The video-clip itself is of the same "cinematographic" quality as the rest of the movie (which means: tolerable and watchable).

Final judgement: No flunk from Da Vomitron, because this flick follows the rules of an anthology movie nicely (three segments with a nice twist at the end, which you may or may not see coming and a fun wrap-around story). The rather low-budget didn't make 'em skimp on the decent gore-effects. The don't-take-it-all-serious vibe and Da Doggster's witty nonsense made it all a bit more enjoyable too.

Now if you want to see a really good "horror in the hood" anthology movie, I full-heartedly recommend TALES FROM THE HOOD. At least Snoop Dogg's HOOD OF HORROR is a lot better than insufferable crap-fests like CUTTHROAT ALLEY and DA HIP HOP WITCH (dare I even watch HOOD OF THE LIVING DEAD? Anyone?), but it still remains just an entertaining nonsensical time-waster. A fun quickie, if you please.