L'attaque des sangsues

Okay, the "leeches" are rubber leech gloves on someone's hands. The swim team is a collection of non-acting, nondescript, male models who can't afford shirts. The females are utterly useless. The "story" seems thrown together at the last minute, and the filming itself has a closed in, tunnel vision look, like we're zeroed in on 10% of what's going on, while missing 90% of the picture.

Is LEECHES the worst movie ever made? No, there are equally dismal pieces of cinematic dross out there.

So, while this movie might be extremely painful, it won't cause agonizing death. Director David DeCoteau has his target audience, and perhaps this hits that mark. Otherwise, it's sub-sludge in its most pungent form...

I've got a friend who plays on my masochistic urges. He tries to dig up the worst movies that he can because he knows I'll watch anything once. 'Leeches' was his most recent bid to break my spirit. It is pretty far from great, but it is no worse than you might expect it to be. This is actually a very good time to 'judge a book by its cover.' Everything you need or want to know is there.

In fairness, the film is not trying to be anything more than a low-level exploitation film. A similarly masochistic buddy of mine watched it with me and we actually found it hilariously funny in a couple of spots. The acting is total cheeseball and the dialogue is ridiculous. The film is charged with homo-eroticism. Come on, it is just hilarious the number of shower scenes that take place, and the fact that all of the guys go into slow motion when they undress to go swimming.

The leeches are pretty funny. They move very slowly ... until they attack. Then suddenly they become piranhas and move with lightening speed. The leeches also have high pitched squeaky voices. Oh yes, this is a special film.

If I was going to be generous I would say you could watch this film as a satire of teen monster movies or that it is maybe a message film -- "Steroids are BAD!" You'll be happier if you watch it and just revel in the b-movie humour. A lot of it is unintentional and the actors all take their parts with a hilarious degree of seriousness. What little hope there might have been for this movie was spoiled by a completely random plot twist in the last moments of the movie.

I was going to list a series of questions that the movie had brought up for me, like why a competitive swim team with an Olympic sized pool would need to swim in a leech infested lake. I don't really want to waste anymore time on this movie though and I hope anyone reading this is doing it pre-emptively. I love bad movies but this is just garbage, sprinkled with a side of unintentional humour.

Leeches is by far the worst movie I've had the "pleasure" of seeing this year. I love low budget creature-feature type flicks, but this one is unforgivably bad. It's also the most blatantly homo-erotic movie I've ever seen. Every two minutes there's a slow motion "buff guy undressing" scene for no reason. All the young male actors take off their shirts/pants (in gratuitous slow motion) for no reason at all, even during the horror scenes. Seriously, you have to see it to believe it, it's awful. The leech attacks are a series of strobe effects and bizarre editing, this is one horrible crappy flick. AVOID! 1/10

This movie is not worth seeing. The special effects are worthless. The movie doesn't even make sense from the very beginning. The first giant leech to attack crawls in a guy's mouth when he slips in the gym shower room and is knocked out. In fact, the leeches almost always wait until they get to a person's face before they bite. It's so dumb.

There is nothing of value no matter what your gender or sexual orientation. The director obviously thinks guys are more interesting to watch. The guys are always scanned up and down by the camera and almost always topless.

There's nothing added to the movie to make up for the lack of special effects, sanity and imagination. If you're going to make a B thriller movie, at least make it interesting.

This is by no means a good horror movie other than sitting around to make fun of it. My friends and I have entire bad horror movie marathons, just to get a kick out of how bad they really are. We watched this Wednesday evening and laughed and laughed. It's not so terrible it's unwatchable, but watch it if you love good "bad" horror movies. It's akin to the 70's movie "Frogs" for the modern age and is still as crappy. Still, it's watchable, unless you're a homophobe and are too insecure to handle shots of male chests and legs and the occasional butt shot. Most people rate it badly because of this, but since I am secure with my heterosexualness, I don't need to judge it solely on the fact that it seems to have gay undertones. (even though there's no gay couples what so ever)