The Lord of the G-Strings: The Femaleship of the String

Lord of the G-Strings (2003)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

This being Seduction Cinema and featuring Misty Mundae you know you're in for some soft-core sex. This here is a spoof of the LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy with Misty playing the Throbbit Dildo Saggins who is given the magical G-string from a drunken wizard. Dildo must then travel to a lesbian island to destroy the bad guys while along the way licking as many women as possible. I guess it's fair to say that the "story" really shouldn't matter in a film like this but while watching it I still couldn't help but have a flashback to my teenage years where my buddies and I would stay up late on Friday nights just to check out the latest soft-core flick on Cinemax. You know, looking back on those movies they actually look pretty good and especially when you compare them to the latest trend, which is low-budget movies shot quickly and with a mostly unknown cast. Mundae has become a cult favorite due in large part to her very much looking like the girl next door. In the day and age where every "porn" star has breast implants, tans and more fake parts than a Frankenstein monster, many people enjoy the natural looking Mundae. I must admit that she's quite cute and when she wants to she can also deliver a fine performance. The performance aspect is pretty much gone here but she does manage to have a couple good sex scenes including a sequence towards the end where the threesome eventually turns into a sevensome as more and more ladies join the fun. I will admit that most of the sex scenes get rather boring as the soft-core elements just aren't as strong as many other films out there and even for such a soft flick the scenes just seem too timid for their own good. The supporting cast features some familiar faces to those familiar with Seduction Cinema. As you'd expect, on a technical level everything is pretty bland here with some incredibly bad acting, silly costumes and some computer effects that appear to be left over from the era of the original Duck Hunt. Fans of THE LORD OF THE RINGS probably won't be impressed with any of the "jokes" here as they are pretty lame. So, with that in mind, the film's really just for Misty fans who must see everything she's done.

Turn of the millennium softcore starlet Misty Mundae appears in the woods wearing a cloak and addressing the camera. She talks some garbage about "throbbits" and "Dildo Saggins", the character she plays in the flick, and something to do with a g-string.

After some awful CGI, which is thankfully brief, we get a scene of Mundae in the same wood, masturbating. She meets a tall, wizard-type in the forest, and asks if he's there for the throbbit festival.

More awful CGI, and then we are apparently at the "festival", which seems to consist of a few men drinking beer at a picnic table while Mundae and another girl dance on top of it.

Mundae meets a meek individual she calls Ballem who didn't want to see her naked. She comes onto them and they have sex, while, get this - BAGPIPE music plays. I have never heard bagpipes in a sex scene before, I kid you not.

The wizard makes another appearance, inexplicably referencing the most famous line from "American Pie", and then we get the movie's first lesbian sex scene between two unintroduced actresses. The one on the left has obviously fake breasts, the first implants we've seen as well. They are interrupted by a group of men wearing medieval costume, but continue having sex, now with an audience of guys who look like they got lost on the way home from a Renaissance fair.

We then get an ill-advised and inept battle scene. Who the hell wants to see that in a softcore flick?

The battle is interrupted by a bare breasted sex kitten wearing a nifty bondage outfit. She apparently gets killed (no blood or anything) and a guy steals her g-string. I guess that's where the title comes from.

The wizard tasks Dildo (the Misty Mundae/Erin Brown character) to go get the g-string.

There are two guys wearing blue make-up fighting in the woods with a beautiful blonde woman. She saves the life of a purple-hat wearing guy. The woman introduces herself as the queen of the nymphomaniacs - apparently the screenwriters couldn't be bothered coming up with a Lord of the Rings parody title for that, so they just called it what it is.

The nympho queen has sex with the guy she saved while the three "throbbits" (Misty Mundae and two other girls) watch.

A naked woman, with very nice breasts, but a face like Sandra Bernhard, wanders out of the woods and into the "throbbits"' path. A Celtic stereotype (I couldn't tell if he was supposed to be Irish or Scottish) comes out and has a conversation with the naked Sandra Bernhard-lookalike. The movie tries a lot of sly humour aside from its typical porno-parodic names (throbbits, g-strings, Dildo Saggins instead of Bilbo Baggins). This mostly just comes across as lame, as you can imagine.

The three "throbbits" start wanting to put on the g-string. They go to a bar where Mundae has sex with another girl. The attempt to make this bar look like something out of a fantasy movie is pretty half hearted. There are fake shields and swords on the walls, sure, but there are also pool tables.

After having sex on one of these pool tables, Misty seems to become light hearted, and her friends take her back to the woods, where they meet another leather clad woman.

A bad guy is introduced at about the one hour mark. He farts a lot.

A lesbian threesome scene is then shown between the other two throbbits and the leather lady. Mundae wastes little time in joining in.

There's some more rubbish with the late-to-the-party bad guy, which I didn't really try to follow. No one watches this stuff for the "story", obviously, but what story there is is tedious and hard to follow. I wish they'd chosen a simpler story to rip off.

We then get kind of a lesbian orgy in the woods, with seven women going at it all at once. But this is a softcore movie, so they're really just licking each other nipples while biting their lips. And kissing.

The "climax" features a lot more fake fart noises and special effects that you could whip up in Macromedia Flash back in 1997.

At last, the "throbbits" meet some backwards hat wearing guy who appears to be hanging out in the back of a film set - a set the makers of this movie weren't allowed to use, hence all the scenes in the woods. They get the g-string from the guy, meet the Sandra Bernhard-type again, and end the movie with a little three-way.

This movie really didn't do much for me and I was glad when it was over.

Well, one evening my friends and I decided to check out the "after hours" section of On Demand. Being big LOTR fans, we had to check this one out. Not actually interested in all the girl on girl action, my friends and I found ourselves fast-forwarding through the sex scenes in order to watch the goofy plot develop in between. Who does that? Anyhow, we all found it entertaining, and Misty Mundae does bear a striking resemblance to Alyson Hannigan in the "American Pie" trilogy, as Smirnof points out once in the movie. All in all, it was enjoyable, the toilet humor being one of its strong points. If you're looking for a steamy flick, I would recommend skipping over this one, but if you enjoy stupid humor and relish the thought of watching the Throbbit Dildo Saggins and other crazy characters (Sour Ass and Smirnof to name a few) definitely give it a look, it's bound to make you giggle.

Okay, admittedly, this is a bad movie, but it's so bad it's funny.

The girls are hot, the acting is bad, the breasts are, for the most part, small, but the costumes are nice, the outfits on the girls are worth the price of rental... so if you want to laugh, check it out.

Well where to begin. Diddle Earth is once again threatened by the evil weapon known as the G-String. Smirnoff the wizard enlists three Throbbits from Throbbiton to go up against the forces of evil, namely Soura$$ the wizard and the one that continually searches for his precious, Ballem. Will the three Throbbits, Dildo Saggins, Horny and Spam survive their quest and destroy the G-String in the chasm of Mount Partypooper? Better yet, will we care?

This spoof by the guys at Seduction Cinema is actually pretty entertaining. Stupid funny are all the jokes with ample amounts of female nudity and lesbian sex. It is just your typical softcore guy flick. No socially redeeming qualities. But you already guessed that I think. The film has a few attractive ladies in this one. I know I'm a pig.

Suspiria10 gives it C-