Le couvent

"The Convent" is a very UNoriginal but fun splatter-horror flick with the usual formula of dumb teenagers awakening an ancient type of evil they can't possibly deal with. The very cool and mood-setting opening sequence shows a young girl gunning down a bunch of nuns and a priest before setting fire to the convent/boarding school they're living in. The urban legend says that this girl – Christine – went insane after a forced abortion and that the convent is haunted by the restless souls of the nuns ever since. Now, 40 years later, a group of crazy college students breaks into the abandoned convent to play fraternity jokes, but soon they get possessed by demons in nuns' clothes and they're recruited to assist in performing virgin-sacrifices to Satan almighty. There's few tension or atmosphere but the script luckily enough inserts a lot of OTT-humor and ingenious ideas (a bunch of unbelievably clumsy devil-worshipers!) that makes this routine horror flick worth watching. The make-up effects are quite grotesque and nasty, with blood spurting out of every body hole and heads that are chopped off by the dozen. The dark and ramshackle convent makes an excellent horror location and the nun-costumes are really terrific. The true heroine of this film is Adrienne Barbeau ("The Fog", "Escape from N.Y") as the skilled demon-killer who comes to save the day. There equally are splendid cameo appearances for rapper Coolio and Bill Mosely ("House of 1.000 Corpses"). "The Convent" isn't exactly fundamental viewing, but it's good and unscrupulous horror-entertainment that fans will surely appreciate.

Let me begin by saying that I dont believe a movie needs to be "good" to be entertaining. I myself am in love with some of the worst movies ever made, and find myself watching them over and over again. If you'd like to know what they are, drop me a line.

This movie, however, is miserable. The gore isnt gorey. The Horror isnt horrifying. The jokes arent funny (and are WAY out of place).

This movie was given a lot of hype a few years ago. Trailers of the film were all over the web, and they were interesting. It was hinted that it was too graphic and violent to be released, and "oh, please help us find this future horror masterpiece a distributer before it fades away into obscurity and is never seen." Well, maybe that would have been best.

This movie semed to steal the plot of "Night of the Demons" and mix it up with some banal Scooby Doo episode. They even offer characters ripped out of Saturday Night Live's "Goth Talk".

It opens in 1959 with the torching of a all girls Catholic school/convent by a disgruntled student. She hauls guns, gas and explosives into the chapel and destroys everyone in sight, all to the tune of Leslie Gore's "You Don't Own Me". Next, we are brought into present times with two girls, one a simple sorority pledge and her former best friend, a goth chick. The goth chick is the only interesting/sympathetic character, so of course she is the first to go. Some more 'zany teens" show up, and all head off to "The Convent". Its become the local urban legend hot spot and make-out point.

That is really all you need to know. You know where its going...you know where it's gone. Someone gets possessed, they, in turn, possess someone else, and so on, and so on, and so on. Until someone has to run and get the chick that torched the place 40-some years ago in the first place.

Its just horrible. Im so sorry for Coolio, who has a sad little cameo in the film. Im so sorry for Adrienne Barbeau who apparently doesnt have anything else to look foreward to.

Usually I don't try and tell people NOT to see a movie. We all have different tastes, and someone might actually like a film I hate. I already saw a review title which gave this movie a good vibe. In my opinion they are WRONG. I just wouldn't feel right if I didn't warn you about how incredibly disappointed you'd be!!!!!!! Lousy special effects, a bad script, a crappy story line... and the fact that you can't even recognize David Gunn..... that just was too much to handle!!!!! The plotline could've worked if they just hadn't totally BLOWN it from the very beginning... seriously... I only rented it because David Gunn was in it, and he turned out to have such a bad role that it made me run into the bathroom and bow to the porcelain god. He was far better in "Vampire Journals". Then again, he was the hero in that movie. In this one he's a fasletto-ed nobody who thinks he's somebody! Seriously, stay away from this movie!

Hell yeah! That's pretty much the feeling the average person will have throughout this compact and action-filled piece of garbage. It's an incredibly crazy, riveting and somewhat moronic 75 minutes, it's the kind of project that defines what B-list horror should be all about. The hilarious (in a sadistic way) opening immediately drags you in, and the movie just utterly refuses to let you go after that. Demonic zombie nuns, fluorescent(!) blood, hot chicks, washed-up gangsta rapper Coolio playing a cop, I thank God for showing me all this pure uncut greatness. If all this stuff can't get your attention, I really don't know what will. The Adrienne Barbeau appearance is just icing on the cake, brilliant role. Of course this movie isn't particularly well-made or well-written, but I stopped caring roughly ten seconds in. Loads of fun.

A group of dumb, sex straved teenagers break into an abandon convent and accidently raise demons that proceed to kill them. The only person they can turn to is Adrienne Barbeau. The only person to ever escape from the demons alive.

Boring, poorly done film is certainly different, but different isn't always good. Sloopy gore effects, editing that looks like it was done by a chainsaw, and some of the most annoying characters ever demolish whatever chances it had. Adrienne Barbeau livens things up when she finally arrives on screen and gives the film a touch of class, but alas it is too late and too little screen time for her.

Rated R; Graphic Violence, Adult Themes, Sexual Situations, Nudity, and Profanity.