Velvet Smooth

Somebody's running a takeover on crime lord King Lathrop's operation using goons in nondescript full-face masks. Clueless, King Lathrop calls private detective Velvet Smooth (Johnnie Hill) for help. With the help of her friends Ria, a lawyer, and Frankie, she infiltrates the criminal underworld to investigate.

The title song is completely laughable. It's a grade F rip off of Bond theme songs. The print I streamed was just the worst. Filled with emulsion scratch lines and something I've never seen before -- red emulsion dots raining down on the movie. It was like the movie was screen through a bucket of sand!

Anyway the acting is horrible. This is pure grindhouse. Velvet is sort of a poor man's Pam Grier but she's the worst actress on Earth.

The street scenes are clearly filmed without permits. Ordinary people on the street seemed to think this was real! Mostly in the Cobble Hill section of Brooklyn.

It's really a minor player in the Blaxploitation film genre. Don't let it be your first foray into the mix. It will turn you off to the others that are way better.

Velvet Smooth (1975) plunders Cleopatra Jones territory and stars Johnnie Hill, a stick-thin fashion disaster in her lemon suit and Tamara Dobson afro wig. Martial arts was the old stand-by to warm up any old leftovers, and true to grindhouse cinema tradition, Velvet Smooth contains the lamest kung-fu scenes you'll ever witness, where the punches land twelve inches from their target. Best of all is the title song: "Velvet Smooth, you are the one... Velvet Smooth, with love or with guns... You're Velvet Smooth, with piece in hand... If fate takes your youth, I won't understand..."

This little known film is worthy of seeking out . So o.k the production values are limited and the walls move when they close doors , but don't yours ? Our heroine is the foxy detective who is trying to find out who is breaking in to a local drug tzars turf , with plot lines skipping all over the place she soon learns not to trust anyone .. why was she hired in the first place..whats the alteria motive of the gang leader. Velvet soon discovers the truth and unleashes a whole can of "whoop ass" on the hapless baddies. Its not the best but its a hell of a lot better than the worst , and our leading lady..whoa !

Mega-gangster King Lathrop (Owen Watson) is being hit, and hit hard. Somebody's moving in on his action, and roughing up his customers. King calls in VELVET SMOOTH (Johnnie Hill) to make things happen. Ms. Smooth gets her crew together, including Frankie (Rene Van Clief).

Let the throw-down showdown begin!

See! A dozen masked thugs karate kicked to near extinction!

Watch! As their manhood is put into critical condition!

Velvet and Frankie are taking out the trash!

VELVET SMOOTH is another "urban" crime-thriller from the 1970's. While it's not at the bottom of the barrel, it's certainly no COFFY or CLEOPATRA JONES, either. It does have that funky 70's charm going on.

Yes, Ms. Hill speaks as though she's still rehearsing her lines, but hey! She's awesome! Looking good in red! Especially when she's kicking major felonious buttocks! Sure, the fight choreography is a bit south of TNT JACKSON, but hey! Velvet is Smooooth! Even when the microphone is in plain view, like a character in itself!

Right on!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: The theme song! "Outta Sight" doesn't even begin to describe it!...

When people talk about this genre Velvet Smooth is rarely mentioned, however with the recent re-release this may change.

Despite being in full HD the transfer suffers from what looks like a lava eruption on the screen all the way through.

The selling point of this movie is the hysterically funny fight scenes, of which there are many. Everyone in this movie does terrible karate. Its as if everyone in this city has been compelled to take bad karate classes or they ain't allowed out of the house.

The reason for so much fighting is to do with some crime syndicate who basically go around bashing people up in hilarious ways while funny sound effects play.

There is the obvious funk soundtrack of this movie however during fight scenes it breaks down into a complete racket.

This is one of those female led movies so expect to see one woman beating up twenty huge men who all take turns to attack her and only jump in when its their turn.

There is a Kojack look a like in this, Ko-Jim maybe?

If MST3K havent touched this yet I would be surprised, its definitely the same standard as Guy From Harlem.

Recommended if you can find a copy and want a great laugh.