Icebreaker

Let me start off by saying I am a huge Bruce Campbell fan. Almost everything he does is great entertainment. Things that come to mind are Evil Dead II, Army of Darkness, Brisco County, Xena, and even Jack of All Trades.

So when I saw Icebreaker was playing on Showtime, I thought it might be fun. I was disappointed. I am no movie critic, so let me just describe the movie as bad. Now, some Bruce Campbell movies, like Evil Dead II, are so bad that they are hilarious, and that makes them good. Icebreaker is just plain bad. The plot is silly, the dialog is uninspired, and even the action is tedious, that is, unless you really like skiing and machine guns.

It is a shame, because it looked like Icebreaker had a decent budget. I got the impression that about halfway through, everyone realized it was a dud, but they had no choice but to finish it. Next time, someone needs to read the script before they start shooting.

I'm glad this was the only thing on when I was attempting to avoid being responsible...I couldn't stomach much more than five minutes of it (so I got back to work...boo hoo...) though I left it playing just to remind myself of what a real piece of cinematic trash looks like.

I'd like to know who financed this since I could use a loan for a real movie ha! ha! The acting stinks. The plot is retarded and I mean just what is the point? I like Bruce Campbell and Sean Astin and know both of them have done some cheesy work, but I would have to be paid a lot of money to save my shame and embarrassment on this one. It's one thing if a movie is meant to be cheesy, but for some reason, I get the impression that this one was meant to be taken seriously. Yeah, I'd show off my snowboarding skills if I were being chased by someone intent on killing me...I mean I am that good. Of course the thug chasing Sean Astin was doing helicopters too, as if they were choreagraphed by someone in junior high school...

What a waste. I pity the fool who thinks this was a worthy work.

Terrorists take over a ski resort in search of some "plutonium stolen from the Russians" that went down in the woods. Sean Astin, looking just as he did in "The Goonies", scampers earnestly around the mountain as a member of the Ski Patrol, spending most of his actual time running away from the machine gun-wielding intruders as they blindly shoot at him. His biggest concern is not the radioactive material which could incinerate the entire mountain, but the fact that he is late to a lunch date with his fiancee and her father, played by Stacy Keach. Chrome dome Bruce Campbell is the haughty leader of the terrorists, dying from some unspecified disease. Nice scenery, and a fairly exciting chase scene on skis, snowboards, and snowmobile, but what's the point?

The plot in Icebreaker is such a mess that it doesn't merit much discussion. A group of terrorists descend on a Vermont ski resort looking for a downed plane carrying a nuclear device. In the end, however, the nuclear device is all but an afterthought as the head baddie sets his sights on the lesser goal of blowing up a ski gondola with one person on board. Ski patrol member Matt is on the case to stop the terrorists and save his fiancé (who is quite naturally the person on the gondola).

How in the name of all that is Holy did the makers of Icebreakers get a cast that includes Sean Astin, Stacy Keach, and Bruce Campbell? Were these guys that hard-up for work? Do they enjoy skiing so much that a free weekend on the slopes of Killington was enough to entice them? Did the producers have compromising photos? I just don't get it. Astin may be a good actor, but he's not my image of an action hero. When I think of Arnold Schwarzenegger, Chuck Norris, and Rob Van Dam - Sean Astin is not the next name that comes to mind. Stacy Keach phones in his performance from the State line. It's obvious he has no interest in Icebreakers. As for Campbell, as much as I love him, not even he can save this thing. Bruce's charm, so evident in the Evil Dead Series or Brisco County or even Burn Notice, is not here. Like Keach, he doesn't look overly interested in the project.

But the acting's not the problem - it's the muddled plot. I watched the whole thing and still have no idea what was motivating the terrorists. They want the nuclear device simply because that's what a terrorist would do. The take-over of the ski resort seemed so unnecessary. Their plan had not gone so off-track that they still couldn't have secretly gotten their weapon and disappeared. Why bring so much attention to their activities? The answer - it's in the script. The whole thing this is a complete mess. Character motivation in Icebreakers makes absolutely no sense.

I'll give Icebreakers a generous 3/10.

First off, i cannot believe that ANYONE has recommended this movie and, OH YES, they have indeed. I caught this load of stink on network TV, luckily, not parting with any cash. It is TERRIBLE! The only redeeming feature of this movie is that it lowers the bar so much that Batteries Not Included may be resurrected and released by Criterion. I watch a lot of movies and some are bad, but if there is one thing that makes the viewing of a movie an awful experience it is feeling embarrassed for everyone involved with the making of it. PLEASE, do yourself a favor, if you are tempted to rent this or, God help us, buy this, or if it is on TV...READ A BOOK, GO FOR A WALK, WRITE A SCRIPT! Chances are if you are consulting IMDb for anything, then you could write, direct, and star in a better movie, much better, than this. Many compare this to Die-hard on a small scale, but that is a movie worth watching every few years, this is a movie that brings shame to low budget indie films. I love Bruce Campbell but you can't really do anything all that interesting with a horrible script. The fat hobbit is decent in films with great scripts. Do you see where I am going with this? A bad script is a bad script is a bad script and nothing can really make up for that, certainly not lame special effects and abominable acting. It does take place on a ski resort, and if you like ski movies that teeter on the fine line between trash and cult treasure, then I recommend watching Hot Dog The Movie. At least you'll laugh WITH the cast and enjoy the guilty pleasure of cheap titillation. My official scoring for this movie is 1 out of 10 because one isn't presented the option of 0 out of 10. Ed Wood would've relieved himself on this script before finishing page 10. If you are a filmmaker interested in learning everything you shouldn't do, watch it. Anyone else, including family of those involved, just pretend like it never existed and go outside and look at the sky for a couple of minutes, breathe in the air, and run your hands through the blades of grass at your feet.