- Bugs Bunny: [encountering Michael in a alley] You know, kid, you don't look so good. What's dis?
- [picks up something Michael had dropped by a trashcan]
- Bugs Bunny: ... A joint? So, what's the big attraction? I mean how did you get started anyway?
- Michael: I started cuz I wanted to. What do you care?
- [storms off, Bugs drags him back by the tail of his shirt]
- Bugs Bunny: Call it curiosity, doc, but if you're giving me that old 'cuz I wanted to' routine, maybe you need a little memory refresher.
- [pushes a button and a box transforms]
- Michael: A time machine?
- Bugs Bunny: Heh heh, I borrowed it from some coyote.
- Theodore: [shocked after discovering that Michael stole Corey's piggy bank] I can't believe it! Corey's own brother?
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: Wally never did this sort of thing to The Beav.
- Daffy Duck: This is odd. The picture is very dark. All I can see is...
- Michael: You're looking into a bowling ball.
- Daffy Duck: Yes, of course. That would explain the 7-10 split.
- [Michael sees himself on his deathbed]
- Michael: It's- it's me. This is my future?
- Daffy Duck: It is if you don't get off those drugs!
- [some cartoon characters visit and help Michael]
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: You use, you lose!
- Baby Piggy: Listen to us! We care about you, Mikey!
- Bugs Bunny: What's up, doc, is your life, if you don't cut it out.
- Kermit: There's nothing cool about a fool on drugs!
- Huey, Dewey, Louie: [altogether] Just believe in yourself!
- Michaelangelo: Yeah! You're excellent just the way you are! Without drugs!
- Michael: [scared] HOW DO I GET OUT OF HERE?
- [a door back to Michael's room appears in front of him and the characters]
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: [after emerging from a picture frame on Corey's dresser after her piggy bank is stolen] You wanna help track down the thief, Garfield?
- Garfield: [Garfield is a lamp] Hey, going through life with a blue lampshade is work enough. Wake me when the lasagna comes.
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: [yanks the lamp attachment off Garfield] Let me rephrase that: do you wanna help, or do you wanna be lunch?
- Garfield: [salutes and climbs off the dresser] My luck to be stuck on a dresser with a pushy alien.
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: The sound of a breaking piggy... if ever I've heard one.
- Garfield: Two sounds you can't miss: The sound of a breaking piggy, and the sizzle of hot lasagna.
- Michael: Where's the color?
- Bugs Bunny: Listen, kid. This is the past, and the past is in black and white. Get it?
- Michael: [throwing the drugs away] Corey! Don't you ever, EVER, ever do this stuff!
- Corey: But you did it!
- Michael: I was a dope. I was wrong.
- Corey: Then stop! Please, Michael.
- Michael: I don't know if I can.
- Smoke: Face it, kid. We're buddies for life, whether you like it or not.
- Corey: You don't have to quit on your own. Talk to Mom and Dad! They'll help! I'll help!
- Smoke: Listen to me, Mikey.
- Michael: I think I've listened to you long enough.
- [he throws Smoke out a window, sending him into a garbage truck]
- Smoke: You can't get rid of me this easy! I'll be back, and you can bet on it!
- Michael: He's right, you know. He will try to come back.
- Corey: And when he gets here, we'll be ready for him. Right, guys?
- All Cartoons: [on a poster] Right!
- Pooh: [Micheal frees Pooh from the cabinet] Oh! Oh thank goodness! I thought I was going to miss something important.
- [He jumps his way to the poster and magically joins the other cartoons]
- Pooh: [last lines]
- Michael: C'mon, sis. Let's go talk to Mom and Dad.
- Michael: [Alf shows Michael what he will look like in the future, via a mirror] Who is that?
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: Well, it's not Freddy Krueger. This is you. Pretty pitiful, huh?
- Theodore: What's all this for?
- Alvin: Either someone's conducting a major chemistry experiment, or this is a serious no-no.
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: Toto, something tells me we're not in cartoon territory anymore.
- Bugs Bunny: Okay, you win. You got me dead to rights. I'm not a cop, I'm a rabbit, but just because I got long ears doesn't mean there's nothing in between 'em.
- Baby Piggy: Hey, this isn't romantic, it's not even pretty, and most important, I DON'T LIKE IT IN HERE!
- [Bugs takes out a blue block with a red button on it. He presses it and drops it on the ground. It turns into a time machine]
- Michael: A time machine?
- Bugs Bunny: I borrowed it from some coyote.
- [Michael and Smoke have fallen through an open manhole into a sewer. They see Michaelangelo of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles]
- Michaelangelo: Cowabunga, dude! How did you ever get so totally cool?
- Michael: What are we doing down here?
- Michaelangelo: Like, you fell through a radical hole, dude! You could've avoided it, but you weren't thinking. Come to think of it, that's a lot of your problem.
- Michael: What problem?
- Michaelangelo: Drugs, bud. Your brain must be, like, really messed up.
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: [as he and Michael approach a mirror] What do you see?
- Michael: Me. I see me.
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: Wrong!
- [blows a whistle]
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: Flag on the play! Ten point penalty!
- [ALF spins the mirror and shows Michael's future reflection]
- Michael: Who's that?
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: Well, it's not Freddy Krueger. This is you. Pretty pitiful, huh? You see, drugs aren't you pal, pal. They're your enemy, storming the battlements, trying to take control.
- Michael: I can quit if I want to! I'm in charge of my life!
- Gordon 'ALF' Shumway: Wrong! Not if you're on drugs.
- Baby Piggy: [realizes where their roller coaster is going] The human brain?
- Kermit: You see, Michael, drugs can take you up and make you feel okay for a while,
- [the car drops]
- Kermit: but for every up, there's a down, and the bigger the up, the steeper the down!
- Baby Piggy: You're Gonna Owe Me Big for This One, Frog!
- [screams in terror]
- Kermit: You get used to thrill rides like this real fast!
- [the car speeds through a loop]
- Kermit: But pretty soon, they're not even a *thrill* anymore, then you've gotta take drugs just to feel normal!
- [first lines]
- [while Corey was asleep in her bed, someone steals her piggy bank from off her dresser]
- Papa Smurf: [in a Smurfs comic book, Papa Smurfs steps out of his house, yawning] Morning already? I was smurfing like a baby.
- [gasps as he notices Corey's missing piggy bank]
- Papa Smurf: Great Smurfs! Corey's piggy bank is gone!