Cousin Betty

Very sloppily made, using "real-time" shooting and a single set, COUSIN BETTY is what current "reality TV", say "Big Brother", might look like if it were done XXX style rather than the insipid titillation/tease approach we get instead. Something Weird revived this ancient porn effort on Vol. 82 of its Dragon Art Theatre series.

What is likable about this garbage is an anonymous actress (IMDb calls her Lynn Nelson) as Betty. Introduced as demure & mousey with glasses on, once she sheds her duds for a much-needed shower she reveals a perfect figure: firm breasts with pointy nipple cones, and an a very attractive visage. I would love to see her in a decently made film, but alas, we have COUSIN BETTY instead.

I tried making some sense of this non-story, but failed. Most mainstream films have continuity errors, sometimes funny ones, but the deranged (or retarded) anonymous filmmakers here confuse the order of footage, the identity and relationships of the non-characters and other simple matters in confounding fashion.

Opening scene has the top-heavy Carol Connors in bed with a guy who runs off to work before finishing his servicing of her (the beast!). We presume he's her husband, but wrongo! (Or maybe he is -since the film doesn't make any sense in either logical interpretation of what transpires).

Carol's neighbor Marie stops in "for some coffee" but gets a lesbian sex scene instead. A guy named Mike joins them for some troilism action, and I thought he was Marie's hubby. But next scene has Carol and Mike schmoozing, with her requesting $20 for a hat -it turns out he's her hubby. So who was the first guy? Go figure.

At this point, the doorbell rings and Carol claims it might be Cousin Betty -she's psychic since this is a surprise visit from the soft-spoken lass from Montana. Carol joins Betty in the shower for another lesbian scene, and the mystery man comes home from work and has sex with Betty. Mike meanwhile has a 3-way again with Carol & Marie that looks suspiciously like out-takes or just continuation footage from their previous scene. Betty joins them after admitting to balling "20 cousins" back in Montana: quantity rather than quality incest. The abbreviated print preserved for posterity by Something Weird ends abruptly mid-orgy.

Whose husband is whose? That is the burning question raised by this empty little slice of life. The liner notes from the SWV shill predictably confuse matters further, calling the first mystery guy Mike, when clearly during the course of the film it is he who calls the other guy Mike. Except for the brief moments of "Lynn Nelson" displaying her amazing beauty, plus the chance to see Connors again, this is worthless junk.