Attention! Enfants

After reading some of the outraged viewer comments I decided to write give my 1 cent. I am a 31 year old b-horror movie obsessed freak that still lives with his parents- so maybe that explains my taste in absolute trash. Over the years I have obtained a collection of dvds, videos, and laserdiscs that puts most video stores to shame (of course that is not saying much these days with Blockbuster and Hollywood video stores horrible horror section). Since I couldn't rent this at the time I bought this, I purchased this after seeing some clips of children being shot in really unrealistic fashion I couldn't resist.

The key is this- very campy. All you "Grudge-Ring-I know What You Did Last Summer with Van Helsing" fans will probably not "get it". What is there to get, you may ask? It's just funny, funny that a movie was put together professionally, shot on 35 mm film, that has scenes where children get shot on screen and they actually use squibs (some of you know what squibs are). Yes, you can see the kids breathing, strings connected arrows, and blood tubes, etc. But that's why I bought it.

So, the film as a whole is not that entertaining, but the death sequences are worth it for you fans of the bottom of the barrel films. Have fun. I'm going to go back to my room before my mom asks me to take the trash out.

OK, I love horror, I live horror, I write horror and make money at it too, and I'm easy to please . . . but, *Beware! Children at Play* is laughable and downright ridiculous. And, maybe, just maybe, that's what makes it so fun to watch, if anything else.

Talk about wooden acting, this has it twofold. But heck, would you buy a film titled *Beware! Children at Play*, by TROMA INC. nonetheless, and honestly trust to see Academy Award winning performances? I hope not. However, these are REALLY bad.

The main character has the voice of Terry `Hollywood Hulk' Hogan, as well as his acting capacity. And the whole plot premise is totally unbelievable. The police protocol, as it is portrayed in this movie, is bogus . . . not real life by any stretch of the imagination. The scene where the little girl is taken from her back yard and the way in which it is handled made me feel stupid just sitting there watching. So silly that it gives fiction a whole new meaning. Some of the dialogue is up to par, though. The ending isn't all that great as some of the reviewers would have you believe-typical TROMA gore-splatter effects. I think with a camcorder, friends, neighbors, and a few thousand dollars, I could make *Beware! Children at Play: Part 2*. Actually, I know I could.

I'm sure it goes without saying, that this film is good if you know what kind of B-movie trash is to be found here before you give 90 MIN. of your life to it, and were intentionally seeking this type of entertainment. In fact, I'm sure this would be killer kewl to watch if I was a fifth or sixth grader, or possibly still a junior high schooler. If I were fourteen again, I'd probably be watching it with friends on the weekend, playing PlayStation or XBOX, eating pizza, and having a great time. Actually at thirty I still do this, but that's beside the point.

Bottom line I guess is: *Beware! Children at Play* sucks, sucks, sucks . . . and I bought it on VHS.

Oh my goodness! This movie puts any ending to any other movie to shame. It was slow at first, I admit it. But that ending just made everything worth it. What beats a bunch of rednecks killing a bunch of young children. "Beware Children At Play"? More like "Beware Rednecks With Deadly Weapons At Play"! Rock on! I love this movie.

When I was still in high school, my friend called me up and told me to rent this movie. I believe his exact words were, "You will want to kill yourself this movie is so bad... but the last five minutes make up for the suckiness of the entire movie up to that point." And he was right.

The Movie is TERRIBLE. You know those kinds of movies that are so bad that they're good, in a funny kind of way? Well, this one is like that, except it's so bad that it passes right by funny and is almost impossible to get through.

But then there's the last five minutes. I've never been so happy to see a lot of people die, and I was laughing my ass off the entire time. It should be noted, however, that I had been drinking as a way of coping with the movie thus far, and therefore, it is possible that my impressions of the ending were slightly skewed. But that did not stop me from recommending the movie to all my friends, if only to make them sit through what I had to sit through.

If you liked "In the woods" or the 1st version of "The hitchhiker's guide" then you should have a ball with this one. However, seeing as how I've never met anyone who actually DID like the 1st version of "the hitchhiker's guide"...

Mike Cribben's cult favourite Beware: Children at Play is one of the most demented films ever to be picked up by Troma. The film deserves praise for fearlessly breaking one of the last taboos in horror and most impressively, doing so in an entertaining manner. Beware: Children at Play really is a taste free zone. For that achievement alone, the film is an absolute must see.

Lloyd Kaufman's introduction to the film begins with an anecdote recounting how a preview for Beware: Children at Play successfully emptied a theatre at the Cannes film festival. I'm sure the reaction would have been one of rapturous applause if the audience had seen the film in its entirety, because within the context of the "plot", the slaughtering of the demon children really does provide great entertainment. I know that sounds abominable but when a film's plot revolves around wild cannibalistic children who believe they are characters from Beowulf, I would say that just about anything goes.

The film begins slowly and somewhat painfully due to the extended dialogues about "cleavages" (I didn't even know there was a plural form of the word) and supernatural phenomenon. Before too long, John has joined Ross in his search for a group of missing children. These children really need a visit from Super Nanny because they spend their time cutting people in half with sickles and impaling trespassers on wooden stakes. The fact that children are depicted eating body organs would be tasteless enough for most directors, but to Cribben's credit he raises the bar by throwing a rape scene and a handful of religious fanatics into the mix. The film momentarily goes astray while our incredibly stupid heroes go to the library and read Beowulf, in order to get into the mind of the ringleader, who believes he is the cannibalistic monster, Grendel.

Thankfully, Beware: Children at Play gets back on track for the infamous child killing marathon. This sequence is remarkable in its complete and utter shamelessness. Kiddies get decapitated, stabbed, shot and killed with pitchforks. It is all so very wrong but when presented in this context, with the campy production values and incredibly unrealistic effects, the scene comes across as a stroke of genius. However, I think the picture gallery of slaughtered children on the Troma DVD is a bit foul even by my degenerate standards. That said, I'm glad that Troma once again has the balls to put this kind of material out on the market.

Beware: Children at Play is definitely not for everyone. However, fans of Troma and tastelessness in general will have a grand old time watching this shocker. I give this film full marks for having the backbone to completely smash one of cinema's biggest taboos and for being entertaining while doing so.