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Body Bags is a horror anthology film that was intended as a pilot for a Tales from the Crypt knock-off TV series. Thankfully, that series never came to pass. Now it serves as a curiosity for fans of the two big directors attached, John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper. Both Carpenter and Hooper were past their primes by the time this film aired, though Carpenter had substantially more gas left in the tank than Hooper. Body Bags provides further proof of this fact. It features three stories; the first two directed by Carpenter, the last directed by Hooper.

Right from the start, the obvious attempt to mimic Tales from the Crypt is evident as we are greeted by a ghoulish-looking coroner who presents the film's stories. The coroner is played by John Carpenter himself, who tries his cackling best to emulate the Cryptkeeper from Tales. Carpenter's acting here is atrocious and it would come as no surprise to me if the TV execs who watched this pilot turned it off within minutes due to this opening.

"The Gas Station" is about a new attendant (Alex Datcher) on the night shift at a gas station who is stalked by a escaped killer. The second story, "Hair," is about a man (Stacy Keach) obsessed with his thinning hair. So obsessed he is willing to try an experimental treatment. It works too well, however, as his hair won't stop growing. The last story is called "Eye." It's about a baseball player (Mark Hamill) who loses his eye in a car accident. He's given a new eye in an experimental surgery and, you guessed it, the eye belonged to a murderer. And what's this? Now the killer's spirit is taking over his whole body and making him want to kill! This was such an original story....in the 1920s or '30s. The film ends but not before Carpenter does some more schtick as the coroner character, including a bad twist.

The first story is easily the best and has touches of classic Carpenter. The second story is passable despite the lame twist ending that is telegraphed early on. The third story is another derivative Hands of Orlac story. It was done many times before 1993 and at least a few times since. Hooper seems more concerned with shock scenes and gore than building any kind of suspense. Truly a mess. The movie's only merits are in the Carpenter segments. Good score, tense direction, fun cameos from the likes of Wes Craven. The best I can say about the Hooper segment is that Mark Hamill did a decent job. Overall, it's a mixed bag film that gets worse as it goes along.

Three stories courtesy of John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper, sounds like it can't miss, right? The results are mixed, but pretty interesting all the same.

The Gas Station is vintage Carpenter. Here he maximizes the effect from a truly simple premise and creates a genuinely scary story. It's simple, but the final minutes are riddled with tension and general uneasiness. The best of the bunch.

Hair is a truly funny story with a terrific performance by Stacy Keach. It goes way over the top towards the end, but still, it's highly amusing for the most part.

Eye, the weakest of the three, due to it's complete and utter predictability and complete failure of generating any real chills. It's fun to see Hamill and it's pretty gory but that's about it.

One terrific story, one pretty good and one pretty bad, all in all, it's worth watching but it's nothing spectacular.

Movie-buffs (and perhaps horror fanatics in particular) are strange and unpredictable beings, aren't they? Most of the time we're extremely skeptical and criticize ambitious new projects, yet sometimes we're easily pleased and highly enthusiast about something that is completely derivative, mundane and unoriginal. "Body Bags" is the perfect example to illustrate that: it's a horror omnibus existing of three incredibly prototypic segments and a repetitive type of wraparound story, yet I personally enjoyed it immensely. This is a good old-fashioned "sit back, relax and switch off all brain functions" type of anthology with a nice diversity in suspense, comedy, splatter and absurdity. Yet, the undeniable strongpoint of "Body Bags" is the all-star horror cast and crew, with legendary actors and even directors of the genre appearing in fun supportive roles and insignificant cameos. No less than John Carpenter directs two out of three stories and even stars as the host in the wraparound story. Clearly inspired by "Tales from the Crypt", Carpenter plays the witty and morbid morgue employee exactly like the infamous Crypt Keeper; though with still a little more flesh around the bones (though not too much). The first story was the most effective one! Regardless of how clichéd, repetitive and predictable "The Gas Station" is, it's a genuine horror entertainment. With the landmark "Halloween", Carpenter obviously proved he's the undeniable master of stalk-and-slash movies, and "The Gas Station" ideally fits the pattern. During her first night working in a remote gas station, Anne receives a visit from the maniacal killer who's been terrorizing the area since weeks. It's a highly segment with cool red herrings, dumb decisions, some good gore and a neatly uncanny atmosphere. The remaining two stories are slightly less overpowering, mainly because they revolve on sillier topics. "Hair" introduces an aging playboy who cannot accept his hairline becoming thinner. He desperately starts seeking for a hair-growing method that works and finds the incredibly treatment of the slightly odd Dr. Lock. Needless to say Richard's new hairdo begins to lead its own life with terrible consequences. "Hair" is obviously the most blackly comical chapter of the three. This story isn't gory or tense, but it's a very likable satire about vanity. Finally, "Eye" centers on a successful and happily married athlete who loses his eye in a tragic car accident. He spontaneously volunteers for a brand new and risky eye-transplant procedure and slowly begins to carry on with his life. Shortly after, he begins to suffer from horrific visions and learns the eye's previous owner was a sadistic serial killer. "Eye" starts off a little slow and dull, but gradually turns into an exciting and gruesome little shock-story. With a bit of imagination, you could even interpret this segment as some sort of predecessor for the more famous Asian ghost story "The Eye". Admittedly none of the stories are extraordinary brilliant or innovating, but they're definitely traditional and enthusiastically made. And, as said already, if you don't care about the actual stories, you can always yourself entertain by playing "spot-the-horror-star". "Body Bags" boosts an amazing cast including John Carpenter ("Halloween"), Tobe Hooper ("The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"), Sam Raimi ("The Evil Dead"), Roger Corman ("Pit and the Pendulum"), Wes Craven ("Nightmare on Elm Street"), Robert Carradine ("Orca"), David Naughton ("American Werewolf in London"), George Buck Flower ("The Fog"), Stacy Keach ("Mountain of the Cannibal God"), David Warner ("The Omen"), Mark Hamill ("Star Wars"), Twiggy ("The Doctor and the Devils"), Deborah Harry ("Videodrome") and Charles Napier ("Supervixens").

BODY BAGS is a lot of fun until the unrelentingly grim final segment directed by Tobe Hooper, which is the best thing Hooper has done since Texas CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2. The other two segments are directed by John Carpenter, who also appears as a Crypt-Keeper-like character, and demonstrates why he has spent most of his time behind the camera.

Overall, I like the movie very much. The first segment is good, but also the weakest of the three. It also feels oddly out of place, as the next two stories both deal with medical horror, while it is simply a 50's style slasher-on-the-loose yarn. Despite the slight subject matter (and a poor performance by Alex Datcher in the lead role), it's a solid chiller with some good scares. David Naughton, Robert Carradine and Peter Jason are all good in supporting roles, while fellow horror directors Sam Raimi and Wes Craven have creepy cameos.

The second segment is great, and, unlike the other two, is an out-out comedy. Stacey Keach turns in one of his very best performances as a middle-aged man who dreads the prospect of going bald, and decides to try out a new experimental technique developed by scientist David Warner. It leads up to a great finale that is as disturbing as it is funny. Singers Deborah Harry and Sheena Easton have supporting parts.

The final segment is the polar opposite of the second. As stated earlier, it's directed by Tobe Hooper, and he shows a sense of the macabre here that he hasn't displayed since his CHAINSAW/FUNHOUSE days. A veteran baseball player is in a car accident which results in his eye being poked out. A surgeon suggests an experimental eye transplant. Unfortunately, the donor eye belonged to a homicidal maniac, and Hammill begins having nightmarish hallucinations and bouts of uncontrollable rage. The climax of the segment is unbelievably cruel and grim, recalling Hooper's early work. It's a genuinely unsettling and horrific little flick. Twiggy, Charles Napier, as well as horror icons John Agar and Roger Corman appear.

Carpenter's antics as the narrator are uncomfortably flat, and things don't get any better when an irritating Tom Arnold and a clueless Hooper show up in cameo roles as well. Despite the weak wraparound, I recommend this anthology to horror fans, particularly fans of the two directors' work.

This was a pilot episode for a possible series on Showtime. Showtime wanted to spend less money on it, so the idea was aborted and John Carpenter continued to make feature films. All three episodes are packed with guest appearances and cameos by many great actors and horror directors. Performances in all of them are excellent and each episode has a different tone and style. The first is somewhat of a slasher. The second is a bizarre comedy with sci fi elements. Both of those were directed by John Carpenter. The third is the darkest and is directed by Tobe Hooper. Body Bags has a lot of actors that are very talented, but very underrated that normally don't get to do this type of stuff like Robert Carradine and Mark Hamill. Stacy Keach is always excellent as well and does great here. As far as I am concerned the Tales From The Crypt series on HBO is the best anthology horror there is. Body Bags would have made a good series and could have been able to compete with it if it could maintain this sort of quality. John Carpenter is the host of this show and has the right delivery and the right hair to keep up with The Cryptkeeper.