Le mal par le mal

The people who rag on BAND were probably the same who bought Don Johnson sport coats in the 80s and are now ashamed. You trendy-then now-pretentious fools, it's not supposed to be freakin' Shakespeare! BAND is a stylish 80s flick with plenty of heart, action and coolness. It's the ultimate fantasy for 15-year-olds. Five troubled 'yoots' are sent to an experimental last-chance program in the Everglades run by Joe, a mysterious Miccosukee Indian/Nam Era elite commando. (See? Already off to a good start)! Joes lays it down: learn to live in this wilderness or die. The 2nd half of the movie (and 'program') takes place in a Miami ghetto run by local drug lord LARRY Fishburne, replete with cute lil' lines buzzed in the sides of his high-top fade. (There's also an underaged Lauren Holly to consider, long before that drooling idiot Carey came and went).

War ensues in the hood as Joe trains the yoots to fight. Purists and prudes can shove it...when Dorcey's machine gun lights up the street from the roof of the feel-good 80s pastel renovated crackhouse it's a spinal moment. The characters don't have to be 'deep' cause they're all the way likable and automatic gold star for the guest appearance of a vulcan cannon (aka "that's a goddam minigun!") If you don't dig this flick, YOU'RE OUT OF MIAMI!

This is such a wonderfully dorky, cheesy movie. I have always liked it, and I've watched it many times. I love the clothes, the soundtrack, the hairstyles, everything. The story is pure crap, but I enjoy it nonetheless. Perhaps the best part of all is the actors who've achieved so much since then: a pre-Matrix Laurence Fishburne, a pre-Jim Carrey Lauren Holly, and best of all, a pre-Hedwig John Cameron Mitchell! Who could have imagined that cute little silent Crazy would grow into the singing, song writing victim of a botched sex-change operation? Not I. It just makes Band of the Hand more fun. And was there ever a cooler Indian than Joe? I think not. My siblings and I giggle like mad whenever he appears on screen.

"Band of the Hand" has no trouble standing on its own; it's jammed with plot, the cast is colorful, and the very notion of using society's rejects to clean up the streets somehow fits right in with the time. That sort of DIY community- outreach angle mixed with coming-of-age urban drama . . . and "Lord of the Flies"? How the hell do you pull that off? I enjoyed this because it does pull it off, and you'd be surprised at how well that's done. Also, that's one hell of a soundtrack.

But the best way I can describe this movie is "Miami Vice-adjacent", which suits me perfectly. This has the feeling of an episode from the show's first couple of seasons. Most of the cast are carry-overs from the series (as well as the filmmakers), and it captures the gritty style, whether you're sweating to death in the 'glades or staying alive on the neon streets. All of it's seedy, and none of it's especially light - even though we're talking about a teen movie. In its own way, this is a treasure.

7/10

Trashy, brainless, and oh-so-80s action melodrama stars Stephen Lang ("Avatar", "Don't Breathe") as Joe, an American Indian & Vietnam veteran who runs a program to reform troubled youth. Five punks - Ruben (Michael Carmine), J.L. (John Cameron Mitchell), Carlos (Danny Quinn), Moss (Leon), and Dorcey (Al Shannon) - are dragged out to the Everglades and deposited there, where Joe teaches them survival instincts and teamwork. Once back in Miami, the gang is *somewhat* more mature, and they go up against vicious drug runners including Cream (Laurence Fishburne) and Nestor (James Remar).

To be honest, "Band of the Hand" is a hard slog for a while, since it's hard to give a damn about our protagonists for an extended amount of time. (This IS an overlong movie.) But things improve as "Band of the Hand" progresses, and debuting feature director Paul Michael "Starsky" Glaser gives this production a certain amusing amount of 80s excess. It bears the mark of its executive producer, 'Miami Vice' creator Michael Mann. It's noisy, it's silly, it's violent in a sometimes cartoonish way, and it's got a hip soundtrack. The centerpiece of said soundtrack is a priceless, catchy rock ditty written and sung by Bob Dylan, with Tom Petty's band The Heartbreakers backing him up.

The acting suits the material. Top billed Lang is fine in a low key portrayal. The young cast is lively, with a cute Lauren Holly playing Carlos' love interest. Remar is okay as our primary villain, and other familiar character actors like Paul Calderon, Bill Smitrovich, Michael Gregory, and an unbilled Martin Ferrero all turn up as well.

This is a decent, fun movie overall, even if the script ain't so hot. As was said before, it goes on a bit too long, but for the most part, it's *not* boring.

Seven out of 10.

I remember when this movie came out. Seeing the music video on MTV of Bob Dylan singing away about the street life made me incredibly excited. I pictured a movie that would be like THE WARRIORS -- all gang fights, sexy chicks, and endless pounding rock music.

Years later, I rented the film, and it was really like that -- for about two minutes during the opening credits. After that it becomes almost a Saturday Night Live sketch of a comedy, showing Eighties teens with silly hair dragging their sorry behinds through the swamp whining like toddlers while a stereotypical Indian brave keeps grunting stuff like "Teamwork!" and "Survive!" A CLOCKWORK ORANGE this ain't, folks. It's more like ANGELS WITH DIRTY FACES, mixed with THE BREAKFAST CLUB, mixed with LORD OF THE FLIES.

The film makers apparently couldn't decide what they were going for. The teen angst clashes with the gun battles, and the adult level crimes (including a creepy Harvey Weinstein style rape) just get shrugged off in a hail of bullets. The Indian is supposed to be the hero they all look up to, but he's never more than a cardboard cutout of stoic Injun virtue. He's really Injun Joe from TOM SAWYER, only played as a good guy.

They even work a spin on the famous scene of Tom getting all his old buddies to take turns painting the fence!