Kill Squad

If one was to try and make a list of all the implausibilities and flaws in this movie, he would need much more than a thousand words. From its crummy-looking cinematography (the sky looks mostly yellow) to its supremely silly plot (that is just an excuse to get from one kung-fu scene to another in as little time as possible), this flick is bad. But...it's enjoyably bad. It is intended for bad-movie lovers ONLY, and only if you belong in that category should you take my ** rating seriously.

Well, one things for sure, they certainly don't make 'em like this anymore!

This is a joyously carefree kung-fu fest from an all but forgotten era when martial arts films didn't actually take themselves so deadly serious as the stoic, wire fu/fast edited ordure that represents a large portion of the industry these days.

OK, so the transpiring on screen events in this are formulaic at best i.e. good guys seek out bad guy for questioning, bad guy denies any knowledge of requisite info, bad guys mates turn up (often brandishing iron pipes etc) and a fight ensues after which a mysterious sniper in black (whose identity I guessed straight away!!!) wastes one of the heroes, but frankly who gives a shi- um....damn, when this is just so much fun! Just check out such scenes as one guy accidentally blowing a bloody great hole in his own foot(!), another guy getting pushed off of what must have been an eight story building, landing on a car and immediately getting back up for a fight without a scratch(!!), a kid riding his bike into the side of a car and flying over the back of it onto the ground......and his subsequent priceless response? - 'Oh sh*t!' (!!!), plus a plethora of highly amusing kung fu fights that break out literally every few minutes(!!!!!). I mean seriously, how can anyone not love this movie?!

But if the above wasn't enough, just check out the groovy soundtrack that backs all this action up - hell it's enough to make me want to don camouflage togs, get some buddies together and kick some miscreant butt!

I've also just got to add (and no serious review of this movie would be complete without) mention of the utterly hilarious manner in which each of our protagonists are introduced and subsequently recalled into the squad. Suffice to say, it just has to be seen to be believed!

Finally, to all those who view this film and indeed others of it's ilk negatively I have but one thing to say.....which would you rather sit through; this innocent, nostalgic knock about or else the latest CGI saturated, big screen faecal pile to emerge from Hollywood? If you've just answered the latter then truly, I pity you.

One of those 80's low budget B-movies I remember watching on VHS back in its glory days. All the cast are unknown except for Cameron Mitchell. A lot of the scenes in this hilariously bad American karate-fu flick make you howl, here are a few I have spotted:

1. Whenever the fighting kicks in, jazzy background music starts playing.

2. The blows and kicks all have "whack" and "yap" sounds like those heard in badly dubbed kung fu films.

3. There is one scene when one of the kill squad members is pushed by two goons from the roof of a four-storey building and falls dead on top of a parked car. When the goons reach said car to get rid of the body, it is missing. The man (who is supposed to be dead) suddenly appears unscathed and says "Looking for me?"

4. In every scene where one or more of the kill squad members get into trouble, the random people they meet seem to have an appetite for destruction, even the women. Everybody in this film is kung fu fighting!

5. The film climax has an utterly ridiculous twist!

6. During the final fight when the mysterious bad guy's face is revealed, his face is shown black and blue and three of his teeth are impressed on his lips without any rhyme or reason. The problem is that these are done by bad make-up!

7. The one-liners and dialogues are equally bad. In one scene:

Joseph: I realize the police are not going to help. We gonna have to take these matters into our own hands. Assemble the squad.

Larry (Joseph's Vietnam War buddy, chuckling): Alright, now you're talking Joe… They owe you, I owe you. Hell, we all owe you!

And in every scene when each of the kill squad members is being summoned, this line is repeated: "Joseph needs you!"

If you need a good laugh, KILL SQUAD comes recommended to relieve your stress!

Don't ya just love it when people insist on their names being part of their film's title, even if their names aren't going to mean much outside of their immediate friends and family. Thus, in the tradition of Bart La Rue's Satanwar, Krishna Shah's Rivals, and Peter Kay's Sexy Secrets of the Kiss-o-gram Girls, we here have "Patrick G. Donahue's Kill Squad".

While he isn't exactly the household name that his title billing might imply, Donahue has had a steady career directing low-budget action movies, mostly starring himself and his son. The most well known of the bunch being 1991's Savage Instinct, released by Troma as 'They Call Me Macho Woman'. A film in which the heroine escapes from the bad guys by walking along the tops of their heads, then proceeds to taunt them by grabbing her own crotch....and if that doesn't entice you into seeing 'They Call Me Macho Woman' nothing will.

Beginning as he clearly meant to go on, Donahue's first film Kill Squad is a simplistic, eager to please action-fest that I'm surprised isn't the sweetheart of more 1980s action movie fans.

The bare bones plot of Kill Squad concerns Joseph Lawrence (Jeff Risk) a former Vietnam veteran turned successful electronics businessman. Lawrence's life is turned on its head when a bunch of goons led by his business rival Dutch (Cameron Mitchell) breaks into his house, gang rapes and murders his wife, then shoots Lawrence, leaving him paralysed. Now wheelchair bound, a grief stricken Joseph Lawrence has revenge on his mind, and calls on his Nam vet buddies to form 'The Kill Squad'. A bunch of vigilantes who have to fight literally hundreds of bad guys in order to get to Mitchell's final villain. Each member of this tough guy supergroup gets their own thumbnail sized intro, which quickly establishes what they've been up to since Nam, and the fact that they don't take sh** from anyone. Tommy (Gary Fung) has been working as a gardener for a racist scumbag who refuses to pay him and calls him a 'nip' at a pool party. Tommy responds by beating the bejesus out of him and several of his men, easily ensuring a cheque for garden services rendered. K.C. (Jerry Johnson) has grown up to become a badass pimp whose martial arts moves and streetwise quips come in handy when a rival pimp tries to muscle in on his territory. Donahue was a man who clearly wasn't about to let the Kung-Fu and Blaxploitation genres die off without a fight. All of these sequences end with the other guys showing up, hi-fiving their bro, and recruiting them into The Kill Squad with the film's catchphrase "Joseph needs you".

Kill Squad plays like a live-action version of an arcade game we all should have been dropping coins into back then. Characters are only distinguishable by their weaponry and ethnicity. It feels as if there should be an option to play as either Tommy, the Oriental guy (special weapon: fighting sticks), Larry, the Afro-ed black guy (special weapon: ninja stars), Alan, the muscular white guy (special weapon: a pair of nunchaku), Pete, the Mexican guy (special weapon: two pairs of nunchaku), K.C, the black pimp (special weapons: switchblade + jive talk) or Arthur, the Jewish guy aka the one with the Bruce Lee T-Shirt (special weapon: the sword). True to the arcade game format, these characters battle their way through various backdrops (the junkyard, the used car lot, the construction site) before moving on to the next level.

The average scene in the film involves the Kill Squad shaking down some poor S.O.B for information as to Cameron Mitchell's whereabouts, only for the guy's work buddies to come to his aid, necessitating that the Kill Squad kick all their asses. The poor S.O.B eventually reveals he knows another poor S.O.B who 'might' have a clue to Cameron Mitchell's whereabouts. At which point BOOM!!! a mysterious sniper takes out the snitch and one of the Kill Squad. After mourning their fallen comrade for all of about 5 seconds, the Kill Squad rush off to shake down the next poor S.O.B for information as to Cameron Mitchell's whereabouts, only for the guy's work buddies to come to his aid...and exactly the same thing happens as in the previous scene. No matter what their occupation or walks of life- hardhats, car salesmen, lawyers, scrap metal workers, party guests- everyone in this film appears to be an accomplished martial artist who wants to take on the Kill Squad. In fact if this film is to be believed, the only person on the face of the planet who doesn't know martial arts is Cameron Mitchell.

Straight to video in the UK, Kill Squad was released on tape by Mike Lee's blood and guts fuelled Vipco label. While Lee did sporadically dabble in financing movies himself, having put up the money for Andy Milligan's Carnage (1983), Spookies (1986) and the car crash compilation video 'Britain's Women Drivers' in 1995, Vipco's involvement in Kill Squad appears to be purely as an after-the-fact video distributor. The 'Michael D. Lee' credited as the producer of the film being unlikely to be the Vipco Mike Lee, whose middle name is Anthony. Still, Kill Squad is a film that is perfectly at home amidst the Vipco brand of entertainment. Gore, Kung-Fu, car chases and racial insults fly around the screen. Filler and boredom are dirty words within the cinema of Patrick G. Donahue. It is difficult not to be won over by a filmmaker so singularly hell-bent on giving you an action packed good time...maybe this guy earned the right to have his name above the title after all.

Whoever did put up the money for Kill Squad, bought themselves a few scenes worth of Cameron Mitchell chewing the scenery, a cast of real life martial arts experts putting in passable acting performances, countless onscreen brawls, a paper thin script, some spectacular vehicular destruction, and the occasion pair of bare breasts. In other words...money well spent.

My review was written in June 1982 after a Times Square screening: "Kiil Squad" is a very low-budget action picture which should do okay with fans of chopsocky films, even though it features a more down to earth U. S. brand of martial arts (as opposed to the wacky, trampoline-assisted Hong Kong versions currently prevalent).

Filmmaker Patrick G. Donahue has opted for a format consisting of numerous quick fight scenes, strung together by a minimal plotline. Unconvincing story has a squad of Vietnam vets rounded up to go after Dutch (guest actor Cameron Mitchell in yet another slumming role) after he has paralyzed the squad's commander in a night raid on his house linked to an attempt to takeover his electronics busine--= With very flat acting by a cast chosen for fighting prowess alone, episodic structure quickly becomes silly, as each of the six-man squad is seen fighting some baddies before our recruiter arrives and says "Joseph needs you", cuing a typical "Let's go" response. Once the sexter is finally in place, each one shows off his weapons prowess for the camera.

Ensuing manhunt is played mainly straight and dull, with the twist of an unknown black-masked sniper picking off our heroes one by one at five minute intervals about half way through the picture. Final twist of who the sniper is getsspoiled by lapses in logic along the way.

Martial arts scenes are unexciting here, though sheer quantity may please undemanding fans. Pic's best sequence comes in some hair-raising car stunts staged during a chase near the end. Tech credits are acceptable for a cheapie, though sound is quite variable.