Frankenstein Island

I read the reviews. I said to myself, "Well, this could not possibly be as bad as all that." Well, it is. It starts right away. The patterns on the balloons keep changing from shot to shot in the credits. And there are many of them talking on the radio. What happened to the other folks with radios? Did they not call for a rescue ship? Nobody knows... It never comes up in the movie.

Then these four goofs come on shore and one is still holding a raft in his hand and it talking about having to build a raft. Why? At that point they just arrived and have not searched around the island and already have a fully inflated rubber raft.

And they immediately ask "How will we get over these bluffs?" Why do they need to. Wait for the pickup from the people who are coming to get you. No mention of that. Seems like the opening credits and radio chatter is from a different movie.

Well, it goes from there off onto several different plot threads. They intersect from time to time, minimally. And there is that laughing fool. He even laughs while he is drinking his moonshine. Quite a talent. And what is he laughing at so much? That spinning, pink ammo box is just too much! And the confusion of plots (snakes, tarantulas, machine guns, trident that turns women into vampires, a brain without a head running everything, John Carradine speaking gibberish) continues until, thankfully, this movie is done.

My great thanks to the director for not making the movie ANY LONGER! And you won't believe the ending. I guess it is an ending. Or they just ran out of film. Not fulfilling at all.

When watching this film I asked two questions...

1. WHY IS THING LIKE A BAD 50'S HORROR FLICK?

2. WAS THIS A TAX WRITE OFF?

But when ya come down to it..it's so bad it's funny!

"Ballonists" crash land on a island no one has "charted" which is inhabited by Lepoard Skin Bikinnied women called Amazons!

If that wasn't bad enough the Practice "witchcraft", aka dancing with fake snakes, and jiggling their bodies alot, lol!

Then..they run into crazed guy left from a crashed sailing ship...who offer them a chance to go to "the house" after a cusomary groping of the Lepoard Skin Bikinnied women called Amazons!

Soon thereafter the "Ballonists" are taken to an OBVIOUSLY fake jail facility whre they meet Jayson- a crazed sailor who has been imprisoned for 17 years and spouts alot of Poe for no reason.

Soon the "Ballonists" meet Mrs. Frankenstein! She explains to them that the assistant to Doc Frankie is still alive after 200 years due to some osrt of "blood transufions" from the Lepoard Skin Bikinnied women called Amazons and Jayson.

One of the "Ballonists" is a scientist(Of course) and gets wrapped up in helping Mrs. Frankenstein and the 1/2 alive assistant to Doc Frankie as the floating head of Doc Frankenstein, promisng the Lepoard Skin Bikinnied women called Amazons, "The power!! The power!!'

Of course, for no reason, they are also making "mutants"(Guy in caps with sunglasses, that seem to be "gump-like")

I won't give the ending away, you'll just have to watch this sucker!!

It plays like an Ed Wood movie, and would have belived it was one, except for the fact he died in 1978!

Rent it, you won't be disappointed!!

With other bad films the novelty wears off fast. Not this time. True the budget is low, but not so low that new crazy elements can't be sprung on the viewer in every scene. Some of the props are not impressive. For example a barely-altered plastic devil fork (used as a magic wand?) and department store mannequins (experimented on?). Don't be deterred though, the sets and costumes are all fun and the plot moves fast.

John Carradine is in this movie less than any top-billed star has been in any movie. You will see that he was no doubt not on the same set. In fact, you will see his performance does not even demand that he be on any set.

The very end is so cheap that it will make you mad. Still, this movie pleased me and I laughed a lot.

Briefly speaking, nothing in this movie makes any sense at all, either on the level of overall plot or of individual scenes or even lines. This would have to be one of the most relentlessly stupid movies ever made. As soon as it looks like something is remotely intelligible, the actors and director seem to do their utmost to bring in yet another non sequitur.

The dialogue seems to have been written by someone who's never actually heard a conversation between people before, and acted by people who've never participated in one.

However, it's extremely amusing. This is an extraordinarily bad movie, but that's not because it's boring. The pink lunchbox, the contact lenses with white-out on them, the rubber skulls, the guy who keeps laughing constantly for no reason, the suburban living room in the middle of the deserted island, the power that attacks your arm when you "mix the particular place, not here but on the outside" (that is, say the name of a city)... champagne cinema.

You could do much worse than track a copy down - but beware - some video copies have the goofiest scenes edited out!

Director Jerry Warren's final film, FRANKENSTEIN ISLAND is his ultimate lead pipe to our brains! Opening with hot air balloons talking to each other, we know we're in Warren territory right away.

The four-man crew of one of the balloons, which apparently crashed into the ocean at some point off camera, arrives at the titular landmass, only to be captured by native women in matching leopard skin bikinis and flip-flops. Obviously, these wild women must dance -horribly- to a crazy bongo beat!

Then, after a brief interruption, it's smoking time! Out of skull bongs! Several severely annoying, idiot characters -especially that cackling guy!- are introduced, and many nonsensical events occur. This somehow leads to our heroes meeting Cameron Mitchell, playing the worst role of his career! He rambles. He murmurs. He blathers about nothing at all.

Enter the be-wigged Sheila Frankenstein Von Helsing (Katherine Victor), and on and on it goes.

This "film" is a true test of will for any viewer. Most won't survive its mind-evaporating effects! Warren's ability to induce coma is at its apex here. Absolutely nothing makes sense, and nothing really happens!

Wha...? More dancing?! Good lord!

Once the disembodied John Carradine appears, spouting, "The power! The power!! The power!!!", we know we're in hell! Good luck with this one my friends, but beware the spinning, pink bullet box of infinite terror!

Mr. Warren, your vengeance is complete!

P. S.- The finale features the bikini women vs. Zombies vs. A hand-waving, grumbling Frankenstein's monster in earth shoes! Plus, Benji the wonder dog, plastic fangs, and halfhearted karate! It's almost worth the wait.

Almost...