Warrior of the Lost World

A "Star Wars"-style word scroll informs us that the nuclear war has been fought, leaving the Earth a post-apocalyptic wasteland, but the world we see in the movie isn't very wastelandy at all, what with all the scenic country roads and large office complexes. We meet "The Warrior" (Robert Ginty), a completely average and fairly loathsome guy who crashes his "Supersonic Speed Cycle" into a very obvious and easily avoidable wall. This convinces some fey, robe-clad elderly types that he is some sort of chosen one, so Fred "Hammer" Williamson and Persis "Star Trek" Kambata (with hair) enlist him to help save her Jimmy Carter-like father from the vaguely evil Prossor (enduring fav Donald Pleasance, great as always). What evil things Prossor is up to are unclear, although they involve lots of Nazi-looking guards who turn into dummies when they fall off of buildings. Plus he employs lots of leather-clad S&M dancers who stretch and gyrate all over each other, which doesn't seem very evil at all to me.

Anyhoo, despite his constant whining and lack of any discernible skills, The Warrior succeeds in saving Carter, only to leave Persis behind for no reason other than him being a total jerk. He and Carter go to a fight in the desert that looks like the one from the beginning of "Any Which Way You Can", save for the monkey pooping in squad cars. After fighting a bunch of random characters (ninjas, amazons, truckers, a lumberjack dwarf, a Divine look-a-like) he gets them all to unite to take on Prossor, who employs "Megaweapon" to demolish them. Megaweapon is a giant truck modified to spurt flames out it's front and- that's about it. It's really slow and clunky and easy to avoid, but it does manage to crush Warrior's incredibly annoying bike (which, I failed to mention, talks. In a Valley Girl voice. Ick.). Megaweapon easily out-acts the unintelligible Ginty.

Some other stuff happens and they rescue Persis, following which Mr. Warrior lays a big, wet, long, nauseating kiss on her, rubbing his livery lips and stubbly beard all over her entire face for several excruciating minutes. She seems to enjoy it, even though he's a twit who left her behind to die at Prossor's hands. Oh, and there's a plot twist that fails to make any sense or have any impact on the story, but at least they put forth the effort to have a twist.

I recommend this movie to any one who gets emotionally erect over explosions. There are lots of things blowing up, sometimes in luxurious slow motion. Sometimes we get to see the same explosion from many angles. It's pyro-porno.

This film comes to us from Italy, though a lot of the stars and the director are from the United States. I saw this film courtesy Mystery Science Theateer 3000 and it was something a bit different. Kind of an Italian take on the Mad Max films, but not very good. From what I have heard from interviews with the director who is a very cool guy who actually responds when you write him, he basically had to craft a movie with almost a nonexistent script and with more of just an idea. He also said that they were going to do a sequel and if they had, Donald Pleasence would be back and he was going to be ticked! The story is the main problem with this one as is the lack of budget. Also, they really should have went the route a lot of other Italian films and went into overdrive with things like gore, over the top action and some nudity! Instead, it plays out more like a direct to video film that seemed like it wanted to be a seriously weak version of Mad Max.

The story has a man riding his super motorcycle that has a very annoying voice (yes, it talks) through the very green wasteland. Yeah, Mad Max works because the desert scenery makes it look like a desolate wasteland. Here, it could not look nicer with lush trees all over the place. Well, first this rider runs afoul of this strange police force before then getting attacked by random dudes. Mad Max would have killed most of them and gotten their gas, rider simply drives around and takes bullets and arrows before crashing into a wall. He is then healed by these monk type people who have the ability to use light to heal and just forget about them as you won't see them anymore until the end as the rider meets a girl and they are soon trying to infiltrate the bad guy's place and then the guy is deserting the girl and then a scene where they are riding down the road and having an action scene fighting a garbage truck and soon everyone is happy though one guy who could have killed everyone and ruined all the plans is found out to be bad and the girl and rider mysteriously fall in love even though the film never had an area where they could find the time to get together and fall in love, they pretty much hated each other and then the rider deserted her!

This made for a very funny episode of MST3K as they had some great jokes. They also kept referring to Robert Ginty as the Paper Chase guy, in reference to the fact he was on that show. However, I thought they overdid that joke as Paper Chase was not exactly a well known show. It lasted maybe two seasons and I do not even think Ginty was a main player in it, I had never heard of the show before this episode. For the most part the jokes were great as I enjoyed watching that motorcycle get crushed also!

So this film was not all that good. It was kind of all over the place as it tried to be Mad Max, but failed miserably. They just had too many things that did not fit the Mad Max formula. They had car chases and a few vehicles and characters that one could sort of see in a Mad Max film, but then they had the greenery and nice landscape that did not work. The strange monk people that had healing abilities also did not fit. In the end just kind of a mess of a film and one of the reasons that you should have a complete script rather than just try to throw a movie together with a few ideas.

The Paper Chase Guy along with his talking bike with graphics straight outta Pong ride around in the apocalypse and meet the Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture! A bunch of stuff happens and the two end up saving the Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture's father, aka Jimmy Carter, from the bad guys dressed like Nazis. Whoops, while they may have saved Jimmy Carter, the Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture got left behind! Now she's being held captive by the evil Donald Plesence. A bunch of other stuff happens that isn't relevant at all to the plot. In the end The Bald Lady from Star Trek the Motion Picture was saved and she and the Paper Chase Guy KISS in the most disgusting scene you have ever seen in your life!! And that damn bike with the Pong graphics came back to life too.

Ok, so this movie doesn't exactly have the greatest acting, special effects, or even a PLOT ... BUT if has one thing no other movie has! The one and only MEGAWEAPON!! It's worth it to sit through all the horrors of the movie just to see the glorious Megaweapon!!

Megaweapon is this magical being who attempted to destroy the Paper Chase Guy! Megaweapon even SQUISHED the evil bike with Pong graphics ... but recall how I mentioned it came back to life, hmph. Then the Paper Chase Guy had to go and destroy the wondrous Megaweapon! Oh the horror! Never fear, Megaweapon has the power of repairing himself!!! It's part of the magic that IS Megaweapon!!

Watch this movie for no reason other than Megaweapon, and laugh at all the scenes without Megaweapon.

Elegantly, wonderfully, deliciously bad. The only way to truly appreciate this cinematic train wreck is to watch the MST3K version (less than a minute into the opening credits, Tom Servo asks, "Is it too late to kill myself?") Robert Ginty mumbles and grumbles his "dialog", Donald Pleasance reprises his many roles as the androgenous bad-ass, and a supporting cast of extras resembling Jimmy Carter, Saddam, Bluto, and Mimi keep things moving. One of the many films that makes an inexact science of ballistics -- no one with a gun can manage to even nick another character with a shot, even at point-blank range. Worth seeing, if only to watch in sadistic delight as "Megaweapon" runs over Einstein, the squeaky-voiced, talking motorcycle.

When i bought this movie's DVD, I didn't know it was from Italy. After I saw that all the vehicles used throughout are Italian, I learned it. Though it does not respect the initial promises - the landscapes and overall atmosphere are pretty good and live to be post-apocalyptic - it has it very high points: some good fighting scenes, a great soundtrack, very nice sound effects (though not used very well, like in the firing guns) and nice landscapes. And Donald Pleasence makes a great acting job as the Omega leader. Not to mention this movie's platinum items: the speaking hit tech motorbike (i didn't listen to the English voice, but its Italian version is really bad) with its onboard computer. And obviously the great, awesome Megaweapon!!!!

Though this movie is not an epic masterpiece, it has its good points and therefore demands to be watched, since it still remains a very nice Italian Sci-Fi movie. Get it :)