Teen Lust

Cult Asian film figure James Hong should be celebrated for his many diverse acting roles spanning several decades, and certainly NOT for directing this terrible "sex comedy". The only thing more non-existent than his "direction" is the film's script - in fact, IMDb does not even list a screenwriter, and neither does my VHS copy or cover! There are no laughs in this "comedy", unless you consider attempted rape, mental retardation, an incestuous father, an alcoholic mother, etc. the height of hilarity. The very brief flashes of nudity don't even come close to making "Police Girls Academy" (the - misleading - title of my copy) worth sitting through - it's truly one of the most unredeemable films I've seen in the last few months. A rare 0 out of 4 stars.

I've seen bad 70 and 80's films but this one has to top the list. Despite the cuteness of the female lead Baker, the rest of the film's acting and direction is one huge jumbled mess that has no cohesion. From the creepy father to the bad camera angles and cuts, the film should have been cut down to even less time so we aren't waisting our time.

This is a pretty shocking attempt by famed Asian actor James Hong. I really think he should just stick to what he does best, acting, and not tackle more directing jobs (if he has done more, I will pass on seeing them). Like having Lucas stick to producing and writing and not directing ... they just suck at it.

This movie has appeared under a dizzying array of alternative titles ("Police Academy Girls", "Teen Lust", "The Girl Next Door") all in an effort to tie it to bigger-budget and more popular sex comedies like "Porkie's or "Police Academy". In fact, this is a rather tame sex comedy made by a lot of the same people involved in "Gas Pump Girls". But where that movie was about a bunch of sexy, recent high-school graduates trying to show up their chauvinist boyfriends and skeptical parents by running a gas station, THIS movie is about a group of sexy, recent high-school graduates trying to show up their chauvinist boyfriends and skeptical parents by becoming ride-along police cadets. So will they have lots of zany adventures? Will they take their tops (and sometimes their bottoms) off? Will they ultimately succeed while finding true love? And will a bear, totally left to his own devices, really defecate in the woods?

The main, nay, the only reason to see this movie is Kirstin Baker. Who's Kirstin Baker, you ask? Well, she was the first camp counselor to decide to go for a naked moonlight swim in Camp Crystal Lake in "Friday the 13th Part II" (thus injecting some much needed full-frontal nudity into the franchise). To give you an idea of her main appeal, she is introduced in THAT movie with a close-up of her impossibly tight and impossibly short "short-shorts" as she walks away from the camera. That's also the main appeal of pretty much all the girls in THIS movie--they all "dare wear" (and sometimes not wear) "short-shorts", or go topless for extended periods. As in "Gas Pump Girls" Baker's nude scenes are actually pretty tame and brief compared to her fellow actresses, no doubt because(hard as it may be to believe for someone who has seen "Friday the 13th II")she was by far the most talented actress of the lot.

Naturally this movie is not as good as "Friday" (although it's better than "Gas Pump Girls"), partly because there's not nearly enough of Kirstin Baker on display, but mostly because Jason isn't around to kill off the rest of these insufferable, idiot characters.

I'm too astonished to find out how James Hong, notable in several motion pictures and TV shows, would direct terrible movies like TEEN LUST, only one of the four he did. For the first ten minutes, you will be turned on. For the last 80, you will turn this off. I've just seen better exploitation comedy classics recently like GAS PUMP GIRLS (which has Kirsten Baker) and LUNCH WAGON. This one doesn't even attempt to be fun at all, and it obviously was made at a budget of 25 cents. Bambi's nose all bandaged up on her birthday was the only best part. There is, amazingly, a music track in the film that later became known as the theme song for THE PEOPLE'S COURT, seeming like TV producers can borrow anything for success. Check this out if that nice curvacious babe in a pair of white shorts interests you.

TEEN LUST is a lighthearted sexploitation comedy. Before Porky's, before Meatballs, you've got TEEN LUST -- as low budget as they come. If you're in the mood for sexy babes, lust-driven lads, oddballs and geeks, and not to forget unscrupulous cops, then TEEN LUST is the right one for you. I'm a big fan of Kirsten Baker. I've tried to collect all of her films, and in TEEN LUST as a lead role she's great. Also Perry Lang's a fine actor (films like Spring Break and The Hearse) and he does a good job. Some of the best scenes involve a mentally challenged character. You've just got to see it. This is one that gets better and better the more times you watch it. 7 out of 10