Satan's Cheerleaders

It's been a long time since I laughed so hard while watching a movie. The first thirty minutes are unbearable (boring teenagers fooling around on the beach) but then it gets interesting. The janitor of the high school is so frustrated with the unruly kids that he joins some Satanists. What's more, he lusts after a girl who could well be his granddaughter, and he expects that his new affiliation opens new perspectives in that field.

The janitor has to drive the cheerleaders and their coach to a road game. Of course, he takes the wrong road leading to a kind of an open air altar in the undergrowth. His attempt to „freeze" his passengers and then get at the cheerleader who is the object of his lust fails miserably. The cheerleaders escape, leaving the janitor for dead. They ask a bum for directions and end up in the house of the nearest country sheriff and his wife. Little do they know ...

I always suspect that this kind of American movie has the purpose to assuage a natural hunger for myths and fairy tales of which the USA has not its own „national treasure" like more ancient nations. As a matter of fact, Satan's Cheerleaders is structured like a traditional fairy story. The cheerleaders are Red Riding Hood, the Satanists are the Big Bad Wolf. It's clearly a conflict between old and young. The old actually get a pretty rough deal here whereas the young come through as pretty – and above all: clean – yet bland, uninspired and with an utter lack of any imagination. Interesting is the cheerleader's coach, an infantile, good hearted, innocent and disarmingly helpless woman who in a weird way represents eternal youth. It is actually quite a well played and interesting part.

The old actors rule supreme. This is probably not surprising as they are experienced pros with distinguished careers. The longer I watch movies the more I admire those actors like John Carradine (who plays the bum) who are not choosy about the parts they accept and deliver a good performance whatever the circumstances. Yvonne de Carlo gets the most laughs. The teenagers make her desperate and she starts praying to Satan for their annihilation. The prayer she repeats all over starts with „howdy" – so at least I know now how to address the devil, should the occasion arise.

The sheriff's two dogs are a major asset (there is also the cameo of a goat without consequence). They are called Diablo and Lucifer and should be fierce, but they are not. The biggest convulsions I had to suffer from came as Yvonne de Carlo runs up to them, unexpectedly leans forward and gasps „kill". The nearest dog instinctively draws his head back, disapprovingly raising an eyebrow. A cartoonist couldn't have done it better!

I suppose Satan's cheerleaders will never make it into the Library of Congress. But maybe it should.

This rather strange film begins with an oversexed cheerleading squad in the process of rehearsing their cheers on a beach for an upcoming football game. Fortunately for them, as vapid as they may be, their cheerleading coach "Ms. Johnson" (Jacqulin Cole) is even more clueless, and as a result, they pretty much get to make out with the boys from the football team whenever they like. This changes, however, when they continue to disparage the local janitor "Billy Brooks" (Jack Kruschen) who not only places a satanic curse upon them but goes as far as to drive them to an altar where he attempts to rape one of the cheerleaders by the name of "Patti" (Kerry Sherman). What he doesn't realize is that Satan has other plans in mind and has no intention of allowing this to happen. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this was an interesting attempt to merge two popular sub-genres into one--a satanic horror film with that of a typical cheerleader sexploitation picture. Or maybe it's the other way around. Regardless, it doesn't work out that well, but even so, it was mainly cheap fodder for the drive-in circuit, so it didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things anyway. Be that as it may, it was difficult for me to decide whether this film should be classified as a comedy or a horror film, as there were elements of both to a certain degree. What is not indisputable is the fact that this was a low-budget production which suffered from bad acting and a very poor script which not even veteran actors like David Carradine (as "The Bum"), John Ireland ("The Sheriff"), or Yvonne De Carlo ("Emmy") could salvage. In short, it was not a good film by any means, but having said that, it might appeal to those looking for a campy and nostalgic offering of this sort.

With all the movies that came out in the 70's about satanic cults and sexy cheerleaders it was almost inevitable that someone would make a satanic cheerleader movie. It's only surprising that it took so long. This movie starts out as typical cheerleader sexploitation. It's tamer than most (I think it was originally rated "PG"!) with only brief snatches of nudity in an unusually circumspect shower scene and a lot of up-the-skirt camera shots. It certainly doesn't hold a candle to some of the earlier cheerleader films (which border on softcore porn), but it does have the usual atrocious acting, groan-inducing jokes and sexual double-entendres, and godawful 70's music.

It would be a waste-of-time T and A film (with precious little T or A)if not for an interesting turn halfway through where the cheerleaders'bus breaks down on the way to a game and they have a run-in with a small-town satanic cult(lead by b-movie luminaries like John Ireland,Yvonne DeCarlo, and John Carradine). Hilariously, the cult is looking for an "unsullied maiden" to sacrifice to Satan (if they'd seen one of these cheerleader movies they'd definitely look somewhere else). This satanic subplot is not the least bit scary, but it is enjoyably cheesy and the jokes start to hit more than miss. "They're all of them witches!" one especially dumb cheerleader says, making an unintentional allusion to the granddaddy of all devil movies, "Rosemary's Baby". Another girl is quite indignant that the cult wants to use her as a virgin sacrifice: "I'm no maiden--I've been a cheerleader for three years!".

If you're a pervert with a cheerleader fetish you're probably better off sticking to stronger stuff like the original "The Cheerleaders" (or a hardcore porn movie like "Debbie Does Dallas"), but if you enjoy ridiculous devil movies and/or cheesy 70's flicks like I do, you'll no doubt find this to be a pleasant little diversion.

As many others before me have likely pointed out, "Satan's Cheerleaders" is really too tame to work that well as an exploitation film. However, provided one refuses to take it seriously, they *can* have some fun with it. There is a sense of humour present, and a tongue in cheek tone. Co-written and directed by B movie veteran Greydon Clark ("Without Warning"), it's an amiable enough bag of garbage.

Still, one has to sit through way too much tomfoolery (for at least the first third of the movie) as nothing that entertaining happens. Kerry Sherman (as Patti), Hillary Horan (as Chris), Alisa Powell (as Debbie), and the well endowed Sherry Marks (as Sharon) play our title characters. On their way to a football game, they're waylaid by Billy (Jack Kruschen), the bumbling, stuttering janitor at their school. They've been selected as sacrifices for local Satan worshippers led by a genial sheriff (John Ireland) and his nutty wife (Yvonne De Carlo).

Devotees of cinematic trash may take exception to a low body count, an absence of gore, and the limited amount of bare female flesh. This is closer to the kind of thing one might expect to see in TV movie treatment of such material. The slumming big name cast provides some curiosity value; De Carlo appears to be serious, but Ireland is clearly kidding around, John Carradine knowingly hams it up as a bum, Kruschen is appropriately off putting, and Sydney Chaplin has some fun as one of the Devils' disciples. He plays a monk, and actually gets addressed as "Monk"; also, the girls have their names stenciled on their tops just so we're never in doubt as to who is who. Director Clarks' wife Jacqueline Cole plays Phys. Ed. teacher Ms. Johnson.

When the sheriffs' actual name is "B.L. Bubb", you know you're not watching high art, or anything remotely subtle.

Recognizable names among the crew are cinematographer Dean Cundey, camera operator Ray Stella, and script supervisor Debra Hill.

Five out of 10.

Whenever I want to explain to someone great camp B-movies, I hold up a DVD of Satan's Cheerleaders. Still one of the best.