Mission top secret

A poor "caper" film from the nadir of American moviemaking. Trite set pieces and dreadful cinematography. Acti? Go to a grammar school play and see better. It's the second or third worst I've see, since previewing a turkey about the gas lines during a gas crisis at the Paramount Studios executive screening room. Since I was dating one of the executives, I couldn't leave. Nearly as bad was a Coppola mess with Francis in a wrinkled white suit, sweating more water than the LA river trying to defend it and raise money for it. I think it was about drunks in Las Vegas.

Patrick O'Neal, of "The Kremlin Letter" (1970), here is some kind of skinny James Bond, who gets more punches than he gives, but, from time to time, he's invisible. Ira von Fürstenberg, who looks like a twin sister of Margaret Lee, is Arabella, kind of Bond girl. Donald Pleasence, post original Bond, makes a caricature of a villain. So does Henry Silva, a bad character parody. Nicoletta Machiavelli, who looks very good in this movie, is helping Henry Silva. All are spies and spies one another, American, Russian, Chinese, the whole planet etc. One half spies the other half... The music is signed by the great Ennio Morricone but it's not great. Director is master Alberto Lattuada, who has made many good films, including two absolute masterpieces: "Lights of Variety" (along with Fellini) and "Mafioso" with the great Alberto Sordi. Another interesting movie made by him is "Fraulein Doktor". This one is neither a masterpiece nor stupid. It's worth seeing if you like Bond parodies and for the sake of the stars.

So: the Cold War meant that spies were terribly interesting people, and Ian Fleming -- who actually had been a spy -- wrote some potboiler novels full of sex and sadism about the sort of spy he would have liked to have been: able to run around, drink infinite amounts of booze, save the world and bed all the good-looking women. This, of course, led into the long-running series of James Bond movies and into imitators and spoofs, like GET SMART and this one, which is not particularly gallant and not particularly funny.

Patrick O'Neal is a newspaper reporter about to the shot by the Red Chinese, probably for being in this movie. Fortunately, he has just been given a dime-store ring by an Ancient Chinese man which will turn him invisible. He has to be naked for it to be effective, of course. He escapes and is promptly recruited by American General Howard St. John to get some vials full of red liquid from billionaire Donald Pleasance -- who looks like the only one enjoying this movie. In this he is aided by Ira von Fürstenberg, and opposed by Henry Silva, who is working for the Chinese. Pleasance has a number of beautiful women working for him, and some thugs. He also has a really weird expression on his face, a Rumanian name, a castle and an Italian accent.

I am pretty sure this is supposed to be funny, because Alberto Lattuada directs, as well as contributing to the script. Maybe it's funny in Italy. From this American's viewpoint, he did a lot better work when he was writing with Fellini.

New York Tribune reporter Perry 'Matchless' Liston (Patrick O'Neal) is being tortured by Chinese communists for being a spy. He is given an ancient ring by a fellow prisoner. It's a ring that turns the wearer temporarily invisible but one must not wear it again until ten hours have pass. He manages to escape execution with the ring. He manages to reach New York with O-Lan to find the Americans doing the same things. They recruit him into the spy service to go against the evil Gregori Andreanu. He finds fellow prisoner Norris after him for the ring in cooperation with their former captors.

This is an Italian made movie for the English market. It's in the lesser known spaghetti espionage spoof genre. Sometimes it makes a sharp point about the world or the genre. Sometimes it's almost funny. Patrick O'Neal is not particularly funny. It takes all the premise of a 007 spoof and non of it achieves an actual laugh. Roger Moore would be funnier. O'Neal is essentially playing it straight and that could work. In the end, I don't think the humor translates except for physical comedy. The movie starts well enough but it grinds down by the non-laughs.

Donald Pleasance (in a pre-Bond appearance), used ROBOTS to serve food in his castle. This was in 1967 and today we use them in serving positions and call it AI. The movie moves along well with a fabulous cast of international stars and many "familiar" Italian actors known in that era. A somewhat believable story from start to finish. However, the escape across the river in the Car that is ALSO a Boat was taken directly from Richard Harrison's 1965, SECRET AGENT FIREBALL. They even used the river tunnels in much the same fashion. However, watch it if you like Euro-Spy movies.