Ninja Destroyer

I'm too busy running, flipping, making crossbows and non-related weapons appear out of thin air, covering up my face, flipping some more, and rolling around behind a shield like an idiot.

After that I plan to practice my smirks after flipping and integrating a totally non related asian drug cartel plotline that has absolutely nothing to do with the somewhat mind numbing American footage.

Now before i type anymore I have to practice my Ninja cartwheels!

That legendary master of the Z-Grade craptacular, Godfrey Ho, brings us yet another cut and splice slice of ninja lunacy!

In the case here, our man Ho delivers the story of a lucrative emerald mine and the various protagonists who are struggling to wrest control of it for their own profitable ends.

Sounds simple enough so far eh? Well believe me, trying to follow all of the characters and their loyalties in this proved to be a bloody Herculean task!

As far as I could discern there were broadly two separate groups vying for control of the mine. However, I'll be quite honest and state that even having just watched this film, I haven't a clue who was allied to which group and/or who the good guys (if there were indeed any) were - This really is THAT confusing!

Also of much perplexity, the main hero (of sorts) in this seems to spend the entire film getting beaten up and subsequently being held captive by each group in turn.

Yes indeed, as is very usually the case in these type of films, the original movie is, shall we say politely, somewhat less than engaging i.e a pile of old crap.

But of course, no one really cares about the original films.....no, it's the newly edited in ninja shenanigans that matter here!

Fans of bad acting will instantly delight to know that perennial Z-Movie favourite Stuart Smith stars in this as Michael, an ex Green Beret who is (we're expected to believe) controlling one of the groups in the original film. And boy, is our man Smith on form here....he's overacting to glory as though his very life depended on it!

As fate would have it, Michael is also a ninja(!) and seeing this as the case, the CIA send in one of Michael's Green Beret comrades, Byron (Bruce Baron) to apprehend him. But wait! - Byron also happens to be a ninja to!.....My god, is this merely a coincidence or is everyone in America a ninja nowadays?!

One of the most enjoyable aspects here is the inept manner in which these ninja segments are clumsily edited into the main film. Of particular mirth are the scenes in which Smith and Baron's characters 'interact' with characters from the original movie......to call these scenes awkward would be putting it mildly!

The best bit in the film though, as is always the case with these movies, is the climatic showdown between the hero and his nemesis. During this scene, Smith manages to throw in a great final speech which involves a great many choice expletives! Our man Baron, obviously taking great exception to this contumelious outburst (and in addition, especially to being referred to as a 'Rambo'(!!!) promptly sends Smith to the afterlife with a particularly nifty final move.

What can I say? - Aside from the boring Emerald mine plot (which sadly makes up the bulk of the movie) this is typically great Godfrey Ho fun. For fans of bad movies this is well worth a view......everyone else however, would be best advised to give this a wide berth.