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Mayhem: Directed by Joe Lynch and written by Matias Caruso

This, this is the movie The Belko Experiment should have been. This movie is bloody and brutal. This movie is funny and moves like a bolt of lightning in 87 minutes. It is the exact perfect length. This movie is a lot of fun. It makes my subscription to Shudder worth it even more when they have wonderfully, exhilarating movies like this.

This comes from Joe Lynch, the fun B movie director that turned the Wrong Turn series into what it became with Wrong Turn 2. He directed Salma Hayek's bad ass but heartfelt desperation in Everly. He has a handle on material like this. I can not wait to see what else he has in store or films I may have missed. He knows exactly what he wants to do. He fills the movie with vibrant color and creative kills feeding on the office related puns and jokes to weave in this story of redemption and finding life even through the muck and the bile.

The acting is superb. Steven Yuen proves that he has the chops to be a terrific leading man. He has the intensity. He has the vulnerability and he has the comedic timing. I think this movie showed even more of what he has to offer than Okja or the Walking Dead. Samara Weaving is fun and clever. Add this to her excellent villianous turn in The Babysitter and she's another one I can't wait to see what she does. The characters are fine tuned to a higher pitch but it works within the confines of this story. They are total lunatics especially when the virus reaches a fever pitch.

This was a fun, terrific movie. You would be hard pressed to find another horror comedy this solid, this stylish and this much of a damn good time. I give this movie a B.

River of Darkness: Written and directed by Bruce Koehler

I'm back folks with a cinematic masterpiece from the director of Endgame starring Kurt Angle when he was in TNA. This is part of a new journey into the world of cinema. I'm using suggestions from other people and reviewing in tandem with a friend of mine Roguish. This was my suggestion. I thought upon seeing the horrifically photoshopped poster that made the movie seem more like a cheapo action film that I had to see this. It's not an action film. It resembles what should be a horror film. It tries to scare you in the most rudimentary way possible. It has some make up effects but the camera used had to be a digital camera from the early 2000s.

I have to make mention of this right off the bat because it's the first thing that catches you offguard. The look of the film, the camera work being done. Everything has this unusual haze about it like we're in some dream level. It also looks painfully cheap. I assume that's because the director spent all his money hiring Kurt Angle and couldn't afford a half way decent camera. The lights give off this harsh painful glare and cast deep shadows like having a spotlight shone directly on your face. I was confused right from the start.

The other thing that bothered me was the inability of the movie to determine a time period. Things felt really anachronisitic. The diner had a 50s feel to it. The cabin the sheriff lived in felt more in tune with Grizzly Adams.

But the biggest problem is the odd relationships between characters. Everyone treats the hero like complete garbage. He is the sheriff and he is desperately trying to solve these murders albeit in a rather relaxed manner. He doesn't seem to have any urgency about him and he routinely shows regular every day folks graphic crime scene photographs. It had me uttering in a quite audible level what the hell is going on.

It has scenes that start and then go nowhere only to immediately pick a few moments later in a different location. It had me scratching my head and blathering like a buffoon at the path this story chose to go. It was the story of a wronged group of outcasts coming back from the grave to get revenge on the town who cast them to their graves. You know the plot of The Fog.

This was a miserable experience. I should have known better considering this director made Endgame. All the problems that movie had, this movie still has. He has learned nothing in between films. I know better. I do. I'm not certain why I do this to myself. A certain degree of self loathing I suppose. I have to remind myself though to stay away from Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies. I can do this. I have faith in my resolution.

I give this movie an F.

Primal Rage: Directed by Patrick Magee and written by Jay Lee and Patrick Magee

It has been a while since my last review. I had to take a bit of a break to recharge my batteries to bring more thoughts on movies that doesn't include the phrase it wasn't the best movie but it wasn't the worst in every single review. I'm so tired of seeing this. You don't have to use this phrase to describe a middle of the road but enjoyable movie. You can say you enjoy the film without justifying it's place in the pantheon of movie placement. I hope that made sense.

This brings us to the movie Primal Rage: The Legend of Oh-Mah or Primal Rage: Bigfoot reborn. This played for one night only in theatres as a Fathom Event. I always find that fascinating when Fathom Events does this with movies that no one has heard of and there are no trailers for it. How does that even work exactly? I understand when they did it with Rob Zombie's 31 and Kevin Smith's Yoga Hosers, both terrible movies with some good qualities. This one though was a very odd what the hell so naturally I set about trying to track it down, trying to track down any reviews for it. Nothing.

But finally I found it and got the chance to watch and what I got was Bigfoot Predator with the witch from Sleepy Hollow thrown in for good measure to add some mystical qualities to the narrative. This movie felt like a hodge podge of elements thrown in there to maximumize the one chance this filmmaker might have to make a movie. It does draw you in a bit but it takes too long to get to the point where the Oh-Mah is hunting them. They run across a large group of hunters with rapey tendencies and they lose their clothes along the way(The main characters that is) in a vain attempt to draw out some vulnerability. Like being hunted by Bigfoot Voorhees wasn't enough.

The performances were okay. I thought the actor who played Max was really one note and nothing felt genuine with him. The actors playing the native Americans fared a bit better but still suffered with dialogue that was forced and robotic from them. That witch character though was straight out of a cartoon and really out of place in this movie. I understood what they were trying to do. They were trying to add more to the story than just surviving the monster in the woods. It would be a better film if they had streamlined everything into what worked.

What worked were the effects. They were top notch. Those deaths are grisly and gory and just excellent stuff. The bigfoot creature is also beautiful and really well done. The effects work are the highlight of this film which makes sense since the director comes from an effects background.

This movie is okay. It is definitely a middle of the road film with too much fat around the edges but it is an enjoyable creature feature. I can't recommend it but if you decide to check it out, it's enjoyable.