kooleshwar

For starters...I'm a big fan, I've been a fan since I became a movie buff in 2002, waiting patiently in line for the copy of Leon, La Femme Nikita etc etc to become available at the DVD library.

Luc Besson is the pioneer of mixing multiple genres Kitsch , Art House,Action, Drama, Comedy always with a view to commercialism.

All his trademarks are there, the car chase through an European City in an ordinary car, The Slap, Suave Calm but violent Sidekick, the Mexican Standoff with Classical Music, the claustrophobic action set, Love taking a backseat but always around.....etc etc

But If there's anything Luc Besson can do, its combine the feminine and the violent.

He can make the same woman in the same clothes look ugly once, beautiful immediately after, sometimes he does it at the same time, he has shown Scarlet Johansson in lingerie and still not stirred you sexually.

Its the same with violence, he glamorises it, but it repulses you at the same time, at other times the most grotesque act seems so cool.

He has his fare share of critics if but none will disagree when I say that Luc Besson understands human emotions, violence and women. Respect.

Despite the ridiculous plot(please don't go if you're going looking for plot holes and scientific logic), the actors have remained true to their work, ranging from honest to flashes of brilliance.

Scarlet Johansson though I've maintained just doesn't have the versatility to play such roles, but she adds that glamour than unknown actresses just cant.

Technically Luc Besson has been and will always remain brilliant, and analysis of this aspect of his movies can fill pages.

In the end though I would like to describe my experience from this movie with the shortest of short illustrations.

You go into a Chefs Signature Restaurant, you're super excited, your friends who don't know of him less so, but some of your enthusiasm has rubbed of on them and besides everyone in the restaurant does their job well and your waitress is smoking hot.

He serves up signature dishes in the earlier course, stirring up all the areas of your tongue and taste buds, indeed even stirring up a whole range of emotions in everyone's body.

Everyone is anxiously waiting for a fitting finale , everything is ripe for it, the musicians in the restaurant are building up a crescendo , your expecting, Foie de Gras , Cocaine and Caviar, Dal cooked for days bye a blind , deaf cripple.......

The music is building....wait for it...

The credit card and rolled paper comes in.....wait for it...

The feel somewhere a salmon is being pulled from a fish tank...wait for it.....

In the background you can see the dying old lady, stirring Dal ...wait for it....

And then you get served Soggy Fries....

The vagaries of human thought doesn't allow us to enjoy such an experience no matter how good the earlier courses were, if you've built yourself up for something and that doesn't happen, than almost nothing that happened along the way will matter.

This my friend sums up my experience in the movie.

-s Finalle will soon be included in the definition of #epicfail and damp squib.

+/-s scarlet Johansson , ridiculous plot (sometimes too much even for me despite expecting it).

+s Technically Luc Besson, signatures et all, Cast remains true.

4/10...this discounts my epic disappointment as a fan, if your not a movie buff or a fan than you could probably add another star.

I firmly believe that exploitation films have taken a whole new meaning and are no longer the work of ambitious seedy individuals with their 8mm cameras.

The new exploitation films are works of ambitious misled directors armed with unlimited budgets, IMAX3d cameras, greedy studios and casts who could only care about the paycheck.

The budget ensures that you don't need to exploit a single premise, god bless money/power...

Because now you can exploit everything..

1) Single premise movie based on a toyline with silicon wafer thin plot......lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

2)15 yr old girl wearing alluring clothing, but wait shes 17.....that's legal.....where??!!.....lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

3) Big 3 Car manufacturer who needs to sell cars....but that means many many useless characters and screen time.....no problem...lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

4)Talented actors need to get paid, and the cinemagoer has to have underaged , in your face romance ala Blue Lagoon , and the boss secretary romance ala Iron man and others.....lets make a 2.75 hour movie on it.

This doesn't seem like an entirely bad thing BUT ALAS.

There are hardly any Transformers (maybe 12-15) who are half baked, and who don't even get 50% of the screen time.

If you are going to keep reminding us that the chick in the movie is 17 and its legal to allude to statutory rape but not show it,THAN WE MIGHT AS WELL HAVE MORE SHOTS OF THE SAID GIRL IN A LITTLE LESS CLOTHING SAYING EVEN NICER THINGS than shouting dad every 2 mins...what kind of exploitation film is this??

GM needs to sell cars, and their paying for it, so why not show the entire range including vintage ones, add new car transforming robots,(when did we care about staying true to the toyline anyway), A MONTAGE OF CHOICE GM CARS WITH THE ACCOMPANYING SIGHTS AND SOUNDS WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS MOVIE.

If we are going to pay talented actors just because they need the money, MIGHT AS WELL HAVE BETTER WRITTEN SCRIPTS AND DIALOGUES,SOME MORE CHEMISTRY etc etc. The supposedly funny and epic parts were "Ohh so not what they wanted it to be".

While I've watched my fair share of exploitation films (not including The Blue Lagoon and its bad Sequel .....hmmm brooke shields.......slurrp), this movie unfortunately doesn't succeed at EXPLOITING ANYTHING BUT THE AUDIENCE.

The few things going for this movie is the phenomenal CGI, a few good action scenes, the honest acting,and the "ï still cant get over how amazing it is" IMAX 3D format.

I cant help but feel watching it in any other medium especially on a small home screen would knock of 2 stars of this movie.

-s tries to exploit everything succeeds at none of them,mostly bad dialogues, plot holes etc etc.

+/-s good honest acting with a wafer thin script.

+s IMAX 3D, superb CGI, some genuinely entertaining scenes especially in the second half.

"Main Dil main to Aata Hoon , Samajh main nahi"....this Dhamakedaar /kicky dialogue sums up Salman Khans life better than any article or future book written on him ever can.

And as such is the highest kick of the few high kicks in this movie.

Just for kicks, lets enumerate some of the low kicks.

Mainstream Bollywood aims for new low kicks by copying movies made in the south which at best border on ridiculous and mostly will cross over into absurd territory, its only fitting that the man who has pushed Star Studded movies onto the other side is Salman Khan whose own life runs much like South Indian films.

Silly is OK but most of the movie borders on ridiculous, and not the cool ridiculous satirical /poke fun at yourself Dabangg way, but just plain old stupidity.

Shameless melodrama, haphazard direction and story, poorly choreographed action scenes, etc etc etc.

And I thought I could repeat the word "KICK" 786 TIMES IN THIS REVIEW LIKE THE MOVIE DOES....BUT I JUST COULD NOT.

Page after Page could be filled with the various below the belt kicks that this movie gives you....but lets get to the high kicks.

Every Salman movie is about Salman and as such Salman fans wont get the kick that they Wanted(note the pun). This is more like the 20th cigarette a chain smoker has, gives you a mild kick, but only leaves you feeling full of self pity.

Nawazuddin and Hooda do a great job of what little roles they have and as such are the only bright spots in the acting department, seeing them bring such honesty to such a ridiculous movie gives major kicks.

The 4 songs are all catchy , Honey Singh/ Himmesh Reshamiya, hot chicks filled goodness, with the random Salman steps to boot, super kicks.

I love the fact that movies have given up trying to have albums with 12 songs and instead have only 4 songs each of which are blockbuster, my personal favourite is Tere Bina Kick.....Fakri hmmm Fakri....mann karta hain naam mein hi ....

Jacky is there to do a Job and By God she does, lehenga, skirts, microminis, librarian, the homely girl who goes wild, every kick that an Indian Man seeks from a woman she has delivered, god bless her soul for making this movie tolerable.

-s was there even a script writer or was the entire movie hammed? Kick,kick,kick,kick,,,,,,OK I give up...

+/-s Salman Khan...love him,...hate him.....

+s Songs, Jacky, Hooda, Nawaz...technically/visually very sound.

In the end "Picture Na Toh Dil Mein Aata Hain, Na Samajh"..If you go for this movie you're going to end up Kicking yourself(one last time)..you're much better off watching the official promotional music videos and trailers on-line.....they are the best part of this movie.....(I say this while watching the Tere Bina video for the 5000th time on YouTube).