chris-range

At last Christopher Lambert is cast in a part that actually plays to his accent rather than against it. In the guise of Vercingétorix, a gallic chieftain from the era of the Roman occupation of Celtic Gaul, Lambert plays his role with reasonable believability. Too bad it's a role stuck in a stinker of a movie. I'm usually willing to forgive a great deal for the sake of a bubblegum movie. But Vercingétorix (which I saw dubbed under it's English title of Druids) seemingly tries to split the difference between history and Saturday matinee machismo. There's plenty of manly back-slapping, drinking and good natured name calling to let us know these celts are rude but fun. Ok - well that's interesting the first time or two it's done, but it seems these guys can never make a decision on anything without turning it into some kind of a bar room brag off. For a movie that wants to be fairly serious, that just doesn't fit.

For contrast look at Braveheart - there's a little bit of manly bruderschaft but it's all played against a darker impending reality. 13th Warrior is an eye candy flick, and we see some Viking braggadocio around the campfire, but we're willing to suspend disbelief because even though its a formula film, it actually sticks closely enough to the formula to be enjoyable. Vercingétorix never makes up its mind whether its a formula film or serious cinema.

Surprising appearances (wow, fancy seeing you here) from Klaus Maria Brandauer as Julius Ceasar and Max von Sydow as the druidic cleric Guttuart, add at least a teensy bit of nuance to an otherwise forgettable movie. The film has some moments that are somewhat entertaining despite a certain leering quality. A scene in which the townswomen bare their chests to distract Roman soldiers is funny in retro 1960s macho movie way. Like those films this is supposed to instruct us that the women are intelligent and liberated. Coming from a less inhibited society their nakedness teaches us puritanical moderns that tribal life was somehow nobler than ours. Nahh - it's gratuitous feeble eroticism but if you're a man with a healthy sense of humor, uncowed by political correctness, it's a better part of the film. Hey, it's fun to look at nekkid ladies, right guys? Accept that for what it is and at least it's not a total waste of filmstock.

No spoilers on the end -- in the strange event that you actually take time to watch this regrettable thing -- but I wondered after the credits, why is it that the most important and potentially exciting parts of this story are told to us via narrative. Why are the most boring parts given valuable screen time?

Costumed followers of ancient reenactment societies will have a fun afternoon mocking the bad garb. Others should steer clear.

The 13th Warrior may not match contemporary action film expectations and neither is it strictly a Beowulf allegory. While the film gives a nod to classic Epic literature, the real magic is grown of roots in history. In "Eaters of the Dead" the novel which inspired the film, writer Michael Crichton drew inspiration from the true story of Ibn Fadlan.

Ahmed Ibn Fadlan was a poet and diplomat who lived in the caliphate of Bagdhad in the 10th century. He received a deputation in the year 921 A.D. to journey to the King of the Bulghars of the Volga as an emissary of the Caliph al-Muqtadir. Fadlan outlined the details of this journey in his 'risala' or 'kitlab' (diary/history). Somewhere along the way Fadlan found himself in the extensive company of an Eastern Scandinavian tribe called the Rusiyyah. The Rus were being raided by the Varangians, a more barbarous tribe with customs rooted in pre-history. In his story, Crichton calls the Varangians by the name of another barbaric European tribe, the Wendols. From their name we get the English words vandal and vandalize - so one can imagine in what sorts of business they engaged.

So this is the background for the film. Is the movie history? No, but if one puts aside obvious errors such as Bulwyf's German plate armour (500 years ahead of its time) or another warrior's Roman helmet (500 years after its time) - the movie is enjoyable. The Rus were not Vikings with a capital V. They were Slavs who went a' viking, meaning raiding. Ibn Fadlan spent years among the Bulgars, Khazars and other Slavic tribes of the North. In all his travels, he gave no more detail than what he wrote of his time with the Rus and of their battles. What Crichton has given us is not history, but it is an entertaining point of departure from which to consider history. Next time you watch this movie, imagine you are Ibn Fadlan, come from a life of civilized luxury and suddenly thrown into this strange world. Try listening to the language, understanding his fear. Imagine that you must face cultures and battles entirely alien to your experience. That is what the 13th Warrior is all about. It is the tale of the journey, of the stranger in the strange land. It is a great adventure film, one I've enjoyed dozens of times.