kumanoken

The third and final chapter of the new Hokuto No Ken is a crushing bore and a staggering disappointment for fans. The one thing that you could always depend on the '80's original for was a ton of ultra-violent martial arts action in each installment, and those responsible for the current version have completely forgotten forgotten that golden rule. The final hour-long segment is virtually nothing but a festival of talking heads engaged in uninvolving and boring dialogue, and the raison d'etre of the series, the fighting, does not turn up until the last five minutes, by which time the audience has lost both patience and interest. Adding insult to injury is the fact that the battle that is supposed to offer a satisfying climax is a stone-cold dud in which the villain is no challenge for Kenshiro whatsoever.

The bottom line on this one is that even if you, like me, are a hardcore North Star fan you should avoid this DVD at all costs; by the end of this installment my eyes were fighting to stay open (a far more compelling fight than anything found in the story) and when it was over I napped out for a couple of hours despite having had a full night of sleep. If this crap is what may await fans in future entries, I sincerely hope that just let Kenshiro stay dormant until someone has a decent idea for any continuations.

Seriously, folks, SHIN HOKUTO NO KEN is a massive failure all around; from the ugly character designs and dearth of action to the awful soundtrack and sheer boredom of the plot, this just plain sucks. Next to the obscure Chinese live action version from the late 1980's (not the version where Gary Daniels plays Kenshiro and Malcolm McDowell whores himself out yet again), this is the darkest chapter in the history of HOKUTO NO KEN adaptations. AVOID LIKE THE PLAGUE!!!

As a rule, even though I am a dyed-in-the-wool hardcore fan of martial arts films, I have to go on record and state that I have a blazing hatred for ninja movies. Good movies about ninjas are few and far between, such as Super Ninjas, the Kozure Okami (Lone Wolf and Cub) series and the outstanding Challenge of the Ninja (aka Shaolin Challenges Ninja), so when you find a good one, cherish it. Most of the others are simply mediocre like the suckass Sho Kosugi flicks of the 1980's (Revenge of the Ninja, Enter the Ninja and others), or else just awful like the Swedish-made Ninja Mission, one of the handful of films that I have walked out on. Then there are films like Challenge of the Lady Ninja. This film is an unmitigated turdstorm, replete with horrid dubbing, a ridiculous plot, martial skills that veer toward the superhuman, and camera-work that makes one ask if it was lensed by Stevie Wonder. That said, it stars Chia Ling as a Chinese woman who somehow joins a clan of Japanese ninja and masters their skills. Chia Ling can throw down with the best of them (as seen in the unjustly ignored classic 13 Evil Bandits, aka Against the Drunken Cat Paws), looks terrific in a red ninja outfit, and is lots of fun to watch here, but the real selling point here is the fact that Challenge of the Lady Ninja is the martial arts film that Ed Wood might have made if he were still alive. This is in many ways the Plan Nine from Outer Space of kung fu films (and there are a lot of strong contenders for that dubious honor), what with a painful script, terrible acting and my favorite element: despite the fact that the story takes place in World War II, we see 1970's Cadillacs as period automobiles. The plot is utterly beside the point; just sit there in amazement as the film unfolds and realize that it is practically impossible to intentionally make a bad movie that is as entertaining as this one.