dgalloway

Cop movies have always been one of my least favorite genres. As a son of an actual police officer, I can tell you that their jobs are never like those in the movies. Take this movie, for example. A drunk of a cop gets to take down an entire crime conspiracy while sitting in his car.

That last sentence just about summed up the entire plot. The main character, Mitchell (played by Joe Don Baker), starts by investigating the murder of a burglar at the residence of a crooked lawyer named Dini (played by the barely-competent John Saxon). Afterwards, he gets sent to stake out another crooked individual, this time named James Arthur Cummings (played by the most-likely embarrased Martin Bolsan). After doing everything you're NOT supposed to do on a stakeout (such as leave your target and make your presence known three seconds into the job), he comes across an entire conspiracy involving a shipload of stolen heroin. Along the way, he bags hooker Linda Evans, then drags her to the big house afterwards.

Like my summary said, this movie has tons of cop cliches. The supreme gangster, for example, is the biggest italian stereotype this side of Super Mario. Cummings has a seemingly immortal minion (played by Merlin Olsen) who doesn't go down until after he nearly kills Mitchell. Dini and Cummings both have high positions, and get away with virtually everything. Mitchell busts a hooker, but since he slept with her, he technically broke the law. And of course, nothing gets done unless someone goes out and commits a mass murder spree.

This movie is most remembered as Joel's last episode of MST3K, but the show used a much shortened version. I've seen the full version, and the plot makes much more sense there, but that still doesn't excuse the cliches, lousy plot, bad acting, and everything else wrong with this movie. It's one of the worst movies in one of the worst genres.

Night Train to Mundo Fine is different from many films. Most films try to have some kind of plot; NTtMF has none. Most films try to have competent actors; NTtMF has none. Most films try to have some kind of action; NTtMF has none. Like always, Coleman Francis wasn't even trying to make a good movie; it's like he delights on torturing those foolish enough to watch his movies.

What happens in this piece of trash? Well, an escaped convict named Griffin joins up with two slack-jawed yokels and gets involved in an invasion of Cuba. Something then happens, and the entire force of seven gets captured by a guy in an outhouse. They get killed one by one, until Griffin and his two pals escape the prison and fly back to the US. There they go to an old diner, where they kill the owner by throwing him down a well. Why? I honestly have no idea. Afterwards, they hook up with the wife of one of their fellow invaders, who takes them up into the mountains before Griffin shoots her. There's a boring chase scene, and Griffin gets killed.

So much of this movie makes no sense. If you value your sanity, stay far away from this film.