egaliani

To be fair, I knew I wouldn't like this. Too many bored, bourgeois parents/professionals seem to want to be titillated by horror. I knew that going in, and, late tonight, after swearing I wouldn't try, because I'm old enough to identify things I will loathe by the way they're presented, I clicked on it anyway - some deeply buried portion of my superego hoping desperately my judgement might be misguided in this case, perhaps astonished to find a hidden gem in a sea of trailer cowpat.

And then I lasted 60 seconds. I can't even feed y'all any spoilers, insights, psychobabble, interpretations, or even coherent insults.

It was just that tragic. I repeat: 60 seconds.

Years ago, a friend made a duet record with his lead guitarist, featuring his band but as a separate project. When his business manager heard it, his comment was 'you made this as if you're already a star,' pointing to its unpeggable content and great variety. Rubicon's first episode suffers from another version of the same thing. Episode One of a series called 'Rubicon.' Colour desaturation, glacial pacing, faces we'd hardly seen, and -charitably- 25 minutes of plot in 45 minutes of screen time. I came a hair's breadth away from turning it off. I didn't. Now at Ep. 5, I am happy with my choice. On the other hand, look to the above for what I assume were poor audience numbers.

And now I'm at the end, and boy, does it fall to bits. What exactly is it about writing a denouement that makes screenwriters fall to bits? Were they morons to begin with, or were they corralled into herd stupidity?

I've never seen anyone make so much hay out of: 1. A section of a parking lot on Orange Grove in downtown Burbank, 2. A probable commercial kitchen and, 3. A maybe 1,000 sq. Ft. Soundstage.

You've got to give them Kudos just for that, if not for the most convincing catfight I've ever seen.

The animated opening works, all the actors are above serviceable, some of the pacing gets iffy, but more than half the jokes made me smile. Olga is still very watchable, and her facility with languages adds a veracity you don't often see. The twins are hilarious, as is Gary the masseur. Last but not least, while not incredibly original, it's got more originality and flair than the majority of big tent productions.

I'm guessing they shot this in a few days. Give them all a break. They entertained, and they punched well-above their budget tranche.

Bravo everyone.