stobby101

I am a big fan of bad movies, and my friends and I often rent or buy bad movies and make fun of them together. I was at the mall a few days ago and saw this on DVD for 5 dollars. I laughed at the cover and bought it without thinking twice. It definitely gave us something to make fun of. The plot of the movies jumps around a lot, and it was really hard to tell what was happening. We almost fell on the ground when we first found out who the evil boss is. The movie is extremely random and the acting is hilariously bad. Also, the sound on the DVD is really really dim and hard to hear. It is a horrible movie, so if you are a fan of them, you might wanna check it out.

BTW: It said it was made in 1994 in the beginning, but I trust IMDB more than them. Either way, it seemed like it was made in the early 80s at best.

This movie was so horrid that i wanted to take a giant sledge hammer and smash it over and over and over and over again until it was sooooo broken that if i stick it into the VCR, it wont even work right! Then i will burn it up with a blowtorch that my friend Jed gave me last year for flag day and it will be so burnt that i couldnt even read the horrible title "alien beasts"! Jed said that he'd drive his truck off a cliff with the movie in the glove compartment, but i didnt want his house destroyed. The only cool part of the entire 4 hour movie was when the guy with the funny eyebrow did a flip and hit his head on the pole! I laughed so hard that i shook the van woke up my neighbors. I want to make the movie go away!

10/10

After having received an excellent recommendation from my "movie guru" friend, Warren, who has seen this movie a countless number of times, and thus possibly is the all-time lord and master of this movie, delving into every crack and crevice this succulent cinema has to offer, I decided to kick back, grab a bowl of my favorite "Ricardo's Rude Ranch" Chili, and really sink my teeth into a timeless cult classic such as Casablanca, The Sound of Music, or, in this case, Predators from Beyond Neptune.

So after I put on my 3-D glasses (which I later learned were completely useless for the viewing of this movie.. I just like to wear them, although it sometimes weirds out Warren) I clenched onto my plush, leather Relax-o-Matic reclining armchair, and got ready for the RIDE OF MY LIFE.

After the first few action-packed cut-scenes that send you careening into a pulse-quickening spiral of complete and utter entrancement... it took me through a serious of tortuous twists and a quandary of quagmires, I could only describe the experience in one, genius, hyphenated word: mind-numbing.

So basically, after downing that chili I mentioned earlier, and covering my right eye so I could see the movie slightly better through the reddish tint of my left 3-D glass lens, I saw a bunch of what I like to call, "Masters of Mayhem" duke it out on the bigscreen, I became stunned and surprised, stupefied and stridulated. I think I can use the word "stridulated" to describe this experience, but I never really bothered to look it up. By "stridulated", I mean something like the other words all starting with "s" that I used before. Okay... so back to the movie...

The ending was barbaric and morbidly horrific, in that saddening, deeply touching sort of way that only movies of this caliber can pack. By the denouement, I was left in tears, as the Predators from Neptune actually were from Pluto! I tried to stifle my embarrassing sobs, and as chunks of "Ricardo's Rude Ranch" Chili began to erupt in vociferous bursts from my nostrils (I sneakily used Warren's tennis shirt I borrowed a few days ago to clean off this bean sauce), I emerged from the movie more wiser and enlightened... a better man.

In conclusion, this movie was, for the most part, the turning point of my life. Before viewing this classic, I was a wreck who never finished anything I started in life, but by the end, I had resolve.. I sensed a newfound purpose to my life... to review "diamond in the rough" type movies like these, and allow their untapped glory to shine on readers like you. Thank you.

10/10 !!! (the part about the alien boogers mutating was kind of weird, but the plot held together well enough to forgive this minor detraction)