Domitian

Eh, circus. Everyone's seen a circus. This ripe little slice of hell deals with...well...just a bunch of scenes from some circus (the really old, creepy kind, mind you). Nothing memorable about it, it's just filler space. It strikes me funny though, a movie about the circus like this, I mean, isn't the "joy" of the circus the fact that you're actually there, watching everything for yourself? When you put it on film, you miss the nuances. You don't have that cotton candy mixed with beer and vomit smell joining up with the smell of elephant and horse manure to form a two-pronged odor attack. You don't hear children shrieking, or mothers slapping them for not ceasing their annoying complaints. There are no screaming happy clowns barging into your face, demanding attention and admiration. Actually...now that I think about it in my own way....this short isn't so bad. It's available on an episode of MST3K, but I can't remember which one offhand. Just when you watch it, try to hear that "doo doo doodoodoo-do do doo dooo!' circus music played on a Hammond organ song you hear in so many horror movies.

"Swing your arms, from side to side/Come on it's time to go do the MARIO!/Take one step, and then again/Let's do the MARIO all together now!/Everybody!/ Do the Mario!/ Just like thaaaaaat!". What a pathetic little dance. Swing your arms and take two steps, one at a time. Wow, I have to assume that it was written the night before the show aired and was crafted with very...hmmm..."physically un-taxing" moves to accommodate ex-pro wrestler Lou Albano, who played Mario. Incidentally, if you grew up in the 80's like I did, you might remember that Lou Albano used to be in all of Cyndi Laupers videos. Remember how at the end of the song, the "just like thaaaaat!" part, how he went down on one knee, and it looked like he was about to fall over? Sigh - I love nostalgia. I used to watch this show while I ate my Nintendo Cereal (NIN-TEN-DO it's a cereal, wow!) from an actual Super Mario Bros. bowl, no joke. What a terrific show, I have the episode where Princess Toadstool got kidnaped by Koopa (go figure) and Mario, Luigi, and Toad have to go to the desert oasis to save her. And it had the irritable genie, and the flying carpets, and PIDGETS (Luigi spoke pidget, actually). This show was followed up by the strange Super Mario 3 based cartoon and the completely strange and horrible Super Mario World based cartoon.

I've seen lots of movies about Rome. I've read lots of books about Rome. I'm a history major needless to say, and unless something is pretty much dead on accurate, then it makes my face hurt and I bore everyone around me into a stupor due to that fact that I have to point every flaw out individually. Gladiator? Garbage! That movie was pure FILTH compared to Caligula. Malcolm McDowall gives probably his best performance ever as the eccentric, narcissitic, and downright crazy emperor Caligula. Every time I read a history text dealing with Caligula or his uncle Tiberius I picture Malcolm. He's just that good in this movie, he's completely insane and creepy. What's funny is the fact that this was supposed to be a "porno" and it isn't. Nothing in this film is masturbation worthy, as it is too...gritty and creepy. It makes me itch all over. The first time I saw this film, I borrowed it from a friend on dvd (unedited of course) and my girlfriend and I watched it. Needless to say, we were amazed, and she needed to turn it off at the um...."Glory of Rome" scene in the kitchen. This from the girl who owns every "Faces of Death" and "Mondo Caine" ever made, not to mention the Ilsa series of movies! Historically, this movie is spot on, as hard to believe as it is, most of this is true. Cinematically, a masterpiece. "Let them hate me, so long as they FEAR me!".