Little Red Riding Hood

This film professes to be the Grimm Fairy Tales version of Little Red Riding Hood but doesn't even follow that basic plot. It really seems to be two different bottom of the barrel TV movies stitched together with no rhyme or reason. The plot seems to be that a medieval Little Red Riding Hood is going through the forest when an undead knight warns her of evil. A little later someone in werewolf makeup chases after her, so she runs away... to the castle of said evil, of course. She goes right in and then from then on does nothing of any interest. We never even see the big bad wolf again. That's the first 15 minutes. The ultimate bad guy stands around a lot in meaningless poses we assume the director either thought was dramatic or to excessively pad out the running length of the film. Oh, and everyone does a lot of slow walking that the camera documents in great detail. Anyway, then we cut to modern days (with no explanation) with an influencer (played by Nicole Stark, who is about the closest thing to a redeeming value this film has) in the wild somewhere on a photography trip deep in the mountains before college starts up. The nature is shot through a filter that sucks all the color and grandeur out of it, so even that appears lifeless and nearly monochrome. Then her car (Wait, car? She said she was deep in the wild?) is destroyed by a... I don't know, mummy lady with explosive glass balls? It's never explained what she's supposed to be. So the woman finds a chateau or something, which happens to be... the summer home of the same ultimate evil? I can't even explain who or what this guy's supposed to be, just a guy in a latex mask who apes doing Shakespeare and sometimes has SFX smoke come out of his body. And there's a lot of shots in this film of one bad guy or another in latex mask creeping around comically behind a female character while she's unaware, as if that's threatening, but then walking away for no reason. And, seriously, a whole lot of time transpires, and absolutely nothing of any consequence happens. At some point there seems to be something supposedly happening, but it doesn't advance the plot in any way. And then, back in the middle ages, some other hero shows up and meets a beautiful woman, and, what? Nothing. Then he meets Little Red at the castle of ultimate doom, and the movie just ends shortly later. I'm not marking this as a spoiler because there's absolutely nothing to spoil. I can't reveal a plot point if it doesn't have one. I've reviewed some of this director's movies before, and they were, unsurprisingly, atrocious, but this film is even worse than they were somehow. If you have seen some of my other reviews, you can see I usually bend over backwards to give out stars. Usually if something has some good parts, but admittedly not many, it'll still get a 4. If it's just bad across the board, I'll throw out a 2 just for the effort of making a movie. This gets a one. Not even sorry for that at all. If only I could give it zero.

HEY EVERBODY ITS ME (4), and today we review .... "freaky friday " - the movie .....

its 2 movies for the price of 1 !!!!!!!!! Sadly both are boring ....... i mean ... they both are basically the exact same thing ... girl ... runnign from monster guy whos is so terrible at hide and seek he has to get help ...but his minions are also RALLY bad at playing hide and seek and cant find a couple of girls who are literally sitting on a couch watching tv at one point .... the monster kind dude actually walks right past her .... goes up stairs .... unleashes a monster then to go and find her for him ???? His minions dont have eyes ....but he does ....but obviously needs some thick glasses ... lol..

listen .... it follows the story of ...a girl ..... whos forced into a castle because of a monster king letting a werewolf out to go scare her into the castles force field ...the one that the wereworlf can escape but the girl cant .....cut to .... modern times ....a girl exploring some woods with a camera .... she .... goes into a weird force field thing ??? Other dimension ??? And now the monster king is also interested in her ???? But shes in today ...and the red riding hood girl is in like ...1600s .....now ... the movie just cuts back and forth and back and forth for 1.25 hours of the same thing ...... monster guy walking around making grunting and growling noises ......then he lets a random monster go ..... maybe some magic sparkles float around .... NO ONE TALKS ....then some random guy shows up ....he talks for like 2 minutes about whats going on .... the cut to the other chick and repeat basically ..... then add more random characters and pointless walking around and more nothing happening ... and BAM you have this movie ... if you fall alseep you magically get sucked into some sort of forcefield thing that trasposts you back to the beginning of the film and you just .....keep going .. FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heres what i think happened .........a few cos-play friends had some cool monster costumes , some nice silicone ones with the gloves and all .... AND they had access to a nice summer house ....and a castle location .....some wooded areas ...and they said " hey lets make a movie" .... "cool jimmy , but what about ? " .... jimmy:" it doesnt matter, we have cool stuff .. lets just film it and THEN decide what its about " ..... AAANNDDDDD here we have little red riding hood: grims horror .... and it has NOTHIGN TO DO WITH RED RIDING HOOD other than shes like "my grandmas sick" .....

oh and a wereworlf ? I guess ....

the audio is decent.... BUT HOLY DOODOO ON A CRACKER .... the prince charming dude LOL ..really ?????? Why ... why would you have done that guy like that .... im sure his real voice couldnt have been that bad .... and making it sound like the expected prince charming deep "manly" voice to that degree of the voice actor was tryhard a little to much ....not trying to tear this film apart but jesus you leave me no choice guys .... it really didnt fit AT ALL it looks unfitting and sounds unfitting and feels very unnatural ....just wow ...

and finally .. the last nail in the coffin .... the visual FX ... rough .... if the tracking would have been more stable on scenes like the soul transfer thing from the girl etc ....it could have worked ... but like .. it needed REAL world lighting in the room to help that blend well ... like if you would have had someone with a strobe going behind them and a green light phasing in and out slightly on his chest and on the walls some other lighting ... THEN added the digital FX wit hthe portal etc .. BAM it all would have really came together BUT as it stands now .... it just doesnt work cohesively ..... it just looks like some bad fx slapped lazily on to the film .....

im sorry man .... but if this would have been a one movie kind of movie .. i think it would have been better ..... IF you would have kept the zombie guy from the beginning as the woodsman and had him the entire time following her to try and help her but she kept running in fear .... that could have been the reason she fled to the castle ... then keep the werewolf for the very end , still have the king letting monsters go , and having the zombie woodsman fighting them for the girl, .... finally she figures out hes a good guy and he died trying to fight the king or something .... could have made it dramatic .. MAYBE a twist , its her dad that left home YEARS earlier ... oohhh gasp .... i mean seriously SO much more depth could have been in here ... but instead we get 1.25 hours of walking .....grunting .... growling .... walking ....growling .... new monster walking now .... growling ..... more walking .... ugh ........

1/10 .....

-Little Red Riding Hood (2015) "movie" review: -So not-really-Little Red Riding Hoodish is evidently another adaptation of, wait, you'll never guess! Little Red Riding Hood. Only this one looks like is has the quality of a student project. A high school student project. No, I was in a high school film project, and it was better than this. I am NOT exaggerating.

-I am going to go ahead and point out how much fun I had hating this film! Again, no joke.

-The "film" didn't really have a story. It was also part modern, I guess, but never explained anything. It did not follow the story, things just happened because they happened, and you never really know what is happening. And then suddenly, 50 million shots of weird mud-ish people in a castle! The editing was one of the worst things about this ever. Actually it was the worst editing I have ever seen. Yup.

-The pace was sooooooo slow because NOTHING HAPPENED!!!! EVER. The shots of the mud-ish people were just walking around. NOTHING HAPPENS!!!! -The acting makes Disney Channel look like the Oscars. Including people who can't read lines, people who can't run, people who can't emote, wolf masks, mud people walking, a 'modern person' who makes Megan Fox's acting look sharp, and lots. And lots. AND LOTS. Of really really horrible voice-overs. Literally worse than The Room.

-The characters. There is not enough sustenance in this "movie" to even look at any sort of character development.

-The music is tediously bad and the same two pieces over-and-over again! -The effects are laughable. At least the two stupid Vs. movies I reviewed had effects to show off, this one had really bad prosthetics and masks.

-Hey, at least the poster looked cool! Doesn't matter. Not in the film.

-Also I did not pay attention to the rating or content. I apologize. I think its fine, but I don't remember. I was too busy facepalming.

-In conclusion, I laughed my way through how bad Little Red Riding Hood was. Therefore: Little Red Riding Hood is…. So bad, it's good! In fact it is probably one of the worst films I have even seen. I'm not joking.

-So did you see Not-so-little Red Riding Hood-ish walks around? You should! It's a blast!

What can I say about this "movie"? Rarely have I experienced a film that failed so completely - and completely on all levels. The "actors" make everything, but certainly not acting. The cheap special effects can be made better by nearly every ten-year-old with a computer. The make-up makes the figures into immovable pseudo-beings. Camera, cut - everything is on the same lowest level. Visual effects are used for they own, not to serve the film or even the story. Especially since the allegedly based on Brothers Grimm, the term "story" is not deserved. This crude "story" never reveals itself. Part of the disaster is a synthetic retort sounds, which are supposed to promise something, even if it never becomes clear what exactly.

Author-director-cameraman-cutter Rene Perez, producer Robert Amstler and composer Risto R Muzik have to hate their audience and filmmaking. I've seen a lot of bad movies, but that's really one of the worst things I've ever seen. And not because it's just trashy. But because this film is "evil", bad, dumb, silly, a real catastrophe through and through. Not one area, not a single one, knows to convince.

This is the sort of film you see randomly playing at the dingy flat where you find yourself severely inebriated in the early hours of the morning after a very strange night out.

Mainly a silent movie, probably due to budget restraints only allowing the occasional atrociously overdubbed dialogue scene, the main focus of the action involves several characters and badly made-up monsters wandering around a castle aimlessly.

There is an attempt at some semblance of a 'story', but don't worry too much about that as the true entertainment factor of this movie is the ridiculously bad acting and nonsense, just nonsense! This is one of those films where you think "they must have been on acid when they made this" because you'd have to be completely out of your head to make something so utterly rubbish!