The Mystery Cruise

All you have to do is watch "Deck the Halls" and the casting for that movie. Scottie Thompson (Regan), Kathy Najimy (Alvirah), Larry Miller (Willie), David Selby (Luke), Jane Alexander (Nora), etc. The actors in this movie just seem miscast to me but that is only my opinion.

The book probably offered the bones that made this filmable. The D. P. did good work in tight spaces with limited lighting options. Director might not have decided if this was a farce or something else. For me what was most needed and not provided was a dialogue coach. Unless the intent was to be over the top farcical. But that would not explain the opening scene where no one was playing a mystery character.

There was a lot of eye rolling by the cast and surely more by viewers if they paid attention to the accents and acting.

Really remarkable boat though. With a name that makes sense given its location.

'The Mystery Cruise' (2013)

Opening thoughts: Despite how this may sound, there is absolutely no personal bias against the Hallmark Movies and Mysteries films. And this reviewer was certainly not expecting to hate 'The Mystery Cruise' from the get go. Have actually been pleasantly surprised by quite a number of Movies and Mysteries films, particularly the more recent films, and absolutely loved the premise and its potential mix of 'Clue' (one of my favourites) and Agatha Christie (my favourite author).

'The Mystery Cruise' just didn't deliver on most levels. Actually failing terribly on the most crucial areas. It is not quite one of the worst Hallmark Movies and Mysteries films, as nothing here actually insulted my intelligence like too many of the later ones have. But considering how great the premise was and as someone who has always loved the mystery genre, it is up there with the biggest missed opportunities with more bad things than good. Not a complete waste, but not good at all.

Good things: Did think that there were good things here. Larry Miller is dependably solid in his role, it is not an unfamiliar type of role for him (can understand where a previous reviewer is coming from when saying it would have been even more impressive if he playes against type) but he plays it with real engaging preaence and is the only actor who seems to know what sort of film he is in.

Also thought that some of the scenery and lighting was suitably moody and atmospheric.

Bad things: Nothing else works sadly. The rest of the actors go through the motions and generate very little personality or ease. The two leads look bored and their chemistry is disconnected. Didn't care for any of the characters, who are little more than severely under-developed genre archetypes wandering in and out. They are also so poorly introduced that most of the first third was spent trying to find out who was who.

Moreover, 'The Mystery Cruise' is very unimaginatively shot, indifferently directed (indicative of inexperience or someone not hugely familiar with the genre) and the choppy editing gives a confusingly choppy sensation. The script is mundane at best and doesn't flow very well, some of the latter parts on the melodramatic side and the attempts at cuteness and light-hearted-ness mostly felt out of place. The story jumps around a lot, takes a while to get going, plods in pace, lacks severely suspense and has too many turns that are predictable and under-explained. The beginning is one of the worst for any film seen in a long time, not just confusing but actually incoherent and reminiscent of a defective DVD skipping constantly, which made the film feel constantly choppy and incomplete.

Closing thoughts: Overall, very weak and underwhelming.

3/10.

Well I have to say this was not as good as I had hoped it would be but I did watch it all the way through and never thought i regretted this. you deside , watch or not. James Welch Henderson, Arkansas 2/21/2021

It starts off with two women, Regan and Alvirah arguing about going into a detective business right from the beginning before you even know who they are. They are both friends and will be going on a a Mystery Cruise.

The main characters are "detectives" Regan and Alvirah. Regan is the daughter of the author of mystery books which is sponsoring this cruise which involves a staged murder that the passengers must solve.

The story is confusing. You don't know who the characters are and what their role is accept they are passengers interested in solving a mystery. There are romantic scenes between who knows.

They talk among each other but the scenes change to other characters before I could understand what was going on. The characters all talk fast and discuss past mysteries and the murder on the Mystery Cruise.

In the process of this cruise a female passenger really tries to kill her husband a number of times.

The two women detectives plot to catch the wife that wants to kill her husband after seeing her trying a couple of times. The husband has no idea his wife of 5 years has been trying to kill him.

I think this was a pilot episode. It is nothing like other detective series like Murder She Wrote, Miss Marple or more. The way the story is written stinks.

Too many characters, most unknown and what their role is. It has some good qualities a little humor no swearing or sex.