Monster on a Plane

What a dreadful excuse for a movie. Don't even think about watching this pile of garbage. The actors and actresses seem like they've never worked in front of a camera before. There's no way this movie deserves more than one star, and if it gets a higher rating, it's probably the cast or crew trying to deceive you. English is my second language, and I know I don't speak or write flawlessly. That's why I'm not making movies or writing scripts. But that doesn't seem to stop these amateurs from Germany (or some other German-speaking country). They all sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger in the 70s. Avoid at all costs!

Given the movie's title, of course I wasn't expecting to be in for a grand cinematic experience. And while I had never heard about the movie, and thus didn't really know what I was getting myself into, I still opted to watch the movie, hoping that writer and director would have something grand up his sleave.

The storyline in the movie is straightforward, sure, but also somewhat on the simplistic side, to be honest. Sure, it was a watchable enough movie, but you're not in for anything extraordinary here.

When the plane touched down on the runway, I was impressed. I've never seen or heard about a runway that was the length of that one. It just went on and on. I guess writer and director Ezra Tsegaye was not familiar with the fact that runways at airports are not infinite in length.

The dialogue in the movie was pretty brutal to sit through. It felt like it was written by a fifth grader. There wasn't much nuance to the language, and it was rather cringeworthy constructed sentences and dialogue in general.

I was not familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, and that was something that spoke in favor of the movie. I do enjoy watching new talents in movies. The acting performances in the movie were fair; nothing grand or outstanding, but fair enough. One of the actresses had such horribly bleached white teeth that they even put Ross Geller's teeth to shame, in that one particular episode of "Friends" where he had his teeth bleached. It was hard to look away from her teeth whenever she spoke, because the teeth was a shade of white that almost was blinding to look at.

The practical special effects in the movie were actually quite good, but they were rather ruined by the lousy added on layer of CGI blood, because the CGI rendered blood was so fake that even a deceased blind guy would go "really now?" Sure, there was also practical blood effects, which were good, but the scenes with the laughable CGI rendered blood was just rubbish to witness.

The creature in the movie sort of looked like writer and director Ezra Tsegaye was heavily paying homage to the "Critters" movies.

"Monster on a Plane" is hardly a movie that I will watch a second time. It is a semi-watchable movie, sure, but hardly an outstanding or memorable viewing experience.

My rating of "Monster on a Plane" lands on a generous four out of ten stars.

This film is the best mix of entertainment and fun I've seen in a long time. First of all, the camera and special effects are simply marvellous. CGI has obviously been skilfully used, but the monsters have been specially built and are not digitally produced, so they look particularly real. The shots are so fantastically done, the scenery so incredibly well created, that this small independent film can really hold its own aesthetically with the blockbusters without any problems. Just look at the aeroplane! Not only is the interior design an absolutely convincing imitation of a real aeroplane, but the ceiling and floor are also completely coherent and look absolutely real. This really is film art at a very, very high level. The story is funny, cheeky and tries to cleverly incorporate a series of film quotes. It brings to mind "Snakes on a Plane" or "Critters", only realised in a much more exciting, witty and aesthetically pleasing way. The cinematic Hollywood look, which is not at all familiar from German cinema, is simply so well executed that it leaves you speechless. To be able to be entertaining and at the same time realise an independent film in such a way that is really in no way inferior to the blockbusters impressed me deeply. The acting is also remarkable. German stars such as Eva Habermann and Dieter Landuris gave their best, and Fred Aaron Blake and Phillipe Brenninkmeyer also stand out. In particular, the acting performance of model Kim Kelly stands out, who has probably ventured into the acting profession for the first time and has done it so absolutely skilfully. But really the best and most remarkable thing was the cinematography. Ezra Tsegaye and Kristina Schippling did an exceptional job here.

Horror-comedies often thrive on absurd premises, but it's the execution, particularly in tone and humour, that determines their success. Monster on a Plane teased a fun ride with its trailer, promising gore and a cheeky tone. But does the film deliver on that promise?

Well, that depends on your tolerance for low-budget genre fare. The creature's rampage is mildly entertaining, and the film shows occasional flashes of inventiveness. However, the decision to shoot a German production in English backfires somewhat as the dialogue, acting and line delivery is absolutely brutal to get through. May be this one works better with the German language track.

In more capable hands, this could have been a gleefully chaotic cult hit. As it stands, it's a curious misfire with moments of charm buried beneath its many flaws.

Is he too old for that ... stuff? No pun intended and yes I know it's a famous line from a different actor! That's the fun with this - and if you had an issue with the joke I made ... well I should warn you, the quality of jokes in this movie ... and the quality of "acting" (intended and not) ... well there may not be a bottom to that barrel - just saying and warning.

Still if you suspend your disbelief and like movies with blood (and some nudity), with terrible one liners and a lack of a script ... well you could do worse I reckon ... which might have been funnier too than whatever it is we got here.

Still the actors know what they are in (movie wise but also sometimes body wise) ... and the monster that also is practical (to see and to touch as you may say) ... well quite the critter .. well it is what it is ... and you should know by the name of the title what you will be getting.