Gap tung kei hap

ICEMAN is Donnie Yen's much-lauded remake of the Yuen Biao-starring '80s martial arts classic, THE ICEMAN COMETH. It sees Ming bodyguard Yen and a couple of his foes frozen in time and transported to the present day, where they continue their battle to the death while coming to terms with modern-day society.

I thought the original film was pretty good, with the reliable Yuen Wah as the villain and some great action, although it's not a favourite of mine. However, it's far, far better than this unfocused and messy comedy which sees Yen at his very worst. It's similar to THE EMPEROR AND THE WHITE SNAKE in that all of the action is augmented with endless wirework and dodgy CGI which makes for a very boring viewing experience overall. My favourite Yen films are the realistic ones like IP MAN and FLASH POINT, not the stupid CGI fantasy on offer here.

ICEMAN is overlong and overly pointless, with lots of random scenes that don't go anywhere. It's also offensive, with gross-out lowbrow comedy seemingly shoehorned in at random, and ethnic stereotypes cast throughout as the villains. Yen is on autopilot, as is Simon Yam, but the rest of the cast are plain awful. Particularly Huang Shengyi (THE EMPEROR AND THE WHITE SNAKE); I really can't understand how she keeps getting work as an actress.

I have been a Donnie Yen fan every since I saw him in the first Ip Man film. Now every time I see a Donnie Yen film shown locally (which is not often), I try to catch it. Last year, he shifted his fighting style from elegant Wing Chun to gritty MMA in the film called "Special ID". This year, Yen turns to fantasy fighting in "Iceman".

Mainly "Iceman" was about a group of four friends who are high officials in the Imperial Guards during the Ming Dynasty. Three of them frame He Ying with conspiring with Japanese pirates, leading to his execution. As he tries to escape, he gets caught in an avalanche, gets cryogenically preserved, only to wake up in present day Hong Kong. Two of his traitor "friends" also wake up with him to continue their 400 year old fight.

He Wing is a kind and helpful guy, especially to the girl who took him in, May. He even helps May with her invalid mother currently in a nursing home. He Wing is also on some sort of quest, searching for the key to the so-called Golden Wheel of Time, an ancient time machine of sorts. Furthermore there is a group of corrupt cops who are after the three frozen Ming guys to sell to a North Korean buyer. All these plot lines could not really be settled in one film, as the ending obviously pointed towards a sequel.

Acting is cheesy. The comedy is lowbrow, slapstick with jokes about various body functions. The best parts of the film are still the fight scenes, even if the style was old-fashioned with a lot of obvious wire work. The climactic fight scene is the awesome three-way in the middle of a suspension bridge, with chains vs. sword vs. battle axe. Exciting stuff, though it went a bit overboard with its length.

"Iceman" begins with a ship carrying what looks like three cryogenic tubes. Then, in a flashback, a Chinese officer is being accused of conspiring with the dreaded Japanese pirates back in the 17th century. However, when the Emperor of China's men try to apprehend him, his is transported to the present day Hong Kong--and you realize he's one of the guys in the cryo tubes. Here in the 21st century, he's out of place but also amazingly clever and helpful. I liked this part of the film. Soon, however, he's caught up in all sorts of intrigues and it all has to do with the Golden Wheel of Time and the god Shiva's penis (I am serious about this last part) and a bazillion cops trying to kill him. Can this visitor from the past take on a HUGE army of cops and win?

When "Iceman" began, it felt a lot like I'd seen this sort of plot in another film. The French film "Les Visiteurs" (remade in the US as "Just Visiting") is a silly film where the hero is magically transported many centuries into the future. Here in the present, the knight is completely out of his element and is a bumbler. The film is played strictly for laughs. Here with "Iceman", however, when the soldier is magically transported into the future, he inexplicably is like superman! Not only does he possess nearly god-like fighting and intellectual powers at times, but he also seems to magically understand technology--and he inexplicably uses the internet and destroys surveillance cameras! To me, none of this really made a lot of sense. How could a man from centuries before know how to do an internet search or understand what cameras are?! For me, this was a big problem with Iceman--it just didn't make a lot of sense. If a man is somehow transported to today from the distant past, the comical way "Les Visiteurs" handled it seems much, much more likely--with the guy drinking from toilets and getting into one problem after another. Instead, it goes from being a bit charming to being very confusing and very violent. Then, it becomes a huge, explosive finale where there are tons of explosions and violence and mindless mayhem. The charm just doesn't last very long.

So is it worth seeing? Well, if you have nothing better to do...sure. But as I mentioned above, quite a bit about the hero just didn't make a lot of sense in "Iceman". Instead, while I never loved "Les Visiteurs", I'd recommend you see it over "Iceman".

Why is Donnie Yen doing something so idiot? Apart for some decent fight scenes, the plot is stupid, the acting is superficial, the comedy side is really low level, and the end, is it a joke? I never EVER in my all life saw ANY film ending worst than that! It makes absolutely NO SENSE at all. I cannot spoil it, but I at least warn you, because personally I can tolerate a mediocre film if at least the end makes a sense, and I can accept with sadness a good film which ends badly, but it makes me very angry if after losing time with a stupid movie I am given what probably is the worst end in the history of Cinema! Donnie Yen, if you have to keep going on like this, just stop acting and let us remember you for your good films.

EDIT: I have found out that they are supposed to make a sequel. 1) they could and should have made it VERY CLEAR since the beginning, that this was a movie in two parts. 2) nevertheless, there is NO WAY that this end can be acceptable. Under no possible excuse or circumstance.

Donnie Yen is in my opinion the best martial arts movie-star out there right now, especially since Jackie Chan and Jet Li have slowed down and Tony Jaa is only just now getting off to a shaky start with the poorly reviewed Tom Yum Goong 2.

That being said, it's a major disappointment that Donnie Yen's latest, "Iceman", is a miss for the now middle aged (not that you can tell) martial arts master.

Iceman is directionless, confusing, poorly paced, and makes very poor use of Donnie Yen's truly impressive and astonishing martial arts skills. The script is a fish out of water/man out of his time type story, that we've seen before, with nothing new to offer. Some other reviewers have drawn comparisons between this and the Marvel Comics character Captain America, and I can assure the only similarity is that both are frozen men who wake up in different time periods. Rip Van Winkle is the same story but is that also similar?

No, Iceman is in a league of it's own poor storytelling, a remake of a previous film with the same premise from the 80's, this rehash has totally juvenile humour that always misses it's mark, a contrived love story, and a main character capable of ridiculous things with little to no explanation. Captain America is at least explained to have a DNA altering serum in his body, learning Kung Fu doesn't make you superhuman.

They don't even make good use of the fish-out-of-water story and Yen's character adjusts to modern times with ridiculous ease and little incident. Granted, some of the humor may have been lost in translation for me, however I'll say that other foreign comedies, like those of the great Stephen Chow, are always great for a laugh in my book.

Absolutely don't go into this thinking you'll see Donnie Yen kick any kind of butt in major degree, the few fight scenes this movie does have are poorly constructed, filled with bad CGI, and nothing new or close to his potential.

Iceman is like the ice-age altogether, worth avoiding.