Bikini Spring Break

Add or or two starts if you are watching it late at night, changing channels while doing so, only watch a few decent segments (like the beginning locker room scene) or are drunk.

This is not high art. It is boring in large doses. But, relatively painless in small doses and a few of the women are nice on the eyes as well as pleasant enough actresses. And, you have Robert Carradine who earns his paycheck while mostly retaining his dignity.

A few reviews gave this a crummy rating. But, really, what does one expect of this sort of straight to um DVD / cable stuff? On a curve, I'd give it three stars.

Please read in a slow sad and depressed voice.

I don't think I'll ever comprehend the mind of a woman, and why they do these things. Once again this film caters to social degenerates who never got any in the real. Or frat boy douche bags. There's no story, except woman get naked and wet and act like complete sluts. That's the moral of this film, women are objects that serve one purpose to men. The characters are portrayed as complete morons, but that's what makes them completely realistic. It's a bad movie, front and back. In fact, it's not even a movie, but more of a girls gone wild feature length film. These types of movie really make me question life, and if I should ever even get involved with another human being, the safe bet is no, keep doing what your doing. The film has no plot, no nothing. There is a reason why stuff like this is free on the internet, and why it should be kept away from film.

This movie saddens me deeply, but everything portrayed in the film is 100 percent realistic, so people don't need a paycheck to do this kind of stuff. I honestly tied not to fast forward through it, but it was mentally abusive, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Here is a sad and depressing review, as always, stay away from this film. Unless you're a fan of Asylum films, then knock your self out. Seriously.

From the cover DVD photo you can tell that the girls are as old as Saggy Maggie, and the one with the red wig is chubby as hells. Comedy my asshole. Keep looking if you want to watch a sexy comedy. There are two things that I do not do...guys and this movie. OMG why did I watch this movie for almost 22 minutes? My rabbit was recharging, and I needed to kill some time. The old and dated "Bikini Carwash Company" and "Bikini Summer" do a better blowjob of movie entertainment than this piece of poo-poo. Yes, I said it. Poo-poo and Doo-Doo is what this movie makes me think of when it is on the television. If there had been some "2Girls1Cup" action going' on in this one, at least it would have been shocking. Next time, just go for the gold and watch "Showgirls" 1995 with Jesse Spano. It's a guaranteed full on c-chubby.

Bikini Spring Break doesn't reach the atrocious depths that Celebrity Sex Tape and especially Sex Pot fell into. It is still a dire movie though, in fact none of the Asylum teen comedies are remotely good with Barely Legal being the least bad(and personal ranking for that movie was 3/10). The only things that stop Bikini Spring Break from being rated any lower are Robert Carradine, the best and only actor in the movie to reach decent level and the beauty of Rachel Alig. Other than that the acting is just awful, there is next to no knack for comic timing and like the other teen comedies from the Asylum the girls are hot but their acting talents certainly do not match. That's not all that bad in Bikini Spring Break. The characters are not interesting or likable in the slightest and are just plain obnoxious. The dialogue is the very meaning of crass and unfunny as well as unbelievably stupid. The story just isn't there and is little more than an excuse to string along tired comedy and nudity scenes, never does it seem to go anywhere. The direction also seems to be non-existent, it reads of just do what you think you can do best and we'll capture it on screen quality, and seems to be reliant on the actors rather than the dialogue. Seeing as the acting is bad, that was a failure. The production values look cheap, the scenery and lighting look over-saturated and plastic-looking, and the editing was clearly done by an amateur. The soundtrack and such is not particularly memorable and does very little in driving the movie, it just seems...there for the sake of having to be there. All in all, not the worst of the Asylum teen comedies but still dire. 2/10 Bethany Cox

Talking about movies that are absolutely going nowhere...even within its genre this movie is being an extremely bad one, without any true creativity and fun to it.

It honestly still could had worked out all. I mean, it had a pretty decent concept, that at least provided the movie with plenty of opportunity to put in some fun and adventurous moments. But I don't know, it just doesn't feel at all as if the movie was trying to be any good. Everyone involved was just probably happy they were working and receiving a paycheck for it and absolutely none of them made any effort to turn this movie into an even remotely good or entertaining one.

The main problem with the movie is that it never feels like its going anywhere with its story. Stuff just happens, often without an apparent reason and basically nothing feels connected or as if it's building up for anything to happen. It makes the movie feels like it's going absolutely nowhere with its story or characters and it actually also turns it into a very tiresome movie, that begins to annoy after a while.

There is also a serious problem with the movie its comedy. It just isn't being all that funny or clever at all. It's some incredibly formulaic stuff, that besides gets poorly delivered by its cast. It also often goes on for far too long. They stretch certain comedy sequences out for as long as possible, perhaps in an attempt to still let it work out as something funny.

You'll most likely have a very hard time caring about anything that happens in this movie. This is also because of its characters, that are far from likable enough and just too often are being far too stupid. It's fine for these sort of movies to have 1 or 2 stupid characters in it but basically every single person in this movie is being a moron. It of course makes this movie and all of its events far from likely ones but what is far worse is that it makes the movie all the more annoying to watch as well, also because it just doesn't add anything good to the movie its comedy.

Seriously, with a tad bit more creativity this movie at least could had been somewhat bearable and watchable for certain age-groups but it now instead is a movie I consider to be absolute trash and it's not worth one single second of your time.

I really don't easily say this but you are an absolute moron if you like this movie!

2/10

http://bobafett1138.blogspot.com/