- [Alan is test driving a Range Rover]
- Alan Partridge: Kids like to go to the zoo but the beasts I like to look at are made of zinc galvanised steel - they're cars.
- Darren Grange: Still, there's peace of mind in knowing that if you do want to go offroad she won't let you down.
- Alan Partridge: "He". I'm not driving a girl.
- [Alan has spotted an old school teacher and gone over to talk to him. The camera stays in the car, filming him talking and gesturing enthusiastically to a bemused old man in a mobility scooter - we don't hear what he says. He returns to the car and sits for a few moments, looking a bit emotional]
- Alan Partridge: [narrating] I was pleased that a chance encounter with a former teacher allowed us both to catch up clear the air. Old 'Cragg-a-toa' could be a bit of a bully but he knew his onions, chemistry-wise. Without him, words like magnesium alloy or copper sulphate would be as meaningless to me as made-up ones like 'coolm' or 'breest'.
- [out loud]
- Alan Partridge: He was a real c**t.