The Adventures of Beatle

Review: What a boring, uninteresting movie! The movie seemed cheap and the storyline was awful. With a title like, Guns For Hire, I was expecting some form of action, especially as Jeffrey Dean Morgan is holding a gun on the cover but there's no action at all. Its about a suicidal blonde, Athena (Ever Carradine), who hires a tow truck driver/assassin, Beatle (Michele Hicks) to kill her. As Athena has no money, she signs over an insurance policy to Beatle, which will pay for the assassination. While there waiting for the paperwork to come through, Athena moves in with Beatle and they start to become close, even though the situation is slightly warped. Beatle regularly sees a psychiatrist, Dr. Vanderark (Orlando Jones), who thinks that her whole assassin story is in her mind and she has a strange relationship with a hooker/stripper, Carla (Sarah Shahi), who actually has feelings for her. They also have a brutal hit-man on there tail, Bruce (Jeffrey Dean Morgan), who is hired by Athena's crooked previous employer, Kyle (Ben Mendelsohn). On top of that, Detective Holt, Raffaello Degruttola is following Athena and Beatles every move and he builds a case to try and stop Beatle in her tracks. Sounds exciting but it really wasn't. Most of the footage is about Athena and Beatles relationship, which is quite boring but the major twist at the end was surprising. I personally did lose interest after a while and the acting was quite bad from the two leading characters. I was expecting more from Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Ben Mendelsohn, who usually put in decent performances but the awful script didn't bring the best out of them. I couldn't really see the comedy side of the movie because there wasn't any wit in the script at all but I did stick with the plot because I really couldn't see were the film was going. When all was revealed I still wasn't that impressed so it has to get the thumbs down from me. Disappointing! 

Round-Up: This is the first and only movie directed and written by Donna Robinson, who really didn't do a good job with this film. There's a few unnecessary lesbian scenes and there wasn't much depth to any of the characters, which made if feel like this movie was made without much thought. There were some good actors on board, who really got wasted because of the awful storyline, so it has to go down as a bad day at the office.

I recommend this movie to people who are into their drama/thriller/comedies starring Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Ben Mendelsohn, Tony Shalhoub, Orlando Jones, Ever Carradine, Michele Hicks, Sarah Shahi and Ivvana Milicevic. 2/10

I'll never know whether the story was interesting because I couldn't get past the pacing of the dialog: it's as though the actors were just taking turns saying words aloud, with an interminable beat between each turn.

Obviously a number of the actors and actresses went on to better gigs and enjoy successful careers, but this wasn't fun.

I'll never know whether the story was interesting because I couldn't get past the pacing of the dialog: it's as though the actors were just taking turns saying words aloud, with an interminable beat between each turn.

Obviously a number of the actors and actresses went on to better gigs and enjoy successful careers, but this wasn't fun.

Considering a somewhat acceptable rating of 5.4/10 and how absolutely awful and embarrassment of a movie this is to everyone involved, I can only come to the conclusion that the higher ratings were from either people directly involved or people that were paid to fix the rating (their are legitamite businesses that specialises in that).

I don't know what got somewhat respectable actors like Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Orlando Jones and Tony Shalhoub to appear in this tired crapfest, and based on their performances (which are their worst of their careers by far) I can only suspect that they were dared into making appearances in it or something.

The reason I gave it a 2 instead of a 1 is because I have to be honest, I stopped watching halfway through, there was literally nothing that was remotely interesting. Not even the terribly constructed cheesy lesbian sex-scenes (which starts already by the startcredits of the film) could keep my interest.

Oh yeah the movie was filmed 10 years ago, but no company wanted to release it. Then Jeffrey Dean Morgan got signed on for a role on the biggest TV show on earth THE WALKING DEAD, and what do you know all of a sudden there was interest enough to release it and so it was in the last week of 2015. But he's not the lead for the record and again, truly terrible.

Wow.

From awkward over gesturing not matching emphasis or tone, to children's diagrams in the background of the detective office (like you need a diagram to visually map out the relationships between 3 people), to the poorly worded phrases like "in your infinitely wise logic that i'm too cabbage headed to grasp..." and peppered over a lesbian undertone for absolutely no reason.

This is quite possibly one of the worst movies I've ever seen. It is actually bad enough to be funny if you're in good company and the right mood enhancers...

First this first: a lot of people are under the impression that Guns For Hire is an action film. It is not. While there is some action sequences in it, it is really a dark comedy, and a fairly witty one at that.

As a small budget indie film the production is very good. Orlando Jones and Tony Shalhoub originally drew me to this title but it was a pleasant surprise to see Sarah Shahi in the cast as well. I have been a fan of hers since I first saw her in Sleeper Cell.

Without giving too much away, the story moves along nicely without too much padding or unnecessary exposition. The dialog does seem a little overwrought at times but the entire cast does an excellent job. There are some very funny lines in this film, mostly delivered by Jeffery Dean Morgan, that make is clear you are watching a very smart, dark comedy.

Athena (played by Ever Carradine) hires Beatle (Michelle Hicks) to kill her. However, Athena is already being stalked by a killer thanks to some dealings in her past. And that is the set up for the rest of the story. Normally I can pretty much tell how a film like this is going to end but I was pleasantly surprised at this ending. The payoff at the end was worth the wait.

The romance between Athena and Beatle develops naturally and does not seemed rushed or shoehorned in like so many other movies out today. I'm sure there will be some that object to any same sex relationships in films but this one does not seem to be gratuitous of there only for shock value.

With some witty dialogue, solid performances, surprising plot twists and just enough action to keep the story moving Guns For Hire deserves a look.