- Bean Lamonsoff: Confidence. K-O-B-R-Q-V-Y. Confidence.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Well, we're not gonna have to pay for college. That's for sure.
- Lenny Feder: Doctor, wouldn't it be nice if there was a cure for anger?
- Dr. Larry: There is. It's called Jack Daniels.
- Lenny Feder: Another one of your jokes, huh?
- Dr. Larry: I wish.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Okay, Bean, what's 7 plus 9?
- Bean Lamonsoff: 79.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Is he a little boy or a computer? 'Cause I can't figure it out.
- Sally Lamonsoff: Don't destroy his confidence.
- Frat Boy Andy: This is Kappa Eta Sigma property. So you might want to quit perving on our ladies and get back to your trailer homes.
- Lenny Feder: Okay, easy there, Abercrombile. I think it's... I think we've been around here longer than you. Been swimming here since we were eight years old, so you just calm down a little bit.
- Frat Boy Andy: I'm sure it was the bomb! Cranking to your Al Jolsson tunes on your transistor radio. But it's the 21st century now. And Thicky Thick and the Flabber Bunch should never take their shirts off. Never.
- Lenny Feder: That hurts.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Okay, I guess I'm Thicky Thick.
- Lenny Feder: Yeah, well, I don't like being in the Flabby Bunch, either.
- Eric Lamonsoff: You're a genius? My boy's a genius.
- [burpsnarts]
- Eric Lamonsoff: Your dad's also a genius.
- [last lines]
- Lenny Feder: I did it! I burpsnarted! Yes!
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: Lenny, grow up!
- Lenny Feder: I did it for the baby!
- Eric Lamonsoff: Whoa. Okay, you sure you want to go with those boots, honey? I know you bedazzled them yourself. I'm just wondering if they'll attract too much attention, you know, from outer space.
- Donna Lamonsoff: It's the last day of school, and Mom said I'm free to express myself.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Oh, building the confidence right there with R2-D2.
- [first lines]
- [a deer walks into the bedroom]
- Lenny Feder: Sweetheart.
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: Mmm?
- Lenny Feder: Go over to the window right now and open it as wide as you can.
- Roxanne Chase-Feder: Please let me sleep.
- Lenny Feder: I think your mother's here from Mexico, and she needs to leave. Open the window now.
- Eric Lamonsoff: Hold up. Hang on. I got a burpsnart coming up.
- [burps, sneezes and farts]
- Lenny Feder: You got to teach me how you do that.
- Eric Lamonsoff: A burpsnart? It's simple. You just start with a burp, then you sniff with a sneeze, you get the going, and that triggers a fart, always.
- Beefcake Kitty: Kids don't belong in here. That leash better not trip me up.
- Deanne McKenzie: Leash isn't gonna trip you up. It's your big-ass, hairy man feet that are gonna trip you up.
- Becky Feder: How long ago was the '80s?
- Keithie Feder: That was way back in the 1900s. We learned about it in school. It was wack. The phones had long, curly things coming out of the end. You had to watch commercials.
- Becky Feder: No way.
- Kurt McKenzie: Hey, Wiley! How's it going?
- Wiley: Oh, just two years of this.
- [Wiley lifts up his arms as he had in his casts from the first movie]
- Wiley: And I still only have 40% of feeling. But other than that, I'm fine.
- Kurt McKenzie: No, Rihanna's fine. You just teach driver's ed.
- Lenny Feder: Lenny Feder- I used to get 10 cases of beer for my parties. Now I get 10 cases of juice boxes.
- Greg Feder: It's all good.
- Dickie Bailey: "It's all good"? It's a family restaurant, not a rap show.
- Greg Feder: It's all bad?
- Dickie Bailey: That's right, it is.
- [Roxanne has told Lenny that she is pregnant.]
- Lenny Feder: Wait a minute, when we did even have... ..
- [Lenny takes a minute to remember.]
- Lenny Feder: Oh. Damn you Motel 6 hot tub!