1313: Giant Killer Bees!

This is possibly the worst thing I have ever seen. Soft core porn with a bunch of actors who all look alike and really bad CGI. The director films ENDLESS scenes of the actors showering and lying on their beds fondling themselves. I mean the scenes go one forever!! Way past the point of being erotic or remotely interesting. Who takes a shower for 10 minutes?? In Southern California with a water shortage? And then a giant killer bee attacks them and turns them into zombies? Seriously, my head hurts.

The actors ARE very pretty, if you like pretty men. And one of them even dreams he is straight and EWWW kisses a girl. But there IS a really hot black guy. And everyone wears tight white boxer briefs if you're into that.

I only watched maaaybe 20 minutes of this, and I couldn't tell you what I saw. If there was an actual plot, I think the porn star wannabes who make up the cast murdered it and buried it out at sea.

It was definitely a horror. Masquerading as a porno? A really awkward, PG13-ish porno.

There was A killer bee. About 30 seconds of one, anyway. Some wooden acting in the first ten minutes or so by actors who probably could have been replaced by trees and nobody would notice.

Oh, and the porn star wannabe who spent the last ten of those minutes sprawled out on the bed rubbing his hands all over his chest in a vain effort to appear erotic. Only the fact that his socks kept magically popping on and off his feet was way more interesting. HE was just awkward and uncomfortable. Like, dude, take your meds or something, k?

I dunno, the view kept switching to some yellow effect which was obviously this stupid CGI bee's point of view, and I assumed said bee was gonna fly in the conveniently-opened door and sting the guy, but it seemed way more interested in being a voyeur and just watching. Maybe it was trying to figure out where the hell this guy's socks kept popping off to?

Anyway, I finally lost interest in the magic socks and turned off the movie because BORED AF, but from reading the other reviews (which, note to self: do that FIRST next time), the entire movie seems to be pretty much just this. Clearly, I'm not missing anything. But I DO wonder if that guy ever gets his socks to stay properly on his feet. Maybe gluing them would help?

This is supposedly about some ultra buffed up 'scientists' who all go off to a Caribbean Hide away to research why bees are turning rubbish at pollinating plants and stuff. They are all interns or something and the boss guy sends his right hand man in to ensure they are doing 'research'.

Then he gives them a dose of something and they go all 'killer bee' etc. Meanwhile the scientists all run around in their under garments playing with themselves and looking buff. That is basically it. The dialogue is terrible the acting and delivery of the lines is worst than infant school nativity with all the actors (I am using that word with a lot of poetic licence by the way) saying their lines as if they are not related to any lines that have preceded them – a bit like acting in a vacuum; and I wish they all were in some sort of sound proof chamber as it would have made the viewing experience a tad more tolerable.

The plot then meanders off with bad cgi and more wandering around in their underwear. The sets are terrible the so called laboratory is just a ropey kitchen and the buildings look like they were inspired by Cuban urban neglect. Regarding the 'players'; I have seen more chemistry at a rush hour bus stop and the music is just wrong. It is all action packed and over dramatic even when there is zilch happening. The only reason I managed to watch all of this is because I was squiffy and kept laughing – sadly this is not really meant to be a comedy, but I think with a bit of editing they could have had a half decent comedy of sorts on their hands; instead this is one to avoid.

It took me a long time to get around to watching this one. I'm not a fan of seeing bees as predators in movies. Thankfully, the CGI in this one is well done. The bees did not look cheesy, which was my fear going into this one. The film makes good use of Puerto Rican locations, although the most interesting thing about it is the audio commentary when the director reveals he was looking for locations that his mentor Roger Corman had shot at decades ago. Some scenes go on too long, as other reviewers have stated. Great looking cast, and good looking bees.