The Coven

I gave it a "2" because it simply isn't the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's pretty lousy. I knew we were in for a stink-fest when the movie opened with a guy dressed up like Doctor Who teaching a class on Wicca and then a witch comes in and her eyes turn red and bulgy. It looked like something out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The CG was pretty bad and the acting was subpar. The plot is almost nonexistent.

This is not the kind of movie I would watch unless someone made me. If someone makes you watch this film, then they probably hate you.

As has been stated elsewhere, this is basically a "found footage" film. (Why do they keep remaking Blair Witch Project? I understand that it's much cheaper to disguise poorly shot digital footage as "amateur video" but hasn't this run the course yet? Why was Paranormal Activity able to turn a profit and command a series of sequels? Why do people pay to watch mediocrity? Am I reading too deep into this?)

Anyway, I never found out what happened to the girls. I stopped caring long before.

The woods at night. A bunch of teenagers up for a bit of fun and some truth in the historical facts of this story all make for a horror film that is safe for your Tween to watch. My daughter loves the Mackie twins and of course wants to watch anything with them in so I was relieved to find the story, which has it's base in reality, provided a gentle horror with no gore or unnecessary bad language and she really enjoyed it. Judging by the credits this film looks to be something of a family affair! I kind of liked the idea of a family spending time together making a film. I also liked Dexter Fletcher and his Harry Potter style classroom. Clearly a low budget film, there were no earth shattering special effects or graphics, just honest and basic story telling.

This was one of the worst movies I have seen. Boring and a total waste of time.

Some of the information mentioned in the film (which I wont give away) was completely and utterly stupid and wrong. That aside, the film wasted too much time on the girls when it could have spent more time giving the audience more of the history of what actually happened in the past.

There were times where I felt that the girls didn't feel like acting and slurred their lines, sometimes a little difficult to understand as well.

The teenage boy (where the hell did they find this one) was not convincing and you just wanted him to vanish.

Finally, there were scenes where you were able to piece together the story and once you got that, a sigh of relief that you made it through to the end. It was hard and managed to keep my hands away from the remote control. The stop button was calling out to me.

Blair Witch meets The Craft ...... School girls vs the mystery in the woods. Nothing new, nothing interesting and nothing special.

Watch your cat sleeping, it's more entertaining.

I hope none of the Mackie clan are allowed near a film unit or a typewriter again if this is the sort of dross they produce. Grange Hill with Neopagan mythos strewn clumsily throughout was the end result. Dexter Fletcher's turn and the stunning Magda Rodriguez as the sinister Mrs Belial are about the only saving graces in this steaming heap of dross. All in all you'd be better off watching some old Dramarama episodes on You Tube or Children of the Stones than this rubbish if you're looking for a real British chill. It is a shame as there is so much potential in ancient British Pagan folklore which film makers only seem to totally make a total hash of.

Really, this is a dire film. The story could have been good, but the implementation was well below par.

All the Mackie twins did throughout the film was mumble their lines (so much so much of what they said was incomprehensible) and obviously try to avoid eye contact with the camera. Absolutely no acting skill whatsoever. Obviously they were cast because it seems their mother and father made the film - as was another member of the family.

The only credible bit of acting from the young cast was from Madeleine Rose Witney who plays Izzie. She is good, and if it were not for her acting skill there would be no interest whatsoever in continuing watching the film to the end.

Dexter Fletcher played his part well, as did the other adults, with the exception of Magda Rodriguez - she was awful.

The story had potential but was very lacking in continuity or substance. We sort of get the idea of what the film is going to be about - and that is it. There is no pulling of the viewer deeper into the story as the film progresses. A bit of an introduction in the classroom and that is it. The viewer spends the rest of the film wondering how the initial story relates to dumb teenagers camping in an urban wood - saying fairly dumb things.

Then there is the 'mysterious biker' in the woods. The character makes no sense other than to corral the teenagers. There is no explanation of why he or she is present or their connection to the coven.

There is one mystery. How did the producers manage to spend an estimated £615,000 on this trashy production! Film students could (and have on many occasions) done a much better job on virtually no budget.

Overall a very, very poor film. It is worse than 'The Hospital', and that was a film I thought was the worst I would see for a long time.