The Coven

I gave it a "2" because it simply isn't the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's pretty lousy. I knew we were in for a stink-fest when the movie opened with a guy dressed up like Doctor Who teaching a class on Wicca and then a witch comes in and her eyes turn red and bulgy. It looked like something out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The CG was pretty bad and the acting was subpar. The plot is almost nonexistent.

This is not the kind of movie I would watch unless someone made me. If someone makes you watch this film, then they probably hate you.

As has been stated elsewhere, this is basically a "found footage" film. (Why do they keep remaking Blair Witch Project? I understand that it's much cheaper to disguise poorly shot digital footage as "amateur video" but hasn't this run the course yet? Why was Paranormal Activity able to turn a profit and command a series of sequels? Why do people pay to watch mediocrity? Am I reading too deep into this?)

Anyway, I never found out what happened to the girls. I stopped caring long before.

Really, this is a dire film. The story could have been good, but the implementation was well below par.

All the Mackie twins did throughout the film was mumble their lines (so much so much of what they said was incomprehensible) and obviously try to avoid eye contact with the camera. Absolutely no acting skill whatsoever. Obviously they were cast because it seems their mother and father made the film - as was another member of the family.

The only credible bit of acting from the young cast was from Madeleine Rose Witney who plays Izzie. She is good, and if it were not for her acting skill there would be no interest whatsoever in continuing watching the film to the end.

Dexter Fletcher played his part well, as did the other adults, with the exception of Magda Rodriguez - she was awful.

The story had potential but was very lacking in continuity or substance. We sort of get the idea of what the film is going to be about - and that is it. There is no pulling of the viewer deeper into the story as the film progresses. A bit of an introduction in the classroom and that is it. The viewer spends the rest of the film wondering how the initial story relates to dumb teenagers camping in an urban wood - saying fairly dumb things.

Then there is the 'mysterious biker' in the woods. The character makes no sense other than to corral the teenagers. There is no explanation of why he or she is present or their connection to the coven.

There is one mystery. How did the producers manage to spend an estimated £615,000 on this trashy production! Film students could (and have on many occasions) done a much better job on virtually no budget.

Overall a very, very poor film. It is worse than 'The Hospital', and that was a film I thought was the worst I would see for a long time.

...as an example of why nepotism needs to be completely eradicated for the good of humanity.

Watching this, I found myself wondering why whoever was in charge of the casting for this film had hired 3 kids with no acting ability whatsoever alongside a bunch of noticeably more competent actors.

Cynically I thought to myself "meh, the kids in question are probably related to the casting director or something". So as soon as this dreadful film finally came to an end, I popped onto IMDb to check if my suspicions were correct.

Indeed they were, in fact it seems this entire film was something of a family project; the director being John Mackie, the writer being Jayney Mackie, and the three similarly talentless kids being Cloe Mackie, Holly Mackie, and Billy Red Mackie. Oh and there's even a Rory Mackie listed as the "digital imaging technician".

A crappy film is one thing, but depressingly this also reflects one of the biggest problems we face as a species in this day and age: many people performing the most important jobs in the world are only there because of family connections and inherited wealth, titles and opportunities, rather than getting there on their own merit.

So thank you to The Mackie Family for spearheading this deepest of social problems that our world is currently riddled with; I realise it wasn't your intention to do so, but your efforts illustrate beautifully why this rigged and unjust system needs to be destroyed by any means necessary.

I don't even know why I watched this, I mean from the first 5 minutes the acting quality was at an all time low, along with the poor scripting. I have honestly seen better media projects recorded by high school students. Sometimes I wish we could give a 0/10. Why Dexter Fletcher agreed to be in this I really have no understanding, work cannot be that hard to come by you'd put appear in this. And then to see why it's a family project just makes me feel like they didn't take time or effort to cast some better people. This could have gone so right but it went so wrong, just because either overly estimated ambition from the director/writer.

I hope none of the Mackie clan are allowed near a film unit or a typewriter again if this is the sort of dross they produce. Grange Hill with Neopagan mythos strewn clumsily throughout was the end result. Dexter Fletcher's turn and the stunning Magda Rodriguez as the sinister Mrs Belial are about the only saving graces in this steaming heap of dross. All in all you'd be better off watching some old Dramarama episodes on You Tube or Children of the Stones than this rubbish if you're looking for a real British chill. It is a shame as there is so much potential in ancient British Pagan folklore which film makers only seem to totally make a total hash of.