Zombie Massacre

I'm a die hard zombie flick fan, and although I prefer the absolute classics and have probably seen every movie belonging to this genre, I will admittedly sit through any mindless zombie movie in the hopes of finding a hidden gem amongst the horrific (excuse the pun) and endless stream of movies that continue to be released that follow the same old plot lines and use the same old effects.

This is my first review, which should give some indication to how much I wanted to express my disgust of this 'movie'. I'm all for the ol' 'biohazard dust storm' storyline that causes every human in its wake to turn into rotting, caniverous corpses (especially those who move extremely fast as opposed to those lurching slowly across fields at a tenth of the speed of any potential victims), but the fact that the plot line is extremely boring, poorly explained, predictable and full of holes is only a small part of the insult of this film, the main being the absolutely horrible acting of EVERY cast member - Where did they find these people???!!!! And the fact that although the majority of the characters are supposed to be allies and mostly American, there would be at least 12 different accents spread over all of the characters!! If your American President cant even have a passable American accent (in this case the A.P sounds Slovakian or at least of eastern European descent) you're really scraping the bottom layer of the bitumen thats underneath the barrel! You then have the secretary of state who starts off with a 'British' accent which even then deteriorates and morphs throughout the film. Apart from the accents, every part and actor is absolutely cringeworthy.... and just when you think it cant get worse...surprise surprise, the characters and their 'performances' become even more appalling.

Even the assembly of so called 'masters of their art' (Bomb expert, 'swordstress', sharpshooter) look as if they haven't even had a minutes' training or any experience in their area of mastery, making even the somewhat essential violence that's really required when making a zombie movie, absolutely comical, ridiculous and laughable in this case.

After having written what I have so far, I'm even starting to regret wasting further time on this abomination. The 'million dollar budget'stated in the fims statistics can clearly be broken down after watching the movie. $998000 has clearly been spent on special effects and making zombies look as disgusting and 'real' as possible (the only tiny amount of positive credit I will pay to this movie) the remaining $2000 was obviously then spent on paying for camera equipment, for the usuage of existing sets, and lunches for the so called 'actors' and crew who were obviously not payed a thing, but rather, gotten off the street, their incentive for doing the movie being lunch each day, and the opportunity to put 'I starred in/worked on a C grade movie' on their resumés....which I'm sure none of them would do, due to the shame of being associated with such a hideous and insulting film.

An abomination of a zombie movie even by zombie movie abomination standards.......

General production quality?

Originality: 2 out of 10, mostly for the awesome American accents.

Acting: 3 out of 10, what's with the awesome American accents?

Setting: 0 out of 10. Wait, we're not even in America? But the accents!?

Filming: 5 out of 10. Overall production value was relatively high. They actually wasted money on this!

Special effects: 4 out of 10. Mostly CGI. The crap directors think they can get away with..

Makeup: 7 out of 10. Best part of the film by far.

Action: 3 out of 10. Pretty slow action.

Entertainment value: 4 out of 10. Overall not the most terrible thing I ever watched.

--------------------------

Characters?

4 out of 10 for the two old mercenaries. Good or bad, they got into their parts.

2 out of 10 for the main hero. Dull as sandstone.

1 out of 10 for the bad guy. Just.. completely out of place.

0 out of 10 for the sword-bearing-anime-spin-off-wet-dream. This just screams fetish. It was almost insulting (Commander, sniper, bombs expert and.. ninja?).

1 out of 10 for the professor's "doe-tah" (in non-American accents, it's pronounced as "daughter").

5 out of 10 for the hick. Ya gotta have at least one hick! (best American accent)

1 out of 10 for the hick's mute girlfriend. Lame.. and mute. (no accent)

8 out of 10 for the dog. Best actor by far.

-------------------- Overall score.. 3.2

Some kind of secret US weapon turns the inhabitants of a Romanian town into zombies. The squad sent in to deal with this clustermug are just preposterous. The worst of them, and it's hard to pick, would be the ginger ninja woman who has clearly not had even five minutes training on how to hold her weapon and instead strikes what she undoubtedly thinks are 'dramatic' poses.

The sniper, who supposedly killed 300 men from the same position, uses a bolt action rifle that looks like it last saw service circa the Korean war. I could go on. None of them are actually any good at what they are supposed to be the best at, the sniper for example gets ambushed within 4 seconds of setting up his gun. In total the entire squad expends just over 20 rounds between them before running out of ammunition.

This really is poor. I always watch every movie to the end but in this case I just couldn't do it. What a waste of good effects. The lowest point has to be the president with his thick German accent played by none other than Ewe Boll. Here is how he introduces himself:

"Hi! Ya, it is me. The president. Perhaps you are remembering me?" he says and later wittily adds "Ah I should be having sex with prostitutes! Perhaps I should just press ze red button." I lasted about another 30 minutes before hitting the off button.

Even if you love zombie films don't waste your time, this is just moronic.

This is the first time I bother to write review and I only do it because I am absolutely outrage by this terrible movie. They say Budget: $1.000.000 (estimated)but still waste of money.

John Dunn said "There was one thing worthy of note and that was the make up. The Zombies did look as though some time and effort had gone into them except for when we got a close up on their hands which looked as though they had come from the local joke shop horror section."

I like B movies, SciFi low budget but..... This is one of the worst movies I have ever "tried" to watch. I wonder why they make something like that? Is it a joke or.....are they plane stupid. It is a complete waste of......everything, note even funny just boring crap. Acting -10, story -10, ideas -10, initiative -10 and I could go on like that forever. Absolutely nothing to be positive about, sorry, absolute misery.

I get to vote from 1-10 (but I would give it -10 if it were an option)

Definition of Apocalypse: An event involving destruction on a catastrophic scale. This movie was destroyed by: 1) A truly lousy script. 2) Acting that was not up to school play level. 3) A director who couldn't remember the few lines he had to "act" 4) Characters that a seven year old could have given more depth to. 5) Special effects that wouldn't have made it into a 70's B movie. 6) A lack of continuity throughout. 7) A last ditch attempt to fix the movie with a semi nude scene. Well it didn't fix it, it just made it worse as it made no more sense than the rest of this truly awful movie.

There was one thing worthy of note and that was the make up. The Zombies did look as though some time and effort had gone into them except for when we got a close up on their hands which looked as though they had come from the local joke shop horror section.

Not so much a B movie, more like a Z movie. Don't watch it, you will never get back the 80 minutes you would waste on it.