Zombie Massacre

As far as zombie stuff goes, I generally eat it all up, raw, pardon the pun here. But more than often the stuff that is released in the zombie genre is something that shouldn't necessarily have had seen the light of day.

As is the case with "Apocalypse Z" (aka "Zombie Massacre"). I can only guess that they opted with the "Apocalypse Z" title because of this summers major release "World War Z", especially if the movie is originally titled "Zombie Massacre".

And as much as people whine and complain about Uwe Boll's movies, then I don't have a problem with his movies, direction or production. However, everyone is allowed a swing and a miss every now and then, and this movie sure was a miss.

The storyline is so simple and non-interesting that it is painful to behold as the cast try to stumble through a script that is founded on absolutely nothing solid or serious. A small town has been infected with some kind of toxin that turned the residents into flesh-eating zombies. And a group of hired mercenaries is sent in to clean up. And that is basically it.

What the movie does have working for it in its favor is the make-up and special effects. The zombies do have some really nice-looking gashes and wounds. That was the best part of the entire movie, sadly so.

There were some really bad mistakes throughout the movie as well. Especially as the mercenaries kept on pointing out that they were low on ammunition, but had no problem squandering it on groups of approaching zombies. And I must admit, that it is the first time in my 38 years to have seen a zombie get hit by an empty metal cannister and fall down (dead?) and stop moving. That was just downright idiotic.

As far as zombie movies go, then "Apocalypse Z" has nothing interesting to offer, unless you enjoy pointless stories, bad dialogue and an overall lack of purpose behind the motivation of the movie.

Some kind of secret US weapon turns the inhabitants of a Romanian town into zombies. The squad sent in to deal with this clustermug are just preposterous. The worst of them, and it's hard to pick, would be the ginger ninja woman who has clearly not had even five minutes training on how to hold her weapon and instead strikes what she undoubtedly thinks are 'dramatic' poses.

The sniper, who supposedly killed 300 men from the same position, uses a bolt action rifle that looks like it last saw service circa the Korean war. I could go on. None of them are actually any good at what they are supposed to be the best at, the sniper for example gets ambushed within 4 seconds of setting up his gun. In total the entire squad expends just over 20 rounds between them before running out of ammunition.

This really is poor. I always watch every movie to the end but in this case I just couldn't do it. What a waste of good effects. The lowest point has to be the president with his thick German accent played by none other than Ewe Boll. Here is how he introduces himself:

"Hi! Ya, it is me. The president. Perhaps you are remembering me?" he says and later wittily adds "Ah I should be having sex with prostitutes! Perhaps I should just press ze red button." I lasted about another 30 minutes before hitting the off button.

Even if you love zombie films don't waste your time, this is just moronic.

If their was a 0 for this movie i still don't think that it would serve justice to how God Awful this movie is. For a 1,000,000 budget it was money that should have been spent on helping the poor. The special effects were horrendous, the make up/character costumes etc was just horrible and the acting.................The acting has to be thee top 5 worst i have ever watched. The characters in this movie over acted, had no expressions with their assigned characters, and the character lines/dialogue were just plain stupid and had me shaking my head during the whole movie. The stupid little girl that was the daughter of one of the main characters in this movie just had absolutely no acting skills at all. This movie should not have ever been made, produced or even thought of.

I watch a lot of movies and will usually persevere with most, but I couldn't get past 10 minutes into this movie.

Save your time and money, don't bother with this, its not even B grade, in fact I'm not sure they even have a grade for this type of movie.

You cannot even let this movie run in the background while you do something else, unless that something else involves the use of porcelain and flushing.

Although maybe it could be used as a form of torture or punishment.

DO NOT BOTHER

Hope this saves someone else.

It was bad very bad - the acting was utterly ridiculous it was almost like a comedy and the lines "so many wars , so many women" they truly have to be heard to be believed almost every scene there was a monstrously bad piece of dialogue "You know what a big pile of Shiite with flies around it looks like , I'm going to create a big pile of Shiite" - That was one of the more witty lines of dialogue! I am not joking you really really really have to see this for the dialogue - virtually every line was cringe-worthy.

The main actor was about as dull as Mr Dull McDull from the town of Drab On The Island Of Very Very Tedious. Great name "Jack Stone" - I wonder how many movies have used this combo of hard nut naming convention? I can only presume he was hired not due to his miniscule acting talent but massive manly frame to go with the equally manly hard-nut name!

As for the female sword wielding ninja mute - oh words evade me just watch it and you will see what i mean!

To be fair the Scottish guy was actually quite funny with lines like "gonna slow it down chief I'm getting old" said in that pithy Glaswegian drawl - I am still not sure whether this was by design or pure fluke or perhaps because I empathise with a fellow Glaswegian forced to take part in this carousel of calamity?

Zombie make-up was actually quite good but the whole thing was a disaster and more of a comedy than a serious Zombie flick - view it as a comedy and you might make it through the 1 and a half odd hours of torture!!!

I am giving it three stars just because of the funny Scots mercenary!!! He deserves a badge for making it through this movie as do I!!! Was it meant to be funny and ironic - who knows but it has seriously messed with my head!!!