Secret Mountain Fort Awesome

'The Secret Mountain of Fort Awesome' (2007-2012)

Opening thoughts: This is not by any means a case of me hating it for the sake of everybody else hating it. Cartoon Network were a huge part of childhood and were responsible for some childhood favourites that are still great now(i.e. 'Dexter's Laboratory', 'Courage the Cowardly Dog'). Weird and absurdist humour is fun when executed well, and there were some talented people involved with the voice acting. Plus the concept was a good one, much better than those for most panned Cartoon Network shows.

It is a shame though that a concept that did have promise and did sound quite inventive was wasted by less than unimaginative execution. 'The Secret Mountain of Fort Awesome' is a long way from awesome and is one of Cartoon Network's all time worst. It is on the same level of dreadful that 'Problem Solverz' and 'Angela Anaconda' are on, and makes other abominations like 'Johnny Test' and 'Uncle Grandpa' look like early days 'Steven Universe' (a great show just to say) or something in comparison.

Good things: Nothing is remotely halfway decent here.

Bad things; Where to begin? First and foremost, the animation is eye bleedingly awful. The colours are very garish and flat, editing is often dizzying and lacking tightness and the backgrounds mostly static in detail and rough. Worst of all are the character designs, some of the most hideous ever in an animated show. At best, the music is very forgettable, some of the scoring was very going-through-the-motions composing, while the theme song is as annoying and as amateurish as that for 'Johnny Test' and 'Uncle Grandpa'. Ranking towards the lower end of the list of Cartoon Network show theme songs in terms of memorability and appeal.

A huge problem with the show is that it just isn't funny. Have no problem with weird absurdest humour, but in 'Secret Mountain of Fort Awesome' it constantly felt lazy and like it was trying too hard. Making every obnoxiously cheesy and witless line of dialogue and every increasingly predictable and juvenile sight gag even more forced and contrived. It also depends whether any weirdness has a reason for being weird, but it came over very randomly more often than not. There is a lot of childish humour and most of it is distasteful. The story lines are also heavy in contrivance, randomness and predictability and incredibly light in emotional resonance, fun or sense to the point all three are practically non-existent. Furthermore there is constantly uneven pacing, with some episodes in serious need of more breathing time and others feeling lazy as a result of the comic timing not being as sharp as it could have been.

None of the characters are remotely interesting or likeable, all of them in fact with no exception being irritating beyond belief. The voice acting is also not very good at all, Peter Browngardt's voice is like nails on a blackboard in how grating it is, and it is hard to believe that talented voice actors like Tom Kenny and Grey Griffin would agree to do this (even more surprising was Clive Revill) and somehow they are made to seemingly forget how to emote or be funny. An unforgivable waste.

Closing thoughts: Summing up, this is more like Fort abomination that should remain secret.

1/10.

Oh gee-whiz! Schinkes! Klasky-Csupo John Kricfalusi Joe Murray Donovan Cook Genndy Tartovsky Craig McCracken John R. Dilworth Van Partible Danny Antonucci Greg Miller Butch Hartman Rob Renzetti Bob Boyle Mr Warburton Maxwell Atoms Jan Van Rijselberge! My eyes!!!! My brain!!!! By popular demand, welcome to "Matthew Rants". What happened when Cartoon Network showed cartoons that were funny, creative, imaginative, fun and exciting. When they were pleasant to look at and listen to. The stories were easy to follow. These days they are eyesores and ear-graters. I just don't understand why cartoons these days have messed up story lines, ugly characters, bad animation, irritating voices and grotesque designs. Have you seen THE HUNGER GAMES, the rich folks out there look beautiful, they milk up the beauty and mess around with the style until it is not beautiful, it's ugly. Look at Lady Gaga she looks trashy. How can something awful be praised. It's like the stupid gets rewarded and the smart gets punished. Parents, keep this away from the kids. Kids, save your brain cells, watch Boomerang or CARTOON PLANET. Here's a recommendation T.U.F.F. PUPPY. (I don't know why IMDb bashes T.U.F.F. PUPPY, but read my review, because it's clever and awesome.) Now if you can excuse me, I better hide. I think I see an angry mob of fan-boys coming.

Problem Solverz was one of the bad cartoons featured on Cartoon Network, and while Horace, Roba(he's actually half-human and half- cyborg) and all the other humans(Even that walking pile of crap with an elongated nose named Alfe, who's said to be part human, part dog, and part anteater, though who on earth cares what he looks like more of,which he doesn't look like any of these three) are repulsive, not even their physical flaws and this show are worst than the characters in this pile of ginormous crap. I was bored surfing the internet so I came across Problem Solverz(A show I am very familiar with), so I watched a couple episodes. As strange as it sounds, I found it enjoyable. That said, I don't think it's a great show, but I'd rather watch Problem Solverz than this festering pile of garbage. So anyway, I wanted to check out the reviews for Problem Solverz(because I'm into reviews and criticism for bad shows and movies), and I came across Secret Mountain Fort Awesome. Somehow, I came across this abominable show, and one night, when I was going to bed, I suddenly realized something, "Gee,this show is familiar!" Yes, the only character I remembered from this show is a butt- headed(YES!! Literally butt-headed!!), butt-chinned, butt-abbed and butt-footed(YES!!! EVEN BUTT-FOOTED!!!!!) character named The Fart(apparently an idea created by an immature child)who happens to be one of the most repulsive characters I've ever seen. Not to mention he has feminine eyelashes!! PLEASE!!! Spongebob having female eyelashes is NORMAL. In fact, IT LOOKS GOOD ON HIM!!!! Not so this disgusting character. Then you have a purple alien named Festro who's in his underwear(Come on guys, either make an alien in clothes or don't bother giving him clothes) but I don't want to see him in his underwear. I have OCD and I HATE the thought of imagining what's inside his underwear. PS, I have sexual obsessions(but I don't deliberately think them) that come with OCD, and I find this purple alien in his underwear to be absolutely disgusting. Also, you have an alien with a very big nose who looks like Scrat from Ice Age!!! (Minus the fangs,tail, and brown and tan colors) His name is Slog. He looks like he's high on drugs and a homeless drug addict(yes, I went on the website,here's the link: http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/shows/secret-mountain-fort- awesome/characters/index.html (and it tells you the biography of each of the characters) Slog also scratches on the side of his hip with that stupid look on his face when you go on the website. Prepare for a nasty eyesore. Like the previous two characters that I have mentioned, Slog is disgusting, and I don't need any more proof as to whether this character is disgusting or not. Another very repulsive character is Gweelok, a green wasp-eyed, pimple faced furball with hairy human arms who thinks he's smarter than all his friends(Honestly, I couldn't care less WHO ON EARTH IS SMARTER THAN WHO in this abominable crap fest of a show.) Finally, we have a blue abomination named Dingle who looks like a crazy, blue skinned demon who just got out of the Buddhist's version of hell(If you know about the Buddhist's version of Hell, you'll know what I mean) that he's been in for such a long time. Like all the other characters, this abomination is repulsive, and disgusting. If you take a look at the link I posted, the biography and the characters themselves will tell you all. I never watched the show, I don't know what goes on, and I do not care, so I don't plan on watching this crap any time soon(if ever). You're better off watching Out of Jimmy's Head(which is the least bad out of the three shows mentioned in my review) and Problem Solverz than this super-repulsive bunch of aliens that the crack- induced producers decided to put on television. Unfortunately, the lowest rating I could give is a 1. There should be a 0, for supremely awful. Whatever you do(unless if you have OCD and you have a compulsion to watch this show and/or you're forced at gunpoint), DO NOT WATCH THIS SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really hate this this show so much next to Shimmer and Shine, The Nutshack, and Monster Math Squad. Their was no effort put into this show. Heck, their was one episode where they had a toilet as a teleporter to teleport to another dimension to ally with humans. HOW STUPID IS THAT? That is just sick.

Worst Cartoon Network show from 2011 next to The Problem Solverz this show is very digusting all they do in this show is about talking about gross out jokes, i would rather watch The Amazing World of Gumball better than this crap.