- Roger Ebert - Host: [reviewing "North"] I hated this movie as much as any movie we've ever reviewed in the nineteen years we've been doing this show. I hated it because of the premise, which seems shockingly cold-hearted, and because this premise is being suggested to kids as children's entertainment, and because everybody in the movie was vulgar and stupid, and because the jokes weren't funny, and because most of the characters were obnoxious, and because of the phony attempt to add a little pseudo-hip philosophy with the Bruce Willis character. Now, I think Elijah Wood is a fine young actor, and Rob Reiner, the director, has made one terrific movie after another, so I prefer to consider "North" as just a very unfortunate aberration in these otherwise admirable careers.
- Gene Siskel - Host: Well, I mean, I think you gotta hold Rob Reiner's feet to the fire here. I mean, he's the guy saying this is entertainment. It's deplorable. I mean, there isn't a gag that works. You couldn't write worse jokes if I told you to write worse jokes.
- Roger Ebert - Host: And of course, you could always...
- Gene Siskel - Host: The ethnic stereotyping is appalling.
- Roger Ebert - Host: Yes.
- Gene Siskel - Host: It's embarrassing, you feel unclean as you're sitting there. It's junk. First class junk.
- Roger Ebert - Host: And then the idea that kids could be lured in by television ads to see this movie about a little child who, you know, throws away his parents. He goes shopping for a new set. It's really...
- Gene Siskel - Host: Any subject could be done well. This is just trash, Roger.
- Gene Siskel - Host: Just a little point about "Lassie", which I liked very much: Uh, in the movie, and in a lot of kid's movies, it's the dad who doesn't want the dog. The mean dad. Uh, "Beethoven", remember Charles Grodin, didn't want the dog, here, the dad doesn't want the dog. In real life, it's the dads who DO want the dog, the moms who DON'T want the dog, 'cause the moms are gonna have to do all the work for it! So...
- Roger Ebert - Host: This sounds like it might have just a touch of autobiography to it.
- Gene Siskel - Host: Just might be. But not a collie in our house.
- Roger Ebert - Host: [reviewing "Lassie"] One weak point you have to admit, Gene: The bad people next door...
- Gene Siskel - Host: Yeah?
- Roger Ebert - Host: Frederic Forrest and his two mean little kids are there simply to be the bad people next door. They just act bad all the time, it didn't seem motivated.
- Gene Siskel - Host: Well... they're rich. They're rich. They're not salt of the earth.
- Roger Ebert - Host: Well, that proves it, then.
- Gene Siskel - Host: Absolutely! You know that rich people are bad!
- Roger Ebert - Host: Despite everything, I enjoyed it.
- Gene Siskel - Host: Nicolas Cage and his wife Rosie Perez win the New York Lottery, but that's just the start of their problems in "It Could Happen to You", a boring title but a marvelous, most entertaining movie that I think would be a lot bigger hit with its original title, which sums up its fresh story- this picture was originally called, get this: "Cop Gives Waitress $2 Million Tip". Wouldn't you want to go to see a picture like that? Why did they put the title "It Could Happen to You" on it? Change the title now, make pots of money!