Under the Bed

This movie smells a lot like "Phatasm". Instead of the tall man and the flying spheres you get a smoke machine and a hunchback in a foam-covered wetsuit. There's also an evil dimension with a lot of coloured lamps and sheets. The biggest win however is the angry dad character, whose crowning achievement is the "grow the f.#k up" speech towards the middle of the film. It's hilarious to see him respond to his children in the way that he does. Basically it goes something like this: child: "A demon ate our mommy." Dad: "Get a job." I can't believe the actors went along with dialogue this bad without protesting or at least laughing.

The script could have been written by a pre-school student. Ooh there's like a monster under the bed and you have to sleep on cupboards. You can't touch the floor. And sometimes like the washing machines kind of wobble when it's mad. If you could judge this movie by normal standards I would say one out of ten, but how can you apply a normal scaling when a movie has become so bad it's good? Also to be fair the crew did a good job with the low budget they had for the monster scenes. Especially the heads getting ripped off.

Two brothers, the older of which has returned home after setting his house on fire and inadvertently killing his mother, must do battle against a man in a rubber suit who lives under their bed. Okay, so it's actually a monster, but, when you see it, you'll probably think, 'Oh, there's a man in a rubber monster suit.' Yes, that's the tone of the film.

Naturally, the boys' parents think they're crazy and their dad is a complete idiot at all times (whether they're talking about monsters or asking for a drink of milk, he seems to find it in himself to start shouting and threatening to lock everyone in their rooms forever... or something like that – in short, he's a douche). Then you have your clichéd bullies who think he's crazy and they live next door (do you get the impression this film is lining up plenty of characters who are going to fall foul from the thing under the bed?). But it's not all bad news for the older brother... no sooner has he returned to his home town then he's met the one hot girl who finds surly, reclusive arsonists who ride BMXs really attractive. So there you have your 'love interest.' Yawn.

The film starts off slow. I'm guessing this is to 'build tension.' But it just involves things moving in the house. Personally, I've never found a washing machine's door shutting by itself that horrific.

Yeah, there's a climax and some funky coloured lights here and there. They even throw in a chainsaw by this time to try and spice things up, but, by now, do you care? I didn't. It's not terrible, just nothing remotely new enough to warrant me paying it any real attention.

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But with a little too much gore for the kids. Couldn't explain it any better than that. It was a little corny and ridiculous at times, just like Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of The Dark but no magic shop with "Sardo." I've definitely seen worse high budget movies.

For a rainy night with nothing to do, I guess this creature feature will do. Literally no background.

****possible spoilers****

You have no idea where this "monster" comes from or why. All you know is it wants the older kid but has been tormenting his younger brother while he's been away. The father is completely unlikable and borderline abusive. The stepmother was about the only good thing about the whole, hole filled storyline. The acting is mediocre at best. The ending is very bleh. There's just nothing in this movie that I can give more than a 4 for.

Most of the people tearing this movie apart and faulting it seem to base that on the fact the movie has some plot-holes and illogical jumps between sequences. I can agree with them, but a compelling seamless story with lots of character development and deeper meaning does not necessarily make for a good horror flick.

I enjoyed the movie as a whole, even as a cynical and self-proclaimed Horror Genre veteran. The first hour of the movie may have you wondering "Why is this even rated R?" "Where's the monster?" "Where's the gore" but all those questions are answered in the last 20-30 minutes, so be patient - and it will deliver.

There are no crazy Asian-ghost-girls and the movie does not rely on CGI at all. There are a handful of bloddy and gory sequences that do unfold towards the movie's end, one-upping the beginning of the movie which may have you wondering if you're watching another "Disturbia" (throws-up) or "My Soul To Take" (the worst wes craven produced movie by far)

It takes some time to get warmed up but the movie does deliver on the goods towards the end, and of course, any film involving fictitious monsters/demons living under beds is going to come across as silly and illogical on some level. You can tell the director wanted to engage the audience and give them some frights and fun, and it's production quality seems a lot higher than you would expect with a non-theatrical release. I can honestly say this is the most fun watching a new non-Hollywood horror movie in the last year, and that's out of dozens.