Bloody Mary 3D

Well not literally - or in a sense maybe it is. But any way and case, what is sure: no pun intended. The movie starts off with the inciting incident (a woman cheating on her husband) ... with another woman ... and both of them are beautiful - you might confuse this for a softcore movie to be honest .. and they are pretty on the eyes as the saying goes ... but there are other movies to satisfy any need on that front.

Also as beautiful as they are ... I would not call them actresses - no offense. Surely nice people (all of them), but this is an exercise in amateur hour in every respect and regard. Of course that may be exactly what you are looking for - the effects are not bad - but it's not like you'll see anything elaborate ... or any wounds after multiple stabbings for example.

Again suspension of disbelief is the least you have to do ... that the beginning plays at the beginning of the 20th century feels ... well I don't think anyone will actually buy this ... I am certain you have better things to do with your time. Also added weight: a now persona non grata in Ron Jeremy ... though maybe you do not even know who he is or what he allegedly did ... you are blessed if that is the case ... stay blessed and away from this! The German Mediabook Disc release on the other hand is super pretty ... that alone almost made me go 2/10 ... or you love the song so much ... well if you do you are in luck! It almost seems like the movie was made to promote the song.

Bloody Mary 3D is bloody awful, but I didn't hate it: it's just too bad not to find just a bit entertaining.

The film opens in the early 1900s, as two women -- redhead Mary Worth (Veronica Ricci) and a hot blonde -- get down to some steamy lesbian sex (both are clean shaven down below and Mary has silicon-enhanced tits -- so much for historical accuracy). The women are interrupted by Mary's husband, who grabs a knife and punishes them for their sins.

In the present day, two women break into a warehouse hoping to appear in the latest music video by rising 'rockstar' Matt Elias (Derek Jameson). To pass the time, they invoke the spirit of 'Bloody Mary', who kills them both. When Matt and his crew arrive, they also encounter the angry ghost, who bumps them off one by one.

When the best performances come from ex-pornstar Ron 'The Hedgehog' Jeremy and overweight movie nerd Shawn C. Phillips, you just know a film is going to be terrible, but Bloody Mary 3D is so incredibly cheap and utterly trashy that it at least avoids the crime of being boring.

Ricci can't act to save her life but spends a lot of the film naked or mostly naked; also adding sex appeal is Alena Savostikova as aspiring actress Elle Bree (who sadly remains clothed throughout). Jeremy plays a harmonica (thankfully, he also remains clothed), Philips runs around with his shirt hanging out of his trousers, and the lousy music video for Elias's equally lousy song 'Ribcage' is played in its entirety (and repeated several times). There are a few murders, but gore-hounds shouldn't get excited: they're totally lame.

I'm probably being over-generous here, but I'm giving this one 4/10 for being so utterly craptabulous.

Now I actually "Like" a bad film. Some people would probably go so far to say I enjoy a REALLY terrible film. However from the opening "flabberghastingly" terrible opening scene (which leads to some of the most uninspired use of Modul8's transformer effect (seriously strap yourself in for the "music video" in around 15 minutes (or skip forwards that much))). However, https://www.facebook.com/bloodymary3d brings "movies" to an altogether new low. A zero.

I've no idea how this ever got past the stoned conversation stage. Maybe its based upon state dependent memory?

Acting? From the opening (terrible) lesbian scene, to the sterling performance from "Robert?" it looks like the entire cast took method acting lessons from Pinnoccio for six months prior to filming started.

The Motion template used for the opening credits is set perfectly to what can only be described as a low bitrate rendition of some post punk warble too.

Seriously, fifteen minutes in and the stunning use of Modul8 for "the music video" has simply taken my sense of wonder away.

I could go on ... However I'm not entirely sure I'd not go postal trying to get through the next hour and five minutes ....

Help?

The plot isn't scary at all.

Horrible is only the amateurish low quality of sound, acting, singing and picture. :-)

There are approximately 171,476 words in the english language. None of them, and I mean NONE of them combined into sentences and paragraphs could articulate how deeply and passionately I hate this garbage. Why was this made? It is beyond laughably bad. It was like watching a car accident in slow motion, it was slow with no real pacing, and I couldn't look away.