Ambrosia

Literally the worst movie I've ever seen. Offensive on so many levels. This movie is not a lesbian film. It's a lesbian-as-predator film. It's disgusting. I'm offended. It's literally the most offensive movie that I've ever seen in 40 years on this planet. It's a disgusting film that only the most conservative person would enjoy. Even then, the conservative person would probably wonder why they wasted their time on this foolish, horrid movie. I was rather excited when I started watching the film, then I started laughing because I thought it might be a badly acted lesbian film. Turns out that it's an anti-lesbian film. I had been live tweeting as I watched and urging my 1000+ followers to watch, but once the film finished I deleted all my tweets and urged everyone to avoid the film. Screw you. Worst movie ever.

I kept in mind as I watched that this was not a pro-lesbian movie, or even necessarily an anti-lesbian movie. It sounded to me like a movie where a woman (fashion designer! how cool!) is in a bad work situation where her boss is hitting on her inappropriately.

Indeed, that's what it was. I found the premise interesting and that's what I got... sort of. What made this movie bad was:

• it was unconvincing and unrealistic

• seemed like it wanted to make a point or follow a theme (traditional vs modern, sexuality, fidelity, family, racial tensions) but they were scattered and weak

• pointless scenes and conversation

• none of the characters seem to matter

• embarrassingly flat script, most regrettably at the "climax" of the film

and another point, which I'm not sure is good or bad:

• unabashed focus on hot model-looking women and their high fashion outfits, even with side characters

I have to say, there were a lot of beautiful dresses and outfits here. It is the strongest element in the entire movie, and I found it enjoyable. They could have trimmed this movie into a clothing catalog and I would have liked it. This point bumped it from a 2 to a 3 for me. The Iranian decor and Iranian lines tossed throughout were cool, too. That was about it.

Honestly, it felt like I was watching The Room, but a fashion themed one with much less sex (which I am fine with--I'm not sure this movie could have handled sex gracefully either). I'm not much of a movie snob but I felt like turning it off after 15 minutes. Maybe I should have. But I decided to write a review instead.

Ok it's not great. But I've seen Way worse. Pretty flat overall and the acting is not strong. The outfits are good and the women are pretty. It wasn't very realistic in a number of aspects. The inappropriate advances of her lesbian boss somehow cause her to question her marriage but it doesn't make sense why. It doesn't feel like there's much of a climax, when there almost is, it kind of falls flat. So not 'good' but not the worst.

I wasn't gonna write a review for this movie but after watching it and witnessing how awful it is, I just had to let it known here that this is one of the very rare times when I've agreed with most IMDb user reviews. This movie is, indeed, an unbelievable disaster. Please all, stay as far away from it as possible.

Still, in the right hands, this movie had great potential to cement itself as a landmark Sapphic romantic drama in the vein of Shamim Sarif's awesome classics. Indeed, in a world where there is very limited Middle Eastern-centered Sapphic representation - much less Iranian - this could easily have become an instant hit and cult classic if it had presented to the viewers the content that its ads seem to pretend it is about. As it stands, the movie did have great lead characters and decent enough costumes and production design. All it needed was, well, a totally different writer and director. Baharak Saeid Monir (the director) simply butchered up this movie into the dark pits of the worst movies ever made, ever - right alongside some of the most (cinematically and morally) repugnant movies imaginable.

It's hard to find good lesbian movies and this is definitely not one of them. It is one of the slowest most boringness movie ever. The most interesting part of this movie is the pizza. Don't even waste your time.