The Guest House

The Guest House is not, by any stretch of imagination, a "good movie." However, it is an enjoyable, easy to watch romp in lesbian fantasy-land. If you are looking for flowing dialog, lack of cliché's, though- provoking storyline conflict, then this film is not for you. However, if you would like to check out of the real world for a while, and watch two beautiful women fall in love Romeo and Juliet style (minus the suicides, plus the sensual sex scenes) then by all means, this film is worth your time. Sure the plot is predictable. Sure the dialog is a little clichéd. And I'll admit, the giggles are a little annoying. But sometimes, that's all you want in a movie, right?

I wish I'd read some of these reviews before watching this very frustrating movie. The acting was wooden, the script/plot toe-curlingly poor. I've seen better acting in porn films. This travesty of a film would have redeemed itself if there had been some real sex and straight forward nudity. I can only imagine that, by not showing all, the director thought it was elevating the film to that of a proper romance, but he would have needed a decent plot and some proper acting to do that. They should've gone all out for a proper X-rated full-frontal romp and then it would have at least had something to redeem itself with, because I should imagine that most people coming to this film would be wanting to see that.

Well, there's 90 minutes I can't get back and I'm blaming IMDB. Why, you ask? Because after I watched the Pauly Shore/Aimee Teegarden Guest House (2020), the suggestions that came up here included the earlier version. So I found it watched it...and really wish I hadn't.

The story might have been okay, had it been properly shot. This film looked like someone with a very unsteady hand had been thrown a camcorder for the duration and asked to make this movie. And not even an expensive camcorder, either. Just your standard run-of-the-mill one.

Anyway, older girl and younger girl fall in love over the weekend. Both have baggage and there's a bit of a plot twist late that - no spoilers here - I kinda figured out twenty minutes in. If you're looking for lots of white-hot girl on girl action, keep going. What there is of that is pretty concealed.

Oh, but there is a gorgeous sunset scene on the Santa Monica Pier ferris wheel. That's about the best this film has to offer.

The worst part of this movie was the production value. It honestly seemed like a high school student made this movie for a project. The camera work and angles were horrible and even the sound was off. The acting, while not stellar, wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. There are really only about four characters in the film. Two of them are atrocious, one is just bad, and the other is actually fairly decent. The plot is also not terrible. There isn't much that goes on but if the acting and camera work were better, it would actually be a solid, intimate story. Overall, this isn't a good movie but with a higher budget it could be more watchable.

No, seriously, it doesn't have to be as bad as many reviewers claim. It just needs a couple of things. First, it needs a sequel. And here's my idea. The two girls decide to get married, and, in a unique twist, they ask dad to be both the best man and give the bride away. But it's not a traditional wedding. They fly to Jamaica and have a nude wedding at Hedonism III.

The other thing the sequel would need is a new production company. And who better to pull off such a sequel a dozen years after the initial release, but to have The Asylum step in and save the day. Just think about it, Asylum could factor in sharks try to disrupt the service. Dad could step up and save the soon to be brides from a threatening Sharknado. Then they could franchise the movie as the happy couple takes on the world. Dad is now their manservant, and he's continually finding ways to keep the brides safe from the ever-present danger of sharks, even as they relocate to rural North Dakota where there's an emerging emo music scene. I have full faith that The Asylum can pull it off and turn an erstwhile one-off dud into a franchise dud.