If I Had Legs I'd Kick You

If I Had Legs I'd Kick You is one of those 2025 psychological suspense films that tries so hard to be profound that it ends up dull instead of daring. It's not a terrible movie - the filmmaking is competent, the performances are solid - but it's the kind of project that mistakes ambiguity for depth and leaves audiences more detached than intrigued.

The story centers entirely on one woman's perspective, and while following her journey should have created intimacy and intensity, it instead becomes monotonous. We rarely see anyone else, which strips the story of dimension and tension. It's a one-character show that forgets how important interaction and pacing are in sustaining suspense. The idea that her mental health might be unraveling is an interesting setup, but the film never commits to whether she's truly unstable or simply misunderstood - it dances around the theme without ever landing a real emotional punch.

Where the movie really loses itself is in its attempt to be "artistic." The endless dreamlike sequences, floating orbs, fragmented flashbacks, and surreal imagery feel more like distractions than layers of meaning. These stylistic flourishes could've been powerful if they connected thematically, but instead they come off as arbitrary. It's as if the director wanted to prove this was a thinking person's thriller without providing anything to actually think about.

The script doesn't do the story any favors either. The dialogue feels sparse and disconnected, and the pacing drags under the weight of its own self-importance. The film wants to make a statement about perception and reality, but it never gives the viewer enough clarity or tension to invest in that concept. What should've been a gripping character study ends up as an exercise in endurance.

Rose Byrne gives a strong performance - grounded, layered, and quietly expressive. She's the reason this movie stays even remotely watchable. Christian Slater, meanwhile, does what he can with a strangely underwritten role that barely fits into the story. Everyone else fades into the background, as if they're just there to fill empty space rather than contribute to the narrative. It's one of those films where the casting feels off - like the puzzle pieces were close to fitting, but not quite right.

By the end, If I Had Legs I'd Kick You leaves you with more questions than satisfaction, and not in the good, thought-provoking way. It's a creative effort with good intentions, but it collapses under the weight of its own ambition. The concept could've been great, the execution is decent, but the experience is ultimately bland. It's fine for a one-time watch, but there's nothing here worth revisiting.

A24 returns to the territory it masters with remarkable skill-the intimate, atmospheric, and emotionally potent cinema that first made me fall in love with the studio. And it does so with a captivating proposal.

The story is immersive, contemplative, and intense. The carefully crafted script manages to weave together everyday aspects of life, such as motherhood, work responsibilities, and family dynamics, without losing coherence. Mary Bronstein demonstrates a prodigious touch in directing, seamlessly connecting seemingly unrelated elements through parallels, metaphors, and dialogue.

Rose Byrne is the central pillar of the performance, carrying the full dramatic weight of the film. Her presence sustains the work almost entirely, delivering an emotional intensity rarely seen on screen. A performance worthy of recognition and any possible nomination.

The visual aspect naturally stands out. The cinematography, with its meticulous use of color and narrative style, reinforces the story and enhances the psychological depth, delivering introspective and emotional precision.

'If I Had Legs I'd Kick You' is exhausting and gripping. Without a doubt, it's an experience no cinephile should miss.

For the love of God, why is this movie categorized as a comedy?! It is a dark psychological drama, period. Not a dark comedy, not a thriller.

Rose Byrne delivers an amazing acting performance, but don't see this movie because you thought she was funny in Bridesmaids. You will be sorely disappointed.

"If I Had Legs I'd Kick You" hits brutally hard if you grow up in a dysfunctional family, live with a silent chronic illness, or know the desperation of needing help that simply never arrives.

You keep moving through life with a weight that grinds you down piece by piece-slowly and in a degrading, invisible way.

It lives inside you, eating you alive, yet you're still expected to be the strong one for everyone else: listening, supporting, holding them together while you feel hollowed out, with anxiety as your only loyal companion.

It's a condition almost impossible to grasp unless you've lived it for a prolonged time, and "If I Had Legs I'd Kick You" captures it-right from its brilliantly subtle title-with astonishing accuracy.

It transforms the everyday workings of a collapsing mind into something both magnificently rendered and deeply unsettling, precisely because it feels so real.

Director Mary Bronstein, through an exceptional, skin-stripping performance from Rose Byrne as Linda, takes us on one of the most extreme and agonising cinematic journeys of the year.

The official plot tells us Linda is juggling her daughter's mysterious illness, an absent husband, a missing person, and a therapist who grows increasingly hostile.

But that description reduces something far more complex-and, honestly, difficult for me to summarise. These plot points aren't the story; they're pressure points, mirrors an internal psychological collapse that feels both intimate and volcanic.

The film hit me in a way very few do, it dredged up every burden I'm currently dragging behind me.

It resonated so deeply I found myself wishing someone were there to understand it with me, to hold my hand through it.

Its deliberate emotional architecture left me feeling its stress, exhaustion, empathy fatigue, and the kind of claustrophobic panic you simply can't ignore.

Bronstein leans heavily on stark, wordless close-ups that make even the smallest daily task feel crushing. The sound design turns Linda's anxiety into something almost physical-an unseen creature pacing just behind her.

Life isn't a fairytale. We're expected to keep functioning, keep producing, keep smiling, and never fail-but that relentlessness fractures the mind. Sanity becomes something you defend with tooth and nail.

Showing up at work, pretending everything is fine, performing normality: these become barricades you're desperate to vault over.

And you do eventually break, because this world isn't gentle-and even kindness is often misread as a threat. Take the motel neighbour James (A$AP Rocky), whose well-meaning attempts to connect only intensify Linda's unraveling.

Linda's environment reflects the stigma around mental illness-the inadequacy of institutions, the exhaustion of those meant to help-embodied perfectly by her unnamed therapist (a brilliant Conan O'Brien), whose detachment borders on cruel.

"If I Had Legs I'd Kick You" is a draining experience. I absolutely recommend it, but as someone who lives with many of the symptoms and emotional states depicted, I'd urge viewers to approach with care.

This film is an emotional rollercoaster-and it doesn't offer safety bars.

Damn. A mother whose daughter has some mysterious illness when her husband is not present and her home gets a big hole in her ceiling. That's the plot of this movie where a mother has to live her life and balance between being a professional therapist while she does her own therapy.

A downpour of troubles falls on her when we get to see her life. She has to be a mother, stay in a not-so-nice hotel, with troubling neighbor, her own patient having panic episodes and what not.

The entire movie is kind of a horror in its own way. How a simple mother facing all this on a day to day basis and needs to cope up. She is at the brink of explosion mentally.